In a Nut Shell
by Elora Grace
Summary: Shelby Kolton is the thirteenth member of the McKinley High Glee Club. There's just one catch: she has cancer. Takes place during canon Season 1.
1. Chapter 1 It's Always the Quiet One

**Author's Note: I do not own Glee. I do not own any songs used. A word to the wise - I write what I know. **

Chapter 1: It's Always the Quiet One

Shelby Kolton had a heavy mind as she walked through the halls of McKinley High. Currently empty of students, they accurately reflected the disconnection from her peers she was feeling. Another doctor's appointment had been the cause of her tardiness, and she could think of no reason to hurry to class. Some new flyers that had been posted on the nearby bulletin board were a perfect distraction. There were a few articles about various school and community events as well as more random things like a poster that read "Lima, you know, like the bean." She chuckled to herself a little. As if there was anyone who was unsure of the town's pronunciation. What caught her attention most however, was a single sheet of blue copy paper that had a sign-up for a glee club called "New Directions."

_That's new_, she thought, _and not to mention accurate with a name like that_. She was intrigued by the idea and genuinely wanted to sign-up. Although she had never sung in front of anyone but her cat, she knew she could carry a tune and it would be nice to be involved in something a little more lively than the church choir. The only real thing holding her back was the same reason she was going to have to quit the Cheerios. She had only not done it already as she was dreading being the bearer of bad news to Coach Sylvester. As a talented senior on the squad, she was going to be expected to take a head cheerleading position. The coach was infamous for her less than virtuous treatment of students, and would not take the resignation of a potential star well at all. But as frightening as the wrath of Coach Sylvester was, she mostly dreaded the conversation because it was to be the first of many like it. Well, technically the second. Virtually no one knew what she had been through over the summer. The select few who did were on a strict need-to-know basis, and most had been present during the meeting with Principal Figgins that took place just before the end of summer break.

* * *

><p>"Principal Figgins?" Shelby knocked on the door politely although the door was already open. "I'm here for our meeting."<p>

"Yes, come in and have a seat." The principal answered. There were three empty chairs for her and her parents, which they took. She had never been in the principal's office before and was slightly intimidated by the number of people in it. The school counselor, the dean, some faculty in charge of scheduling, and the school nurse were all seated around the rather small office. They all needed to know her situation, and she could not hide from them any longer if she wanted to continue school. "I understand that you wish to continue school despite having, erm, extenuating circumstances."

"Yes, sir," She took a deep breath. It was time to drop the bomb. "I have cancer." Cue looks of shock and concern from everyone except Figgins, who had learned over the phone when the meeting was scheduled. She continued, "Hodgkin's Lymphoma to be exact. I was diagnosed this summer and will be undergoing chemotherapy throughout the year. I do wish to continue school in spite of this, so my question is: can arrangements be made to make this possible? Building a schedule would be the first thing. Can I take fewer classes or only attend a few times a week?"

"That would be up to our schedule coordinators. Can we accommodate a schedule that addresses her health?" Figgins replied.

"And preferably still lets me graduate in the spring?" She added hopefully.

"I think that can be arranged," said one of the administrators. "To graduate, you must take either government or economics for social studies, a year-long literature course for English, and it would be advised that you take another year of math to strengthen your college applications. All of these classes are offered in the afternoon periods, so we could allow you to have mornings off when aren't feeling well or open study period when you can catch up when you are."

"There may be days where I will be too sick to come at all," Shelby warned.

"As long as your absences are excused in advance, I think we should be able to make an exception in the attendance policy if needed," said Figgins, looking at the dean when he spoke, who confirmed with a nod.

Turning to the school nurse she asked, "And if I come to school and start to feel sick or tired, can I assume I have a place to go and lie down or sleep for a while?"

"Of course," she replied. "You are also free to call home if it gets too bad."

"Shelby, I just want you to know that my office is always open if you need someone to talk to," added Miss Pillsbury, the school counselor. "Anything you tell me will be confidential."

"Thank you, Miss Pillsbury. Speaking of confidentiality, can I ask that what we discussed today stays in this room as much as possible? I'd like to tell people myself, when I'm ready. Including my teachers." Nods were received from everyone.

"I know that you are on the Cheerios, do you plan to continue to that as well?" inquired Figgins.

"No, and Coach Sylvester has yet to be informed. So please, please, _please_ do not tell her!" Shelby practically begged.

"Why would we want to?" asked one of the administrators, looking quite frightened. The others looked scared too, but almost laughed in agreement.

"Thank you all so much for your cooperation," said her father, speaking up for the first time. Her parents had been there more for moral support than anything else. He shook hands with the principal and let Shelby and her mother out of the room. "That wasn't so bad was it?" He asked her on the way out.

Truthfully, Shelby hated being the center of attention and found the beginning quite awkward, but she had somehow found some inner strength hidden deep inside as the conversation went on. "No, it wasn't," she admitted. But in the back of her mind she thought _six down, an entire student body to go._

* * *

><p>Since that day, the only other people Shelby had told were her three teachers, who thankfully were more than willing to accept her condition and how it would affect her schoolwork. None of her friends knew because, well, she didn't really have many close friends. None that she felt she could confide in with something so personal. She kept herself very sheltered from others, which normally didn't bother her, but lately she had started to feel extremely isolated. Until now, she had gotten through high school by keeping a low profile and avoiding getting into trouble of any kind. Her peers knew her as the quiet one who sat in the back of the room not to get away with slacking off, but to ensure she was not the center of attention. The friends she did have knew little more than this about her. They were more than classmates, but less than true friends. She sat with them at lunch, partnered with them on group projects, and occasionally saw some of them outside of school at the mall or at the movies, yet not a single one of them knew much about her. They had never been to her house or met her family, and they definitely didn't know she could sing. She honestly didn't know what they would think if she joined the glee club.<p>

The glee club remained in her mind all day long. She kept walking by the sign-up sheet during each passing time to see who else was signing up. Mostly she just read the names, but she did witness a few in person. One poor sophomore girl even took a slushie to the face. _That must really sting the eyes_, Shelby thought. It was no surprise to her that no juniors or seniors had signed up. There was no way in hell they would risk their carefully built reputations to be in something as socially stigmatizing as a glee club. It had taken them years to get where they were in the social hierarchy, and would take only a few short seconds of adding their John Hancock to list of glee club members to destroy it. The underclassmen on that list had guts to take on the social stigma so early. There was a good chance that their reputations would never recover from such a blow. On the other hand, perhaps it was better that they joined young. They had nothing to lose that way. If what their peers thought was not important to them, Shelby had to give them props for doing what few others would even consider doing. That included herself.

That could be another reason Shelby felt drawn to the glee club. She would have nothing to lose this year either. Hell, she was going to be stigmatized enough as it was, why not join glee club? As for ruining a reputation, she didn't really have one to destroy. She had learned that no one really noticed her when she was the quiet one in the corner of the classroom. People liked her well enough and she had many casual friendships, as well as a few closer ones, but she rarely attended social outings and her only extracurricular had been the Cheerios. Years of gymnastics and karate as a kid had made her flexible and strong, so she had excellent control over her body. Being a Cheerio was fun, and she loved it, but she didn't join to make friends. Most cheerleaders weren't exactly the kind of girls she wanted to befriend. She even got along with Coach Sylvester most of the time (as well as someone _can_ get along with Coach Sylvester, that is). Mostly, she just avoided getting in the coach's way. In fact, she had memorized her whereabouts throughout the day to accomplish just that. This came in handy today especially as she had not worn her uniform to school today. Some of the other Cheerios had noticed, but she told them she was having it dry-cleaned. Strangely enough, they seemed to believe it. Then again, people often believe what they want to hear, and she couldn't trust them not to spread around the rumor that she was quitting. This would only get her through one day however, so today had to be the day to tell Coach Sylvester.

Shelby's memory told her that Sue Sylvester was currently in her office. It was now or never. As she approached however, she could overhear a conversation coming from inside. The coach was on the phone with someone.

"I'm going to have to completely rethink my routines now. I thought about those all summer! All because there'll be a different head cheerleader than the one I was counting on."

_That's odd_, Shelby thought. Then she gasped. _Unless_…

"Shelby Kolton won't be on the squad this year, I'm kicking her out," said the coach's voice. _She knows!_ thought Shelby. Her heart sank. Panic swept through her mind. _How did she know? Who told her?_

"She won't look uniform with the others if she won't have any hair to pull back into a ponytail. And I doubt there's a wig in the world that'll withstand one of my routines…" _No, she didn't!_ Shelby had heard enough. She barged right into the coach's office and interrupted her.

"Coach Sylvester! What is the meaning of this!" she demanded.

"I'll call you back," the coach hung up the phone. She clearly didn't mean for Shelby to overhear the conversation, but also didn't seem to regret it. "Good, Shelby, I was just looking to talk to you. You're off the squad."

"Why? Because I'll lose my hair! What kind of pathetic excuse is that?" Shelby waited a moment for a reply, but for once the coach was speechless. Shelby had never shown this kind of raw emotion before, so she had probably been caught off-guard by the normally quiet student's sudden outburst. "No, you know what? Don't answer that. Go ahead and throw me off the squad. Throw me off because I won't have the energy, or I won't have my usual flexibility once I get my port, or I just won't be able to take the smell of body spray in the locker room without puking, fine. I was going to quit for those reasons anyway. But do NOT throw me off because I'll lose my hair! For that, I'm quitting right here and now!" and with that she pulled her uniform out of her backpack and threw it down on the coach's desk. She stormed to the door, considering slamming it for a moment. Then she had a better idea. "You know, Miss Sylvester? I think the whole hair thing is just a mask. I think it's just your way of dealing with a stressful situation, and you can't bear the idea of having to watch me suffer. The less you see of me, the less you'll have to deal with that negative emotion. If I'm not on the Cheerios, that pretty much guarantees that, doesn't it?" Shelby knew she had had that last word and promptly strode confidently out of the office. She must have hit a raw nerve with her now former coach as she called after her down the hallway. "Shelby! Shelby!" But she just kept walking.

Shelby was in such a rage after the confrontation with Sue Sylvester that she just wandered the halls of McKinley High somewhat aimlessly. The farther she walked, the more the adrenaline wore off and she began to feel the pain. She had avoided thinking about losing her hair because it was honestly something she had been dreading. The thought of losing her long, golden blonde hair that fell slightly below her shoulder blades caused her great anxiety, and she consequently had not given it much thought. She wasn't in denial; she just avoided thinking about it. The heated conversation, though it had really been one-sided with Shelby doing all of the talking, had been a wake-up call that she it would be impossible to avoid the issue much longer. Avoiding her problems would not make them disappear; it would only prolong the inevitable.

Dissociation would no longer be a suitable defense mechanism, and anxiety began to flood her mind. She was worried about how Miss Sylvester found out. Knowing her, she probably used bribery or some other devious method, but it still made Shelby worry that others could find out too. Suddenly, she also realized that the other Cheerios probably knew. They hadn't believed her lie about her uniform getting dry cleaned; they had just gone along with it. Considerable restraint was needed for her to keep herself from using profanities against them. It was no wonder none of them were her friends. Tears pooled in her eyes and threatened to flow over her eyelids. The feeling of being lonely overwhelmed her, and made her want to be anywhere but the halls of McKinley High.

_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold on to that feelin'_

_Streetlights, people_

What was that? Music? How did she get in front of the auditorium? Curious, she went inside. But she stayed at the top, near the entrance where she wouldn't be seen.

_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold on to that feelin'_

_Streetlights, people_

_Don't stop!_

All of a sudden, someone started clapping. Shelby recognized the man as Mr. Schuester, who was the Spanish teacher if she recalled correctly. He was applauding the six students onstage who had just finished the Journey song. His posture was filled with pride, as was his voice when he began to speak to them. She couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, but the gist of it sounded like he was proud of what they put together but they also had a lot of work ahead of them, and he was going to help them. The students were excited to see him and immediately began their number again when he had finished speaking. _Of course, the glee club_! she thought, finally reaching an epiphany. All at once, she knew what she had to do next.


	2. Chapter 2 New Directions

**Author's Note: I do not own Glee or any songs used. **

Chapter 2: New Directions

"Mr. Schuester?" The teacher looked up from his desk. "I'd like to join the glee club," Shelby said. It had been a few days since she had officially decided to do this, but it had taken her a short while to gather up the courage to actually do it.

"That's great!" he said. "What's your name?"

"Shelby Kolton."

"Well, Shelby, I'm really excited to have another student interested in the glee club. I understand that it's not exactly considered 'cool' to join."

"That's an understatement." He laughed. "But trust me, I'm not worried about my reputation. In fact, there's probably something I should tell you before I join that will affect my commitment. I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma."

"Oh my gosh, are you alright?" Concern immediately flooded his face. It was good to know that there were teachers who genuinely cared about their students' well-being.

"Yes," she answered. "Well, relatively speaking, I suppose. I haven't started treatment yet but the prognosis is very good. It actually has a 95% cure rate."

"Really? That's good to hear," he said, his voice filled with relief.

"I've been told that if I had to get cancer, this is the kind to get," she said matter-of-factly. "Not much of a comfort really, but I guess it could be worse. A lot worse."

"That's true," he agreed. "How do you think it will affect your being in the glee club?"

"You mean I can join?" she asked hopefully.

"Well, I'm not exactly in a position to turn willing members away, am I?" he said, half humorous and serious. What he said was true. The newly formed glee club was struggling to recruit new members that were willing to join. Here one was standing right in his office, smiling at him, grateful for the opportunity.

"No, I guess you aren't," she admitted. "But I just thought that if I had a limited commitment, I might hurt the rest of the group when I can't be at rehearsals. Or performances for that matter." She sighed, the smile fading from her face.

"That may be true," the glee club's director admitted, "But I think we can make it work. If nothing else, we'll just make sure we have someone to cover you if you can't be there. Since we need 12 members to compete at sectionals, we'll just have to have 13 in the club. Just in case."

_Maybe this will work after all_, Shelby hoped. "I can't tell you how I'll be affected by the chemo just yet, but I expect that I'll be very tired or sick sometimes. I might be able to come to school or rehearsal or I might not. I don't know. But I'll let you know as soon as I know myself."

"Don't worry about that. If you can't make it, I'll understand. And I'm sure the rest of the club will too."

"Speaking of the other members, can you not tell them right away? I want to tell them myself."

"Of course. Telling them will be completely up to you." He paused for a moment. "Shelby, there is one thing I need from you before you join."

"Sure."

"Can I have you sing something for me?"

"Oh, of course," she answered. That had been another reason for her delay in joining. She anticipated having to sing something, so she spent time preparing a song. She wanted something that wasn't particularly difficult, but still showed she had a decent voice. It also needed to have a certain meaning, something that had a meaning for her and for Mr. Schuester. Playing up her situation and personality a little certainly couldn't hurt.

"But not here, let's go to the choir room."

She followed him to the rehearsal space where a pianist was practicing.

"This is Brad," Mr. Schuester introduced. "I thought he might still be here. Now we have an accompanist. Do you have music?"

"Yeah," she said, pulling the sheet music from her backpack. The accompaniment was supposed to be a guitar, but a piano would work just fine. She handed it to Brad and he began to play.

_You don't know my name;_

_You don't know anything about me._

_I try to play nice;_

_I want to be in your game._

_The things that you say,_

_You may think I never hear about them._

_I'm telling you to your face;_

_I'm standing here behind your back._

She started off shy and quiet, but she stayed on pitch. Mr. Schuester could tell she was holding back and sensed her nervousness, but he could also tell that she had a decent voice. He hoped if he let her continue, she might gain more confidence. Sure enough, when she hit the chorus, she began to open up. A fuller sound came from her.

_You don't know how it feels_

_To be outside the crowd._

_You don't know what it's like_

_To be left out._

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in._

There was a certain sadness about her that made what she sang believable. Clearly, she was a quiet kid and probably did not have many friends.

_If you could read my mind,_

_You might see more of me than meets the eye._

_And you've been all wrong_

_Not who you think I am_

_You've never given me a chance._

The second verse was stronger and thus, so was the second chorus. The third verse was short and quiet, but she wasn't nervous this time. The softness was part of the song, and the effect was good on the transition back into the chorus.

_Well, I'm tired of staying at home._

_I'm bored and all alone._

_I'm sick of wasting all my time._

_You don't know how feels_

_To be outside the crowd._

_You don't know what it's like_

_To be left out._

_And you don't how it feels _

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in._

The previous chorus led right into the final one. She built up energy gradually and increased the volume over the course of each phrase.

_You don't know how feels_

_To be outside the crowd._

_You don't know what it's like_

_To be left out._

_And you don't how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

She slowed the tempo and decrescendo-ed into the last line.

_On the outside looking in._

There was silence in the room for a moment. Then Mr. Schuester spoke, "That was beautiful, Shelby." She smiled. She could barely believe she had just sung in front of someone else, all by herself. Even more, she couldn't believe that she had held her own and even lost herself in the song. "I think you'll make a fine addition to New Directions." He smiled and held out his hand. Shelby gladly took it and shook enthusiastically. She was so happy she felt she could hug him. But that would probably be weird. And awkward.

_He just gets it_, she thought. He understood that she simply needed a place to belong, where she wouldn't be judged when she would have to wear a scarf or a hat over head. She was just looking to find her place in the world. The other members of the glee club were there for similar reasons. They were all outcasts for one reason or another. She would fit in well, and hopefully make some friends. The understanding from the New Directions' director meant more to her than she could put into the words. Tomorrow, she would meet the whole group. Perhaps she would tell them then, perhaps not. She would do it when she was ready. For now, the New Directions had a new member to meet.

Actually, a few days passed before the New Directions had their next rehearsal. Mr. Schuester had taken the time to get organized. They were still a new group, after all. However, now the day had come, and Shelby was feeling a little nervous. In the choir room, there sat the six students she had seen practicing in the auditorium. They introduced themselves as Rachel, Mercedes, Tina, Kurt, Artie, and Finn. It was good to put names with faces.

"I'm Shelby," she introduced, "the newest member of the glee club."

She was received by smiling faces and short greetings, and then Mercedes asked, "Aren't you a senior?"

"Yes, I am, but I figured it's better late than never to try something new," Shelby almost lied. She was always careful with her words. She hated lying directly, so she got away with telling partial truths, omitting details, and being creative with her use of words. They were more believable than blatant lies, but they often came back to haunt her in remarkably similar ways. It would be interesting to see how this one played out.

Mercedes merely shrugged and didn't press any further questions. Everyone had their own reasons for joining the glee club, and they would all be exposed in good time. Shelby wasn't ready to share hers quite yet. She had been hoping to master the courage to do it today, but it just hadn't happened. She had just met these kids; she had no idea how they would react. Opening up to others was probably Shelby's worst fear. She just hadn't known how strong it had been until it was being put to the test.

Mr. Schuester walked in just then, and it was time to get practicing. "Le Freak" was the song of the day. The kids weren't thrilled to be doing disco, but they respected Mr. Schuester enough to go along with it. Shelby handled the song and choreography fairly well, and despite the questionable song choice, had a good first day.

"I'm all for 'bringing sexy back' but I think disco's gone too far to save," she said as she was packing up her things to leave. Artie, who was next to her, chuckled. Shelby jumped slightly as she hadn't realized that she had said that out loud.

"Yeah, I hope we can do something a little more modern next time," he said.

Sure enough, "Gold Digger" turned out to be a much better fit with the club. Mercedes took it away with her powerful vocals, and some of the guys tried out rapping for a bit. Even Mr. Schuester was pretty good at it. Shelby held her own on the back-up vocals with Tina, but she was perfectly fine with not being the center of attention and also, it seemed, did Tina. Perhaps that was something they had in common. It was a shame Mr. Schuester was still pushing disco for the assembly that was going to present the glee club in front of the entire school. Luckily, the group of students had a mind of its own.

Rachel had called an emergency meeting without Mr. Schuester saying that there was no possible way they could perform disco at the assembly and live to tell about it. They all knew it was true, but didn't know what to do about it. Rachel was way ahead of them, once again. She suggested they give the audience what they want, not a bloodbath, but a sex riot. Those weren't her words exactly, but it was what she had meant. The New Directions members exchanged glances. Rachel actually did have some good ideas when they could tolerate her enough to actually listen to what she had to say.

The New Directions did perform at the assembly. The song was "Push It." The dance moves were provocative. And the school loved it. They ate it up. As uncomfortable as it had been for most of its members, being that most of them were quite socially awkward, they had made a hit of themselves with the student body. A few of Shelby's friends confirmed this, saying that a glee club had potential to be cool if they could have a performance like that during every school assembly. However, Principle Figgins and Miss Sylvester were of a different standpoint. They were not unjustified in thinking that however, as the provocative number had closely resembled the beginning of a bad pornographic movie, especially with some of the indecent threesomes that had come as a result of having an odd number of members. For this reason, the principle thought it best to have all of their songs pre-approved from now on, but honestly, they were just glad they still had a club.

The New Directions knew they hadn't handled the situation in the best way. It was the only way they knew how. A bunch of high school students didn't know how to impress their peers without offending the adults, or how to please the adults without boring the other students or hurling themselves into perpetual low social status. Realizing their mistake, they vowed to try to work things out with Mr. Schuester in the future, not go behind his back. _It's only the beginning_, thought Shelby, _we have a long way to go. But we'll get there together._


	3. Chapter 3 Coming Clean

**Author's Note: I do not own Glee or any songs used. **

Chapter 3: Coming Clean

Shelby was truly beginning to enjoy being in the glee club. It felt good to sing with other people for a change, other people who were not elderly church choir volunteers. She loved the sweet old ladies at her church, but she had to admit that their singing was far past its peak. That is, if their singing had ever had a peak in the first place. Everyone in the glee club could definitely sing well, and each of them had their own unique sound. It was fun to sing next to someone who could hold their own part strong enough to harmonize with her. Even the Cheerios who had recently joined, Finn's girlfriend Quinn, and her friends, Brittany and Santana, were talented. Although she had not spent much time with the other members outside of the glee club and they were still warming up to each other, she could feel them growing on each other. Plus, she still hadn't told them about her health.

Time was running out, and soon she would not be able to hide it any longer. She had already gotten her port, a small device implanted in her chest that would be used to distributed the chemotherapy medication rather than an IV, and it was not easy to hide the pain it caused every time she moved her chest muscles too suddenly. It would get better in the coming weeks, she had been told, but for now she had traded her regular backpack for a messenger bag and taken a couple pain relievers just to be safe. Even so, the pain was hard to ignore while doing choreography. Especially when it involved lots of clapping and bending.

"Shelby, are you alright?" Mr. Schuester asked. "You look like you're in pain."

"No, I'm fine," she lied. He looked as if he didn't quite believe her. "Really." She said with a bright smile, almost a laugh. She knew it looked believable, but she also knew that the director probably would not buy it.

"Well, I think that's enough for today anyway," he said. If he hadn't bought it, he had pretended to. She was grateful for that.

The next few days, she excused herself from rehearsal by telling Mr. Schuester the truth about being in pain. She was right; he had not bought her lie and graciously allowed her to miss rehearsal. When she did return, she was met with stunned faces.

"You cut your hair?" gasped Tina. Everyone got up to greet her and get a closer look.

"I donated it," explained Shelby. It was another partial truth. It was true that she had donated her well-kept, long, blonde hair, but she had not done so completely of her own free will. She did not want to have to worry about it all falling out and making a huge mess of everything. She also thought it would be easier to see it falling out if she wasn't as attached to it, quite literally. What once fell below her shoulder blades now barely reached her chin. It was no surprise that the New Directions members were stunned.

"Wow, good for you! You're long hair was beautiful," said Quinn. _Please, don't rub it in, _Shelby thought.

"I could never cut my hair," said Brittany. _I thought I couldn't_. "You're really brave." That last bit surprised Shelby and she thought _I really hope so. You have no idea_.

"I like it this way," complimented Tina.

"Yeah, it's cute," Mercedes added.

"It's different," said Artie, surveying her, "but I think I like it."

"A bob looks good on you. It's a bit like Catherine Zeta-Jones in _Chicago_, but softer," Kurt approved. That actually quite impressed Shelby. _Chicago_ was a favorite of hers, but she just couldn't see herself in that image.

"What's going on here?" wondered Mr. Schuester, who had just walked in and saw everyone standing in group, looking at something. They parted and Shelby turned to face him, giving him a small smile. At first, he almost looked as if had hadn't recognized her, but then he said "Wow, Shelby, that's a big change! I like it."

"Thanks, Mr. Schuester, and everyone," she said, still smiling, but her eyes weren't in it. She was merely being polite. She wondered how long she would have to play the charade, all the while reminding herself the whole time that she wouldn't have to if she just told them the truth. Then that made her wonder which was harder: pretending she was happy when she had a million reasons (fine, one giant reason) not to be, or opening up to the glee club and telling them everything. It was Finn who interrupted her thoughts after rehearsal.

"Shelby?" he asked. "Can I be completely honest with you?"

"Please do," she said earnestly.

"I hate your new haircut," he said honestly, but cautiously, completely aware that what he said could cause a girl to kill him. "I mean, it's cute and all," he added, covering his tracks a bit, "but, it's just not… you."

Shelby didn't react for a moment. Finn looked very worried then, unsure of what would happen, but knowing his immediate death was a strong possibility. Then suddenly, she hugged him. "Thank you," she said. He relaxed and tried to hug her back, but it was difficult with his arms pinned to his sides. She was quite a bit shorter than him. "You have no idea how much I wanted to hear someone say that." She was so relieved that someone finally got it. She could live with her short hair, even look good in it, but the fact remained that it just wasn't her own. Her eyes glistened a bit in sheer relief, but no tears slid out. They were blinked away before she pulled away from him. Then, she gave him the first genuine smile she had shown in days. He returned it, and they went their separate ways for the day.

That weekend, Shelby was at the mall with Kurt and Mercedes who had invited her to get smoothies with them. She was grateful for the opportunity, and looked forward to getting to know them better. They seemed to have gotten closer lately, so she was glad they wanted to include her. She didn't want to feel like a third wheel.

"Don't worry at all," Mercedes comforted.

"Yeah," said Kurt, "it's not like we're dating." He laughed slightly, but Mercedes merely stared at him. "Too soon?" He asked.

"Too soon," replied Mercedes. Shelby got the feeling she was missing something. They had inside jokes already? She gave them an odd look.

"We had a … misunderstanding the other day," explained Kurt.

"Oh," said Shelby. "I know what that feels like." She almost felt her entire situation of being so sheltered from the glee club was one big misunderstanding. "Almost every day, I know what that feels like."

"What do mean?" asked Mercedes.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you guys, the glee club, and I'm tired to hiding. I just don't know how to say it. I afraid of what people will say, how they'll react, and how they'll treat me after they know, but more than anything, I'm just afraid of making myself vulnerable. I don't even have any close friends that I've told, how can tell a group of people that are nearly strangers to me?" she was talking to herself more than them at this point, just grateful to finally let out all of her anxiety. It felt good to talk about it. The two New Directions members were listening intently. They had never heard her talk this much before, especially about something so personal. Kurt seemed to be hit close to home with what she had said since he had stopped drinking his smoothie mid-sip. It must have given him a brain freeze from holding it his mouth too long without swallowing it, since he had twisted up his face and shivered while she spoke. "You understand," Shelby said to him, noticing his reaction. He froze, literally or figuratively, it was unclear. "Don't worry. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just know what it looks like when someone's hiding something. I do it enough myself. And I'm good at reading people. Their expressions, their body language, their tone of voice, stuff like that. You notice things like that when you're the quiet kid." She shrugged.

Kurt still didn't know how to answer her. Then Mercedes spoke up, "You shouldn't have to feel vulnerable in glee club. We all are. That's why we joined. None of us have a lot of friends, except for the new girls, and probably Finn, but still. Glee is about expressing who you really are; even if you aren't sure who that is yet. Whatever it is you've been hiding, you shouldn't be afraid to show it. I know I can promise that I won't treat you any different, no matter what it is, and I bet the other kids in Glee feel the same way."

"Me too," said Kurt. "Mercedes basically told me the same thing the other day when I…" he paused, making sure that he still wanted to tell her, "when I told her I was gay. It's not easy to open up to people you barely know, but when you tell the right person," he smiled at Mercedes, which she returned, encouraging him, "it doesn't hurt. In fact it feels nice to know that you have someone you can count on." Shelby was extremely touched that he had opened to her like that, especially in the short time they had known each other. She supposed she had made herself trustworthy, but it still had not been easy for him. She decided right then and there that she would tell the members of New Directions the very next day. Well, on Monday. Today was Saturday.

"Thank you," was all Shelby could say. "Both of you. I think you said exactly what I needed to hear." Then she turned to Kurt specifically. "And if you could be so forthcoming with me after so little time, well, why can't I? Come Monday, no more big secret for me." Mercedes looked pleased, and Kurt seemed to find it a bit odd that he had inspired someone, but touched by the gesture at the same time. "Now, who watched _Project Runway_ on Thursday?" The tension was instantly diffused, and a long discussion began about the highlights and lowlights of the latest episode.

Monday was here, and it had not gotten off to a promising start. Shelby had received her first face full of slushie. As she washed off the cold, sticky liquid in the bathroom sink, she actually became slightly thankful for her short hair. It would be much easier to wash it out. She really empathized with Rachel and the others who had been slushied. It really did sting the eyes. Senior status would protect her no longer; she was officially among the ranks of the glee club. It was as if it had sealed her fate, reinforcing her decision to tell the glee club, who currently sat around her, waiting to hear what she had to say.

She supposed it was time to break the silence, "I don't really know how to tell you all this, so I'm just going to say it: I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma, which is cancer, if you don't know." Everyone was shocked. Whatever they had been expecting, it certainly had not been that. Most of the boys sat with their mouths open, several of the girls and Kurt looked on the verge of tears, and Mercedes looked as if she wanted to hug her. "I found out over the summer, and I have my first treatment on Friday." Still, no one spoke. They were trying to take in what they had heard. Since Shelby and put off telling them for so long, it was all very sudden. Some heads were shaking in disbelief, but most were still stunned. Kurt seemed to be having great difficulty holding himself together. Shelby continued, "But the good news is that the prognosis is very good. Hodgkin's has a 95% cure rate."

"What about the other 5%?" asked Artie, still looking worried.

"They're not me," Shelby said simply. Her sudden confidence her surprised her bit, but what she said was true. "That 5% is a lot worse off than I am. The disease I have is nowhere near advanced yet, only Stage II out of four, and it's a very good sign that I have no other symptoms. Other than swollen lymphnodes, that is." She craned her neck so that they could see the large lump on the left side, just above her collarbone. There were more looks of alarm then. It was definitely not normal to have a lump the size of a golf ball on her neck like that. "There you have it. I'm just tired of hiding it, and I knew all of you would want to know. Do you have any questions?"

"What's that on your chest?" wondered Brittany. "And why is it all bruised?" Shelby had worn a low cut shirt on purpose that day to show the bump on her chest that was her port. It was still a little sore, but it had gotten better. The bruising was just her body getting used to it.

"It's called a port, short for portacath, and it's used to deliver the chemotherapy medicine directly into my system without using an IV. Getting an IV every time would be annoying, but more importantly, the medication could burn my skin if it comes into contact, so this prevents it. The bruising is just my body adjusting to it."

"So, how will chemo affect you?" leave it to Rachel to ask how it would affect her performance ability. However, to be fair, she did have a point, and she looked concerned enough to be talking about more than just the glee club. Shelby's well-being was important to her too.

"I won't know exactly until it happens, but I've been told to expect feeling sick and being fatigued. I'll just have to see how it goes, and take it one day at a time. And I'll be sure to let you all know how I'm doing, and whether I'll be at rehearsal. Being there for a performance unfortunately is still an issue, so we should have 13 members just in case I can't make it. I hope with all my heart that doesn't happen, but I have to accept that it might." Now Rachel looked liked she wanted to hug her as well.

"This is the real reason you cut your hair, isn't it?"asked Finn, having a "light bulb" moment. Maybe he was smarter than she gave him credit for. She nodded.

"You're going to lose it, aren't you?" Mercedes asked gently.

"Most likely," Shelby answered. An awkward, heavy silence fell over the group. No one knew how to break it. A few were subtly wiping tears from their eyes, not wanting to show that they were crying. Kurt made no attempt to hide it. Then, Mercedes slowly got up, walked over to Shelby, and hugged her.

"I'm here for you," she said.

"Me too," added Kurt, his voice surprisingly steady, joining the hug.

"And me," said Rachel, now crying too. Finn got up after her, and put his long arms around all of them. The rest of the New Directions members followed suit. "Thank you," was all Shelby could say to the mass of support that was surrounding her. There were no dry eyes left in the room when the group hug disbanded, including Shelby's own. She was so inherently grateful for their love and support; she couldn't express it any other way.

Even Mr. Schuester had tears in his eyes. He hadn't participated in the conversation, or been part of the group hug; he had merely observed the conversation. "I'm so proud of you guys today." He told them, finally speaking up. "Shelby, I'm glad you finally told everyone, and remained so calm and mature the whole time. And as for the rest of you, I'm glad you took the news so well. It wasn't easy to hear, but you kept calm and were very respectful."

"Kept calm? Look at us. The Hoover Dam couldn't hold back these flood waters!" said Santana, her eyes puffy. Everyone laughed at that, a few still brushing away the last of their tears. Just then, her comment made Shelby realize something. The three Cheerios had been surprised as anyone. Sue Sylvester had not told them after all. Just when Shelby thought she could hate her former coach for being heartless, she went and did something like that. Somewhere, deep down, extremely deep down, there had to be a heart somewhere.

"How about a song?" suggested Mr. Schuester. That man had a song for everything. He started out the first verse, while playing the gentle piano accompaniment.

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight._

_Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time._

_And I am here still waiting though, I still have my doubts._

_I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_.

Shelby joined him at the chorus. She knew nearly all of Lifehouse's songs by heart.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating._

_In the pain, there is healing._

_In your name, I find meaning._

Mr. Schuester stopped at the last line of the chorus, startling Shelby slightly at the sound of her own voice alone. She suddenly became very self-conscious. Kurt noticed and joined her in the second verse. As a countertenor, he could sing it with her in near perfect unison.

_The broken locks were a warning._

_You got inside my head._

_I tried my best to be guarded;_

_I'm an open book instead._

_And I still see your reflection _

_Inside of my eyes that are looking for purpose;_

_They're still looking for life._

Rachel joined in the second chorus, taking the upper octave.

_I'm falling apart; I'm barely breathing._

_With a broken heart that's still beating_.

Mercedes joined with her, adding the echo. Finn and Artie took the echo as well.

_In the pain (In the pain), there is healing._

_In your name (in your name), I find meaning._

_So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin' on) _

_I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin' on) _

_I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin' on)_

_I'm barely holding on to you._

Everyone was singing by the time they reached the third verse, but no one meant it more than Shelby. The words rang so true to her at that moment.

_I'm hanging on another day_

_Just to see what, you will throw my way._

_And I'm hanging on, to the words you say._

_You said that I will, will be okay._

_The broken light on the freeway left me here alone._

_I may have lost my way now,_

_haven't forgotten my way home._

_I'm falling apart; I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating._

_In the pain (In the pain), there is healing._

_In your name (In your name), I find meaning._

As the song moved into its final lines, harmonies started to appear everywhere. Rachel and Mercedes were belting it up on top, bringing out the otherwise subtle descant, while Brittany, Santana, and Artie still held onto the echo. Each singer made the song their own and added their unique sound to the blend. It was times like this Shelby knew they had something special in this group.

_So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')_

_I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin') _

_I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')_

_I'm barely holding on to you. _

_I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')_

_I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin') _

_I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')_

_I'm barely holding on to you._

The song drew to a close and Mr. Schuester finished the last few bars on the piano. "That was amazing, guys," he told them. "It really was. Let's call it a day, shall we?" They all agreed and shared farewells before heading their separate ways.

Shelby felt incredibly relieved. It was as though a massive weight had literally been taken off of her shoulders. It had not been easy to tell the New Directions that she had cancer and put herself out there for them all to see, but now she felt good about it. Kurt was right; sometimes it didn't hurt to let people in. In fact, it had been the exact opposite. Maybe, when you let people in, they could heal you.


	4. Chapter 4 First Treatment

**Author's Note: I do not own Glee or songs used. This chapter contains borrowed dialogue from "The Rhodes Not Taken" for the purpose of adding context/commentary. No copyright infringement intended. **

Chapter 4: First Treatment

Since Shelby would not be present at school at all on Friday, Thursday would be her last day at Glee rehearsal for the week.

"The treatment will take most of the afternoon, so why even bother coming?" she explained to them.

"All afternoon?" asked Artie. "Why does it take so long?"

"They inject the chemo gradually over the course of an hour or so, and I'm receiving four different drugs on my regimen, so I'll be there for about four hours. Give or take." She answered.

"What do you during all that time?" Finn asked.

"I'll probably watch a movie – they have a TV in each room – or bring a book to read." She said simply.

"Well, good luck tomorrow," said Mercedes. The others agreed and offered their well-wishes too. Just then Mr. Schuester walked in.

"Hey guys, let's get started," he prompted. They were making good progress on "Don't Stop Believin'" and this rehearsal was no exception until Quinn suddenly ran from the room, looking rather green in the face.

"I think she just had a bad breakfast burrito," guessed Finn. Shelby didn't doubt the poor quality of the breakfast burritos. Those nasty packaged goods from the cafeteria probably carried the plague. But judging by Finn's quick reaction, that was not what was making Quinn sick.

"Can we please talk about the elephant in the room?" asked Kurt. _No way. Has he figured it out too?_ wondered Shelby.

"Your sexuality?" teased Santana. Kurt ignored her.

"Rachel," he supplied. "We can't do it without her." _Oh, that_. For a second, she thought he had been referring to the one currently growing in Quinn's abdomen.

"That's not true," argued Mr. Schuester. "We may have to layer Santana and Mercedes over Quinn's solo, but we'll be fine."

"Maybe for the invitationals but not for the sectionals and certainly not the regionals," said Artie.

"Wheelchair Kid's right," agreed Puck, Finn's best friend who had joined the glee club recently after being a hit in Mr. Schuester's short-lived a capella group. Two other guys from the football team had also followed Puck, Mike Chang and some other guy whose name currently escaped her memory. "That chick makes me wanna light myself on fire, but she can sing." _Blunt, but true_, Shelby thought and had to agree with them. Rachel may be self-entitled and insecure, but she was extremely talented and pushed everyone else to be their best along with her. The club needed her. Hopefully they could convince her to come back. Unfortunately, Shelby wouldn't have the time while recovering from her treatment this weekend, but Finn had approached her with a plan. He had taken a liking to Rachel that most of the group hadn't yet, and thought he could convince her to come back. If anyone could, it was probably Finn. He had a way of seeing the best in people, even people like Rachel who thought she knew what was best for her. Shelby told him to go for it. Even if he couldn't convince Rachel to come back, he could at least plant the idea that the club missed her and really did appreciate her talents.

Shelby was not incredibly fond of the girl, but she had her moments. The two of them had shared a nice heartfelt conversation that morning in the girls' room when Shelby had received her second slushie facial. All it had taken was one senior jock to slushie her the first time to let all the others know she was now fair game. Rachel had walked in on her washing off the corn syrup filled concoction and offered some soft tissues to use instead of the scratchy paper towels. Shelby appreciated the gesture and thought they had a nice bonding moment over it. But then Rachel left the glee club to join the school play, thinking it would somehow advance her career. Shelby was a bit hurt that Rachel didn't think more of the glee club whose members had tried their best to be her friend, despite the fact that they found her irritating most of the time. This could be one of the reasons why Shelby did not allow other people to get close to her: she was afraid of getting hurt.

On Friday, Shelby's mother came with her to the hospital to stay with her during the treatment process. It was good to actually spend time with her mother as she was usually busy with her three younger brothers, who were all under the age of nine, and escorting them to all of their various activities. Today, she had dropped everything for Shelby. With her, she brought a large tote filled with knitting supplies. The woman had many hobbies but little time to actually do them. Shelby brought _Mulan_, which was her favorite Disney movie, to watch. Whether they would share a lot of conversation didn't matter, it was simply good for both of them for a mother and daughter to share each other's company.

_Let's get down to business_

_To defeat_

_The Huns! (hoo-wah!)_

Shelby found herself singing along to the movie, as usual. Her mother was plenty used to this by now as it was something she had passed on to her younger brothers. They usually put in _Tarzan_ at least once a week just to sing "Trashin' the Camp" and make a complete mess of the living room. Suddenly, a small voice came from the doorway.

"I LOVE that song!" said a young boy excitedly.

"Who are you?" asked Shelby.

"I'm Randy," said the boy. "I like singing. Do you like singing too?"

"Hi, Randy. I'm Shelby. I do like singing. Do you want to sing along with me?" Shelby invited.

"Yeah!" exclaimed the boy, and he climbed right up onto the bed with her. They heard _But you can bet before we're through,_ and came in together on the next line.

_Mister, I'll make a man out of you!_

_Tranquil as a forest,_

_But on fire within._

_Once you find your center,_

_you are sure to win._

_You're a spineless, pale,_

_pathetic lot._

_And you haven't got a clue._

_Somehow I'll make a man_

_out of you!_

Randy struggled with the words a little, but overall he knew the song very well. He wasn't half bad as a singer for his age either.

_I'm never gonna catch my breath._

_Say good-bye to those who knew me._

_Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym._

_This guy's got 'em scared to death._

_Hope he doesn't see right through me._

_Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!_

Shelby could tell Randy loved the chorus, as he jumped down from the bed and started making manly poses and flexing his muscles every time the lyrics said "Be a man."

_(Be a man!)_

_We must be swift as the coursing river,_

_(Be a man!)_

_With all the force of a great typhoon,_

_(Be a man!)_

_With all the strength of a raging fire,_

_Mysterious as the dark side of the moon._

Even Shelby's mother was enjoying the show the boy was putting on. Shelby herself laughed through the final verse. This time at the chorus, she indulged his showmanship by adding her own choreography. Really, it was more of interpretative dance, but it more fun that way.

_(Be a man!)_

_We must be swift as the coursing river,_

_(Be a man!)_

_With all the force of a great typhoon,_

_(Be a man!)_

_With all the strength of a raging fire,_

_Mysterious as the dark side of the mooooooon! (hoo-wah!)_

Shelby was laughing quite hard at the end of the song, and so was her mother. Just then, the machine distributing her chemo beeping, signaling that it was ready to be changed to the next drug in the regimen. The nurse came in with the supplies ready, and turned off the annoying signal. Then she noticed the boy in the room.

"Randy! What are you doing in here? Does your mother know where you are?" she asked. Her voice was concerned, but it also had some amusement to it. Clearly, the boy was notorious for wandering off.

"Oh yeah!" he exclaimed, suddenly remembering why he had left his room. "I had to go to the bathroom. There was somebody else in there, so I had to wait. Then I heard my favorite song! So I _had_ to sing it!"

"Alright, let's take you to the bathroom and get you back to your mother," she sighed. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Not a problem, Linda," Shelby responded. She liked kids. They were fun. Randy reminded her a lot of her younger brothers. They had practically begged their mother to let them skip school to hang out with Shelby at the hospital and watch Disney movies, but she insisted that they had to go school. Shelby promised they could come another time if they didn't have school.

"Bye, Shelby! That was fun!" he said as Linda led him out the door. "You sing good!"

Shelby just smiled. "I'm glad we picked the Children's Hospital," she said to her mother. They had considered many places to go for treatment, but since Children's would take anyone under 21, they decided that would be a good option for her while she was still in school.

"Not just for the kids, though," her mother responded, although she was still smiling.

"Of course not," she agreed, but added, "It was for the Optimus Prime band-aids." Her mother just laughed in response. Then Linda returned.

"Well, I see you met Randy already," she said matter-of-factly. "His brother is getting treatment here, and he often gets bored and wanders the halls. It doesn't help that he has the shortest attention span I've ever seen, but he is only five so maybe he can't help it."

"He's something else, that's for sure," Shelby said.

"If you're here at the same time again, I expect this won't be only time you see him," said the nurse. Shelby was unable to tell if it was a warning or a suggestion. Either way, if all of her appointments went this well, maybe this wouldn't so bad after all.

The rest of the weekend made her rethink that a little. As long as she took her anti-nausea medication, she felt pretty decent. But she could definitely tell when it was time to take another, because she started to feel awfully sick to her stomach. Sometimes, she watched the clock fixatedly, waiting until it was okay to take another. The bottle said one every six hours, but the doctor said she would be fine with every four. She went by what the doctor said, and she needed it. Until around Sunday afternoon, she was taking them every four, maybe five hours. She took one last pill before going to bed Sunday night, just to be safe, but she doubted she would needed another in the morning.

She decided against going to school on Monday, since she felt exceedingly tired despite having gotten a good night's sleep. This must have been the fatigue the doctor had warned her about. She did not want to sleep, but she lacked energy to do anything. Her brain also felt quite heavy, and her thoughts were much slower than normal. Being in a fog was the best way to describe it. Or perhaps trying to turn on her family's gas stove. She could hear the flint clicking, trying to light, but it took a few tries to get the flame burning.

Over half of the glee club had looked up her number in the phone book or on the internet and called to see how she was doing. Her mother noticed the phone ringing so frequently and muttered something about getting a cell phone. Shelby assured her concerned friends that she was tired, but otherwise fine and would be back at school tomorrow. They also informed her of the latest gossip, which would be Quinn being pregnant. This was no surprise to Shelby, but what she did not know was the Finn was the suspected father. They were dating, yes, but Finn did not seem like the type of guy that would get a girl pregnant at such a young age. There had to be more to the story than that, but Shelby didn't say anything to anyone else. Maybe the condom had just broken.

The other news of the week was that Mr. Schuester had taken a former student of his who had made some morally questionable life choices under his wing. Her name was April Rhodes, and she had been giving everyone in glee club "advice."

"You did _what_!" had been her response when Kurt told her that he actually taken the ridiculous advice April had given him. "Rubbing alcohol is specifically designed to that people _won't_ drink it, Kurt!"

"I realize that now, and trust me, I won't be doing that again." He sounded annoyed with himself.

"You'd better not," Shelby warned. She was trying to think of a convincing threat that involved one of his new designer jackets, but then he confessed to extending his abstinence to all alcoholic beverages, not just household cleaning supplies were not meant to be drunk in the first place. She had to commend him for that, since she had been contemplating the same thing since her diagnosis. Now, she really did not plan to start drinking, even when she became of legal age.

The next day, the glee club was giving a performance with April Rhodes on lead in place of Rachel. Shelby had picked up the choreography easily during the last-minute rehearsal beforehand, but she was still feeling the fatigue from her treatment on Friday. It made it more difficult for her to keep up to tempo and it hindered her concentration, but she was capable of participating nonetheless. This gave her the confidence she needed to overcome her physical limitations of the day. If she could push through today, then she could prove to herself that cancer would not stop her from being in New Directions.

The country song was up first, and Shelby had to admit that April Rhodes was pretty talented. Shelby was not a huge fan of country music, but she had been known to flip on the local country radio station every once in a while. She could also admit to voting for Carrie Underwood to win _American Idol_. The glee club didn't do country music very often, it was a tricky genre for most of its members, but today it was fun. Cowboy hats and blue jeans actually made a nice change some of the more stereotypical show choir type stuff they wore a lot, like what they were wearing for "Somebody to Love."

As they were getting ready, Mr. Schuester had come to realize that the New Directions were better off without April. They didn't need her to be great. It was about them, the kids, and Mr. Schuester, despite his good intentions, had brought her back for himself, not for them. However, they still needed a female lead to sing the second act. Mr. Schuester was about to cut the program short when Rachel stepped into the room. She was surprisingly willing to call herself an understudy, raising some suspicions in the group.

She answered, completely honestly, with "I realized that being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I let you down when you needed me the most, I'd never forgive myself." There was still some animosity in the room. Shelby however, took this as a sign that Rachel had begun to realize what was really important in her life. She was about to say something, but it was Finn spoke first.

"Then we're going to have to give her a lot of help out there," he said, giving her a warm smile. She tried to return it, but hers was still quite small. She knew she had made a mistake.

"Go get in your costume," Mr. Schuester told her, making that the defining moment of her rejoining the New Directions. It was then that her smile increased and bore her immaculately kept teeth. Rachel left to go change, and there was still a bit of tension floating in the air. They weren't all friends yet, but there was a chance they could be. Shelby would try her best to make that happen. If the quiet girl could make friends with everyone, then surely they could make friends among themselves too.


	5. Chapter 5 The Competition Intensifies

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee.

**Author's Note:** If you haven't guessed it already, yes, I have had cancer. I had the same kind and treatment as the one in the story, so I can say that everything I write in relation to the illness is accurate to the best of my knowledge. Much, but not all, is based on personal experience. What I'm trying to say is: this isn't some romanticized, over-dramatic version of having cancer. This is what it's really like. Just the straight-up facts and real experiences from a real survivor. (I'll let you decide whether I mean myself or Shelby on that last sentence.) Sorry for the long note on a short chapter, but it needed to be said. Now back to the story. :)

Chapter 5: The Competition Intensifies 

The rest of the week went by much more smoothly for Shelby. She had most of her energy back on Wednesday, but it was still easy to strain herself too much. By Thursday, she felt nearly completely back to normal. The rest of the glee club however, seemed more tired than she did. They figured they would have it easy at sectionals since the others glee clubs were from a halfway house and a school for the deaf. While that might be true, Mr. Schuester knew they were too talented to slack off and found a way of motivating them: competition. More specifically, a battle-of-the-sexes. At the reveal of their new homework assignment, Shelby high-fived Mercedes and Tina. They had this in the bag. Their mash-up, or "explosion of musical expression" as Mr. Schuester explained it, would be epic. The girls would perform on Wednesday, which gave them almost a week to practice. Rachel had already called choreography. There was no way the guys were going to beat them.

It turned out that since they knew they could beat the guys with little effort, they were right back to where Mr. Schuester was trying to get them away from. Only Rachel seemed to want to do any work on actual rehearsal. Shelby knew they should, but for some reason her fatigue was coming back. She thought it had passed by now; it had been ten days since her treatment. The next morning, she woke up still tired, but she figured she would just tough it out and go to school anyway. A few hours after being there however, she noticed that she began to feel quite ill. She needed to go to the nurse's office and lie down. Her neck didn't seem to want to support her head, and she wondered if this was how passing out would feel. She had never fainted before, but this had to be as close as she had come. She didn't even know how she made to the nurse's office. She only knew that she pretty much collapsed onto a bed after uttering a few incoherent sentences to the nurse. "Hey. You can't just-" the nurse began, but Shelby pulled back the curtains, sank down onto a bed, and instantly fell asleep.

She awoke a few hours later, feeling much better. Her body still felt weak, fighting whatever it was, but she could at least be functional at glee club this afternoon. It must have been some kind of bug going around school. The chemotherapy had left her immune system extremely vulnerable to disease and infection, so it was only a matter of time before she caught something. She did not expect it to be so soon. Pulling back the curtains, Shelby received a quite a surprise. The usual school nurse was not there, but some blonde woman who appeared to be pregnant.

"Oh, you're awake," she said. "Some of the glee kids came by looking for you. You must be in the group my husband teaches. I don't know what's going on in that glee club, but all of you kids seem a little tired these days. Here you should take one of these." She reached into her purse and pulled out a carton of allergy medication.

"Pseudoephedrine?" asked Shelby incredulously, several things dawning on her at once.

"Yeah, I used to take them all the time to get through high school. I even gave some to your classmates to help them out." She said like it was not a big deal.

"You _what_?" demanded Shelby. She was fed up now, no, more than that, she was infuriated. "You said you were Mr. Schuester's wife? Don't you work at Sheets N' Things!"

"Well, yes, but I took on this as a second job-"

"You are completely unqualified to be a nurse! You don't have any knowledge of health or anatomy let alone a degree in them! You just gave out drugs to students, which is strictly prohibited for school nurses to do by the way, regardless if a student asks for it or not, without informing them of the possible side effects or the drug's _intended_ use!"

Terri became completely defensive, "Who do you think you are? I was hired here fair and square by the principle, who thinks I am perfectly qualified to serve as the school nurse."

"First of all, Principle Figgins would hire a first year med student if it would save him enough money and he could get away with it. It's not hard to convince him of anything. Second of all, I have cancer. So I think I know what I'm talking about when I say you are not even remotely qualified to be considered a viable candidate for a school nurse. If you can't give proper medical advice to an average student who feels tired from not getting enough sleep at night, how are you supposed to handle me when I come back from my chemotherapy treatment next Monday? Lastly, my father is a lawyer, and he will have you out of this school faster than you can 'lawsuit.' Did I make myself clear now, Mrs. Schuester?"

Now Terri was lost for words. Shelby took this opportunity to leave the office and go to glee club. The guys were ready to start their mash-up. _Bon Jovi_, she thought, _I approve_. Another little known fact about Shelby was that she loved classic rock. She'd take that over a Top 40 music station any day. She couldn't help but notice there was something a bit off about Finn. He was off his rocker, and not the classic rocker type. That must have been to whom Terri had given the pills. Finn had been tired lately. Now he was high as the Fourth of July. Then, she noticed it wasn't just him. The other guys looked crazy too. What had Terri done, given him an entire box? Even Mr. Schuester made a comment about somebody slipping something into their juice boxes. _If only he knew_, Shelby thought darkly.

Rachel had called an emergency meeting of the girls' group after the boys' number. She seemed to go on forever about how they should have listened to her and rehearsed more on their number. Shelby was only half listening now. She still didn't feel well, and the berating voice of Rachel Berry was not one she wanted to hear at the moment. Then Kurt stepped into room and confessed that they had all taken something to boost their performance. Shelby already knew this, of course, and could do nothing but glare at him for the time being. She didn't have enough energy to tell off anyone else today. She was just going to go home and rest.

The next morning, Shelby didn't come to school until her classes started. That was why she had reorganized her schedule; she might as well use it. Little to her knowledge, the others had gone to Terri, who was still unbelievably school nurse, and received the same treatment the boys had the previous day. She cursed her father's busy work schedule, and just went to glee club after school. She changed into the yellow dress that Rachel insisted that they wear because one of their songs was "Walking on Sunshine." She didn't know anything strange about the girls at first, until Rachel started talking even faster than usual. Shelby didn't even know that was possible. Then again, drug enhancement did weird things to people. It was lucky Shelby was facing the back of the room and not the audience. Her face was furious. When the song started, Shelby dropped her anger and decided to give it her all without being high on allergy medication. She had something to prove today: that she could pull off having as much energy as the others without any stimulation. She nailed the choreography as well as any of them, but the biggest difference in Shelby was that she didn't need to be over-the-top with her performance. She was simply herself with some added volume and pizzazz. Mr. Schuester loved their performance, just as he had the boys'. Shelby couldn't believe they had just gotten away with that.

The next day, the kids felt guilty about how they had taken some "enhancement" before their performances and confessed to Mr. Schuester. Shelby managed to talk to them all beforehand without losing her composure. She merely expressed her disappointment and frustration in their decision. They knew that they had made a bad decision, so she spared them a long lecture. Their disappointed director would give them one soon enough. That was to be expected. What they were not expecting however, was the introduction of Sue Sylvester as the new co-director.


	6. Chapter 6 Standing Tall

**Disclaimer:** This chapter contains borrowed dialogue from the episodes "Throwdown" (just a few lines) and "Mash-up" for contextual purposes. No copyright infringement intended. I do not own Glee.

**Author's Note:** Congratulations on making it this far! A lot of the heavier, character-establishing stuff is out of the way, so now the story can really take off. Enjoy!

Chapter 6: Standing Tall

Shelby could not even begin to imagine what Sue Sylvester had in store for the glee club. All she knew was that it could be nothing good. She had not seen or spoken to her former coach since the day she quit, and she was not sure how her former coach would react. She also didn't care to find out.

"All right, everybody, listen up," said the co-director. "When you hear your name called, cross over to my side of this black, shiny thing."

"It's called a piano, Sue," said Mr. Schuester, but his comment was ignored.

"Santana," was the first name she called, followed by all of the 'minority' students for which she used increasingly inappropriate names.

"Cancer chick!" she called last, referring to Shelby.

Shelby said nothing, but gave her a scandalized look that clearly said, _what did you just call me!_ Shelby locked eyes with her as she passed, leering with all of her will power. The woman's face looked like it was made of stone. It was as if she had once been in a staring contest with Medusa and won. Shelby had to wonder if she ever had the guts to hit it, if it would break her hand in the process. She reluctantly joined Sue's side of the choir room.

Sue brought in "Hate on Me" to for their group to work on that day. Shelby had to admit that she was going to enjoy doing a different style of music than she was used to singing. She loved show tunes as much as the next music appreciator, but being in a show choir shouldn't have to mean that they had to do them all the time. It was a fun day, doing something more out of the norm for them. Mike and Matt could show of their dance moves, Mercedes could belt out the R&B like nobody's business, and the rest of them could let loose with their voices and dancing as they saw fit. Shelby kept the background and harmonies going with Tina and Santana, who weren't afraid to use the furniture in their improvised choreography. Sue may have even looked moderately impressed with their performance.

It was shame the co-director had to miss their spontaneous jam session with the other members in Mr. Schuester's part of the group, because it had been equally as good. Then again, she probably would have scolded them for giving in to the peer pressure of conforming into large group. Shelby resented the whole idea and considered it completely ridiculous.

"Don't you like being in a group where we can express ourselves?" asked Mercedes.

"Well, yeah, but I don't want to be included in one just because I've been labeled with some special status." Shelby explained bitterly. "We can all express ourselves in glee club just fine without splitting up. If you don't think you're voice in being heard, speak up. Even if Mr. Schuester doesn't incorporate new ideas right away, at least he listens. You guys know him; a lot of his musical experience is still stuck in the 80s. He'll come around gradually." The other kids had to admit she had a point. "Most importantly though, I don't want to be known as 'the cancer girl' any more than you guys would want to be called what Miss Sylvester called you when she put you into this group. I am NOT my disease. It's a part of me, yes, but it's not all I am. I refuse to be part of a label that will define myself for me. I detest this idea of hers and I'm going back to the other group whether she likes it or not." As she got up to leave, she heard her name.

"Shelby?" She froze. It was Kurt's voice she heard, soft and cautious. "You're wearing a hat."

"Yeah," she said quietly, her back to him. "So?"

"You've been wearing the same one all week. Take it off," he stated. It wasn't a question. But it wasn't a demand either.

"W-w-why?" she stammered, turning around, but still not meetings his eyes.

"I think you know why," he said sadly. Shelby obeyed. It was time to share with them what she had known since Monday. It began with a little extra hair in the comb, which at first meant nothing to her. But then, she had started to notice loose hairs hanging down all over her head. She pulled them out, but there always seemed to be more appearing. Finally, she had tested her suspicions by pulling at a tuft of hair about an inch in diameter. A good 20 strands or so remained in her hand after she pulled it away. Her suspicions were confirmed. Her hair was falling out. She had been covering it up with a cute French bucket hat all week, and someone had finally noticed. She removed her hat to reveal that her normally very thick hair had been reduced to less than half of its usual volume. All they could do was stare in disbelief.

"It's falling out," she confirmed, turning her hat along the brim in her hands. "I'm shaving it off tonight. I have another treatment tomorrow, which means it'll only get worse, and it's already driving me nuts. It's just that, it bothers me that I'll look sick after this. I mean, people are going to know. I'm going to be judged by how I look."

"That's why you detest Miss Sylvester's grouping so much. You don't want other people to sort you based on what they label you by your appearance." What was it about Kurt and her that they were able to understand each other so well? She could only nod in response, her eyes starting to water slightly.

"Honey, come here," said Mercedes, offering her arms open for a hug. Shelby accepted her gesture. "You're right," Mercedes added, releasing her, "You're absolutely right. We're way more than the labels Miss Sylvester gave us, and tomorrow we're going to let her know. Sorry you won't be there to see it, though."

"That's okay. You guys can hold your own just fine. I know it," she encouraged them, smiling.

Although Shelby was not present to see it, Mr. Schuester and Miss Sylvester had a shouting match in the auditorium, giving the New Directions' members the perfect opportunity to make their statement about the segregation of the two groups. Much more, they walked out on the opposing co-directors. Shelby was proud of them.

Come Monday, they had a heartfelt talk about how they were going to remain one cohesive glee club, and combine and celebrate their differences rather than ignoring or exploiting them. Then the unthinkable happened. Miss Sylvester dropped the bomb that Quinn was pregnant. They all knew of course, but that was beside the point. It was not her place to tell, and Quinn had not known that they knew. She barely held it together through "Keep Holding On," and no one could blame her. Shelby felt a heavy fatigue that day, but pushed through it. She may be drained physically, but Quinn was drained emotionally – and that was equally demanding.

Shelby paid for working so hard at rehearsal the following morning. She was so tired, she didn't want to get out of bed. Today seemed like a good day for a _Criminal Minds_ marathon. They would be reruns for her, so her brain would not have to exert any effort in trying to follow the plot. She could just sit and watch. Hopefully, she could get in a nap or two, but her body felt too tired to sleep. It was difficult to sleep when all she could think about was how badly she wanted to. Eventually, around mid-afternoon, she received a call from Mercedes. Shelby realized it would be time for Glee rehearsal if she had been at school today.

"Hi, Mercedes," she answered sleepily.

"Hey, Shells. How you doin'? You weren't at school today, and we were worried about you," said her voice from the other end. Shelby's brain was in that fog again. It was hard to think quickly or efficiently. It could make holding conversation quite difficult.

"Shells?" she wondered aloud.

"Oh, it just kind of slipped out. I guess you could call it a nickname. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I kinda like it. It's got a nice ring to it," she supposed. She had never had a nickname before, but then again, she had never had any friends close enough to call her by one.

"You sound like you're really out of it, girl, are you sure you're okay?" she sounded concerned.

"I _feel_ out of it," Shelby admitted. "I'm tired as hell, and my brain doesn't want to function properly."

"I'm sorry to hear that. If ever need anything, I will be over at your place in snap," said Mercedes.

"Thanks, Mercedes. But do you know where my house is? I am in no state to give you directions on how to get here," said Shelby, laughing at how true it was.

"It's no big. You just get some sleep okay?" she gave instructions like a mother.

"I'll try," Shelby promised. Mercedes must have had words of magic since Shelby was able to fall asleep as soon as she hung up the phone. She took a three-hour power nap until dinner and still went to bed at 9 o'clock. It paid off the next day, as she fully ready to go to school and glee club. Before she could get very far after her last class of the day let out, a voice caught her attention in the hallway.

"Shelby! Hey, wait up!" Shelby turned around to see one of her non-glee club friends trying to catch up to her as he weaved in and out around the crowd of other students.

"Oh, hey, Brendon. What's up?" she greeted when he reached her.

"Can we talk for a sec?" he asked. He seemed agitated about something.

"Sure, about what?" she wondered.

"Well, um, I just…" he stumbled, trying to find the right words. Then he met her eyes, his own filled with worry. "Is it true you have cancer?"

"Yeah, I do," she answered truthfully. He looked shocked and concerned, obviously, but he also showed signs of something else. Was he offended?

"Oh my God," he said, making his distress apparent. He was shaking his head as one of his hands ran through his hair. "But, why didn't you tell me?" he asked, bewildered. He was genuinely upset that she had not told him personally. She supposed that she ought to have told her small group of friends, but at the same time, they had not been all that close. Her introverted tendencies kept her distant from them, so she could honestly say that she had not given much thought to telling them. Seeing Brendon's saddened face however, was now making her rethink her position. She felt guilty that she might have undervalued his friendship.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I just, didn't know how, I guess."

"I can't say I blame you," he said. He knew perfectly well that she rarely shared any personal information about herself. He couldn't imagine how she was feeling about being so exposed. "But listen, I was cool with you joining the glee club, and I'm cool with you having cancer," he flinched, realizing his poor choice in words. "Well, not really, but you know what I mean. I just want you to know that if you ever need anything, just ask. You're allowed visitors with you at appointments, right? Do you want me to take you some time?" He offered, making up for his awkward phrasing.

"My mom usually takes me, but thanks for offering," she said apologetically.

"Oh well, I'll see you later then," he said when they reached the choir room. He gave the Glee kids a nod and left.

"Who was that?" asked Mercedes, raising an eyebrow at her. "'Cause he is a pretty fine-looking man."

"His name is Brendon, and he's a _friend_," Shelby informed her, adding emphasis on the word that reflected their relationship status. "He he sat next to me in algebra class sophomore year. It was too easy for both of us and we kind of bonded."

"You ever think about dating him?" she asked with a smile.

"Not really, but I'm not one to think about that kind of thing anyway," she answered, growing increasingly uncomfortable.

"Well, maybe you _should_," her friend suggested. Shelby remained silent since she couldn't deny that she had occasionally thought of Brendon that way. He was rather attractive, and he was probably her closest friend outside of the glee club. But for now, Shelby needed to concentrate on making close friends. Dating would come in due time. Plus, she had more important things on her mind at the moment. Like the whole having cancer thing. That was a pretty big downer. Most people didn't know how to act around her, much less know how to approach dating her. Glad to have an interruption from her deep thoughts, Mr. Schuester came in to start rehearsal for the day.

A little out of the ordinary this afternoon, Puck had taken on a solo project. His rendition of "Sweet Caroline" was charming, and its addictively fun mood spread over the group. Other members joined in to add harmonies and the "ba-ba-ba" of the brass section between phrases. As much fun as Shelby was having showing off her upper range a bit by taking the soprano octave, she couldn't help but notice some strange chemistries in the room. Puck seemed to be singing to Rachel, which was interesting in itself, but even more interesting was how if affected some others in the room. Santana appeared to be batting a jealous eye, but that couldn't be too unusual as she and Puck had been considered an item a short while back. Finn didn't seem keen on the idea of Puck and Rachel either. Although, she wouldn't call his look jealousy exactly; it was more that he was unsure of himself. He had been getting quite attached to her despite continuing to go steady with Quinn. On the subject of Quinn, she also had a curious expression about her. She seemed to be seeing Puck in a new light, a new light that she liked. Shelby decided to keep an eye open for more instances of the glee club's members batting eyes at one another. There was clearly more going on than most of the kids realized. It didn't help that they also had more important things to worry about than petty gossip.

Coach Tenaka had given the guys on the football team an ultimatum: football or glee club. He had scheduled practice at the same time at rehearsal, forcing them to choose one or the other. Finn was already struggling this week with the blow of receiving his first slushie attack. He and Quinn were officially no longer the "It" couple. With all of that on his mind, it was no wonder the New Directions members were waiting on him and the other football players on Thursday afternoon. They all felt hurt when they believed that the guys really were not going to show up. Finn and Shelby were not particularly close, but they had their moments. He reminded her a little of her older brother, which in a way made her afraid to get close to him, but he was a genuinely nice guy who made an effort to do the morally right thing most of the time. She could only hope that is was one of those times. A glimmer of hope came in the form of Matt and Mike when they walked into the room. Glee club had won in their minds.

Hope became more than a glimmer when Puck entered the room. If the New Directions were more important to him than football, then surely, surely, Finn would feel the same. …Wouldn't he?

Finn did not come to rehearsal on Thursday. He had been at football practice. The next day, Artie, Tina, and Mercedes had all worn ponchos in anticipation of being slushied. Shelby considered doing the same, but she was going to be optimistic that she wouldn't be slushied out of pity when she wore a tight, thin scarf around her head instead of a hat. Shelby hated getting looks of pity from people, which were becoming plentiful now that the fact that she had cancer was no longer a secret, but if it would keep that frozen, artificially flavored goo out of her face, then she was going to take full advantage of it.

"Is that a silk Alexander McQueen?" asked Kurt, impressed, stopping her in the hallway. Leave it to him to know good taste in accessories when he saw it. He himself was wearing a clear, plastic-like jacket that looked functionally slushie-proof.

Shelby merely smiled and said, "You would know that," he grinned in response, "but yes, it is."

The two of them and Rachel, who was standing next to Kurt wearing a pink rain jacket, had a good laugh until they saw trouble coming. Finn was walking towards them, purple slushie in hand. Their faces fell instantly. They knew what was coming.

"Do it," Kurt dared. He knew that the slushie was meant for him. Shelby watched the situation intensely and was fully prepared to take the hit for him, designer scarf or not. Kurt would probably kill her for that.

"I really don't want to, honestly," said Finn, not meeting their eyes. Shelby knew he was telling the truth, but if he cared about them that much he would have come to glee club yesterday instead of football. "I know how picky you are about the products you use on your face."

"But you've been getting so much pressure from those gorillas on the football team. I guess they didn't appreciate me resigning from the team and choosing Glee," said Kurt, accepting his fate. Shelby had forgotten that he was the kicker. She swore the chemo was affecting her memory retrieval.

"Probably would have gone over better if you hadn't announced it in the showers," Finn admitted.

"You are _not_ gonna slushie on my man, Kurt," said Mercedes firmly with plenty of attitude to back it up. She and the other poncho-clad members had approached as Finn was talking.

"Why wouldn't he?" taunted Rachel. "He made his choice. He doesn't care about us _losers_ anymore."

"Rachel's right," said Shelby, speaking up at last. Everyone turned to face her. Being the quiet kid had its advantages. When you finally decided to say something, people listened. "Glee is where you find out who your real friends are. For a while, I thought you were one of them." Her words hurt him, she could tell, but right now she didn't care. He needed to hear it.

"Naw, that's not it," Finn protested, looking frustrated. "It's just that if I don't do it the guys on the team are going to kick the crap out of me."

"Well, we can't have that can we?" Kurt said flatly. He took the cup.

"What are you doing?" Finn wondered, confused. Shelby knew. Her eyes were watering already, not ready to see how the situation would play out.

"It's called taking one for the team," Kurt replied, his voice much darker than usual. Then he splashed the cupful of purple, corn syrup-filled, ice-cold, slushie all over his own face. The other members looked disgusted; they all knew what it felt like to take one of those horrible mixtures in the face. And Kurt had just taken one _willingly_. Shelby's hands flew up to her face, cupping her nose and mouth. Unconsciously, she was hoping to stop the tears from spilling out if she held onto the tear ducts. Finn could do nothing but stare at him alarm. Kurt just wiped the purple goo from his eyes so he could look Finn in the face properly and say, "Now get out of here. And take some time to think about whether any of your 'friends' on the football team would have done that for you." Finn could do nothing but stare at them all awkwardly as he turned to walk away. He was still trying to take in what had just happened.

"Someone get me to a day-spa stat!" Kurt exclaimed a few seconds later, comprehending to what he had subjected his own face. Rachel and Mercedes pulled him into the girls' room, conveniently nearby, followed by Tina and Shelby.

Once the initial layer of purple had been removed, Kurt noticed Shelby's reddened eyes. When he asked her what had brought it on, she simply replied, "You continue to inspire me, Kurt."

He turned to face her. Whatever he had expected her to say, that had been far from it. There was water forming in his eyes too. "No, stop it!" He said to himself, rubbing his eyes, but Shelby smiled.

"But maybe it'll help get the slushie out," she suggested. He stared at for a moment, and then started to laugh. The others joined in and soon they were all laughing uncontrollably. After a few minutes passed, none of them could remember what had been so funny in the first place. But that only made them laugh harder.

That wasn't the only time that day that Shelby spent an extended period of time in the bathroom. She walked in on Quinn crying in one that afternoon.

"Quinn?" Shelby asked gently. "Is something wrong?" That was obvious, but she didn't know what else to say.

"I got kicked off the Cheerios," she explained tearfully. That was not good. Quinn loved the Cheerios, and it was the only other thing she had to look forward to besides the glee club.

"Join the club," said Shelby, old memories resurfacing. There could be only one reason for the brutal coach's sudden, and most likely public, dismissal. "She kicked you out because you're pregnant, didn't she?"

"Yeah," she admitted. "Why else? She said I was a disgrace." She sniffed. "Wait, what did you mean by join the club?"

"Didn't you hear? I was kicked off too. Well, I kind of found out I was supposed to be and then quit before she got the chance, but still." Shelby explained.

"Why would she do that?" Quinn asked, her crying momentarily subdued.

"Because of this," she said, pointing to her scarf-covered head. "Somehow she found out about me having cancer and kicked me off because I wouldn't have any hair. I believe her exact words were something about there not being a wig in the world that could withstand one of her routines."

Quinn looked appalled. She knew the coach was mean, but this was borderline universally immoral. "Will you get a wig then?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I dunno. Maybe," Shelby supposed. She had not given the idea much thought yet as she was content with expanding her collection of hats and scarves. "But back to Miss Sylvester. You're way better off without her. Trust me. And, the glee club will be way more supportive than the Cheerios ever would be. You have real friends here; ones that will never let you down and will be loyal until the end."

"Really?" she asked hopefully.

"I know I will be," she comforted.

"Thank you, Shelby," Quinn said earnestly, and hugged her.

"It'll be hard, but it'll get better," Shelby said, staring into the mirror behind Quinn.

"You're one to talk," Quinn replied. Shelby had seen that one coming, as she had been thinking the same thing to herself as she stared at herself in the mirror. She was trying to convince herself that things would get better.

For a while, they just might. The once glimmer of hope was now shining brightly as the sun when Finn walked into glee club on Monday with a tray full of slushies as a welcome back present. They weren't so bad when they weren't being thrown in her face. It was only an associated fear. Having Finn back meant that football and glee club would be in a forced harmony once again. While he and the other guys could continue playing on the team, they still had the fear of the cold, corn-syrup-y, goodness coming their way. Quinn felt the same way about no longer being on the Cheerios until Mr. Schuester reminded her that there were twelve of her friends standing before her that would be more than willing to help her clean off her face. Shelby gave her a warm smile to remind her of their conversation earlier, which Quinn returned. Then their director let slip that he had never had the experience of being hit with a slushie. The moment he saw the reaction from the group he knew he had walked right into a slushie attack from his club. Thirteen thrown at him at once? She had to give him fair props for taking one for the team in their honor. Maybe things were going to get better. Then she thought, _yeah, right!_ Who was she kidding? This was high school.


	7. Chapter 7 Wheeling Around

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee or songs used.

Chapter 7: Wheeling Around

The New Directions was already having battles with the administration and lack of available school funds. In order to be able to take a handicap accessible bus to sectionals, they would have to raise enough money on their own. Mr. Schuester suggested a bake sale. Shelby didn't mind the idea too much, but most of the others were less than excited. Hardly any of them could bake anything edible, let alone something that would be good enough to sell. Shelby figured she would just make brownies or cupcakes –something that came in a box. Her only worry was that it was going to depress her that she would not be able to eat any of it. Her doctor had told her that cancer fed off of sugar, and she should try to eat as little of it as possible. It was also on her lengthy list of items she did not eat on the weekends following treatments to avoid increased nausea. She could easily resist eating her baked goods with information like that, but it didn't mean that it made her miss them any less.

Despite the group's protests, Mr. Schuester's word was final. They were having a bake sale to raise enough money to take a bus together. He also added another assignment: they were to spend three hours a day in a wheelchair for the next week. Most of the time it wasn't too bad, except for Shelby found it quite difficult to reach anything that was more than five feet off the ground. Being only a little more five feet, four inches tall, her arm span was not ideal for being so low to ground. Opening her locker was going to be nearly impossible.

"Seriously? Why do they give the short kids lockers on top in the first place?" she cried, and hit the locker with her fist out of frustration. To her surprise, it popped open. "Sweet!" she exclaimed before realizing that she still would not be able to retrieve any items from within it. She scoffed and closed it. "Oh well. Screw you, precalculus. I don't like that class anyway." She wheeled off.

The second dilemma of the week was the newest song selection for sectionals, "Defying Gravity." Rachel had been given the solo, once again, to the dismay of a few. Mercedes had gotten over it (what girl wouldn't when promised items dipped in chocolate, whether they were metaphorical or not) but Kurt it seemed, had not. He definitely had the range and the control to sing it, but the only setback was that the song was traditionally sung by a woman. Coming to terms with the dilemma, after some persuasion by Kurt's father and the principle, Mr. Schuester decided to hold auditions for the solo. The other glee club members would be voting on who they thought would be best for the solo.

The first day tabling for the bake sale was Friday, which Shelby had to miss since she was having another treatment. She could only imagine that it would be disastrous. To pass the afternoon, Shelby had brought a book to read. She absorbed in the fictional world of the novel when an excited voice brought her back to Earth.

"Shelby! You're here again!" said a small sandy-haired boy in the doorway.

"Hi, Randy," said Shelby brightly, but she added, "Does your mom know where you are?"

"Yeah, she's in the room right across the hall! Do you wanna see her?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"Sure, okay," she said getting up. She had to pull along the cart that was hooked up to her port that was currently distributing chemotherapy, which made travel a little awkward, but if it was just across the hall, it wouldn't be so bad.

"Look, Mommy, this is Shelby!" Randy said excitedly, pulling her by her free hand.

"Nice to meet you, Shelby," the woman greeted. "Randy has been talking about you every time we come here, hoping he'd see you again."

"I'm sure he has," Shelby agreed. That boy's enthusiasm knew no bounds.

"Hey, look! She had medicine with her just like Nicky!" he said pointing first to herself and then to another boy who must have been his brother.

"That she does," said his mother. "There are lots of kids here with medicine, remember?"

"Can we sing another song?" he asked Shelby, not listening to his mother.

"Sure, we can," Shelby answered while meeting his exasperated mother's eyes to ensure that she was welcome to stay. "Does your brother sing too? Nick was it?" she asked, turning to him.

"Yeah, I guess," he replied shrugging.

"Do you have a favorite band or singer?" she prompted. "I'll let you pick the song." That cheered him up.

"I love Lifehouse. Do you know 'Halfway Gone'?" he asked, getting out his iPod and portable speakers.

"Are you kidding? They're my favorite band! How old are you?" Shelby was dumbfounded. She thought kids all liked Bruno Mars, or Jay-Z, or Lady Gaga, or other popular artists. Lifehouse was a little lesser known to his age group.

"I'm nine," he replied, "almost ten." Knowing kids, "almost" could mean a few more months.

"He gets that from his cousin, who's really more like an older brother to him," explained his mother. That made more sense now, but Shelby still thought it was awesome that she met someone else that shared her appreciation for her favorite music group. Then the music started. Nick started off the song strong. It was a big hit over the summer, so he had probably listened to it a lot.

_You were always hard to hold,_

_So letting go ain't easy._

_I'm hanging on but growing cold_

_While my mind is leaving._

Shelby jumped in on the lines leading into the chorus. It sounded different when it was sung by a female, but Nick seemed to enjoy her voice with his.

_Talk, talk is cheap._

_Give me a word you can keep._

Randy joined in the chorus, no longer able to sit still. He probably knew at least the chorus by heart if Nick listened to it frequently at home.

_Cause you're halfway gone and I'm on way,_

_And I'm feelin', feelin', feelin' this way._

_Cause I'm halfway in but don't take too long,_

_Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone. (oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh)_

_Halfway gone, I'm halfway gone. _

Sure enough, Randy dropped out of the second verse. Instead of singing, he rocked an air guitar.

_You got one foot out the door,_

_And choking on the other._

_Always think there's something more,_

_It's just around the corner._

_Talk, talk is cheap._

_Give me a word you can keep. (You can keep)_

All of them hit the chorus going strong, having a great time. Nick started an air guitar, too. Shelby picked up a set of air drums. Randy was going full-on rock star mode, pulling some crazy moves with his air guitar such as jumping around and spinning around on the floor.

_Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on way,_

_And I'm feelin', feelin', feelin this way_

_Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long,_

_Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone_.

Now Shelby got up next to Nick and Randy, who had smashed his air guitar, and pretended to sing into a microphone. The trio of them sang together, feeding of each other's excitement. Their mother was grinning at the two boys, glad that they were having so much fun at the normally boring hospital.

_If you want me out, then I'm on my way,_

_And I'm feelin', feelin', feelin' this way._

_Cause you're halfway in, but don't take too long,_

_Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone. (oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh)_

_I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone. (oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh)_

Just then, they were interrupted by a loud beeping noise. Nick's medicine was done. "Aw," he said, disappointed, turning off the music. "All done for the day, though," he said optimistically.

"Lucky," said Shelby. "I have to wait for this one to finish. It says there's about 40 minutes left."

"Thanks for singing with us," said Nick.

"Yeah, thanks!" added Randy.

"I hope we'll see you again."

"Yeah, again!"

These two truly reminded Shelby of her younger brothers. "We'll see okay?" said Shelby. She did not know what Nick's treatment schedule looked like, so she could not be sure when or if she would see the boys again. A part of her really wanted to see them again; they were growing on her. For now, she would just continue her book.

The weekend was quite uneventful as Shelby spent the days recuperating at home after the treatment. She slept in Monday morning, and came to school late that day. She would have to use her wheelchair the whole time as part of Mr. Schuester's assignment, but she honestly did not mind today. She was feeling the post-treatment fatigue and was enjoying not walking everywhere when she was this tired. However, it did give her arms a good workout, and she had to take a break periodically since the frequent motion bothered her port. After a while it got out of place when she moved her arms wrong or sat in an awkward position, so she just gave it a rub to make it feel better. It didn't hurt anymore, however, so that was good.

After school, Mercedes invited her rehearse with her and Kurt, who wanted to challenge his vocal range. She agreed but was unsure of how useful she would actually be. High "F" was about her limit, and that was on a good day. Together they ran through the basic warm-up exercises and gradually worked their way higher. Shelby took in deep, low breaths to support her as she approached the break in her soprano range. She could hit high "E" no problem, but as she tried to go higher, she could feel herself reaching her limit. She urged herself on, _just one more_, she thought. She took a huge breath of air and… nailed it. All three of them took a moment to celebrate. Getting that high was easy for Mercedes, and she could do it in her chest voice. Shelby had been using her head voice for several notes already by that point. Kurt, of course, was thrilled with hitting the high note, meaning that he was fully ready to take on "Defying Gravity." Shelby would bet that he could even get a note or two higher if he tried.

"Shelby, why didn't you try and audition?" asked Mercedes.

"Are you kidding? I can't belt like that! I love the song, but I could not do it justice," she said realistically. She knew her limits as a singer, and she would give a lot of things for the ability to have powerhouse vocals like that. It took great effort for her to get that high, and after all of the heavy breathing she had done, the fatigue had started to bother her even more. She saw her vision blur and felt her head get lighter, so she put her head down slightly and blinked it away. The feeling passed.

"Whoa, Shells, are you okay?" worried Mercedes.

"You should sit down," advised Kurt, pulling up a chair.

"Good idea," she agreed. "But I'm okay. The fatigue is just getting to me a little. It took a lot of energy to get that high."

"But you did it," Mercedes reminded her.

"I did!" said Shelby, feeling proud of herself. "Maybe I should go home now, though."

"Yeah, you should get some rest. You don't wanna miss the diva-off tomorrow. When did you get a cell phone?" she asked, noticing the device that Shelby had pulled out to call her mother.

"Oh, earlier this week. I guess I forgot to tell you,"

"Girl, I need your digits. You have texting right?"

"Unlimited," she said, grinning.

"How about three-way calling?" asked Kurt, pulling out his phone as well.

"I'm not sure, but I can probably figure it out," she replied. It was great that she was making friends with whom she could exchange cell phone numbers. Moreover, it was just great that she was making friends.

Today was the big diva-off. Shelby made sure to get plenty of rest and not overwork herself so she could be sure to make it. Both Rachel and Kurt were equally apt for the part. They were certainly a run for the other's money. But then something completely unexpected happened. Kurt missed the high note. It didn't make sense. He could hit that note; easily in fact, she knew he could. He finished off the last few bars of the song, but it was all over. Rachel would sing hers perfectly, and she would win the contest. Shelby studied Kurt's face intently after he was finished. Something was not right. He looked hurt, obviously, and disappointed, but he did not look frustrated. It was more a look of hard acceptance. _He couldn't have_, thought Shelby. _No, Kurt would never… not for a song like that…_ But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. He had thrown the competition. The question remaining was why? Something was very wrong, and she was going to find out what.

"Talk to me, Kurt," Shelby told him over the phone that night.

"There's nothing to say, Shelby," he replied. "I missed the note. I couldn't hit it."

"That's a load of bull crap. You and I both know you can hit that note no problem. You threw it on purpose, I'm sure of it. My question is why?" she asked, extremely concerned.

"Well, I suppose there's no use in hiding it from you, so I guess I better just tell you. My dad got an unfriendly phone call the other day. You know, the anonymous kind. I'm used to that kind of thing, but he's never had to deal with that kind of hostility. He was really torn up about it, and I hated seeing him like that. I knew things would only get worse if I got up and sang a girl's song, so I blew it. On purpose. There, you were right." Thoughts raced through Shelby's mind. She could not believe the nerve of some ignorant people. To call up someone's home for the sole purpose of leaving a hateful message was not only uncalled for, it was absolutely inexcusable. It was too bad that whoever it had been had cowardly concealed their identity. Otherwise, Shelby might not have been able to resist the temptation to break her karate vows of only using her skills for self-defense.

"How do you do that?" he wondered.

"Do what?" Shelby responded, confused.

"Figure people out like that. No one even has to say anything to you, and you can figure people out just by looking at them," he said, completely baffled.

"I'm just overly observant. I notice slight changes in expression that often go unnoticed," she replied simply.

"And you learned this from watching people by being the quiet kid?" he asked, almost doubtfully.

"Pretty much," she answered, not wanting to divulge any further information.

"Why do I get the feeling there's more to you than that?" he suspected.

"I never said that," she said defensively.

"By that answer, now I'm really curious," he teased.

"This conversation is getting nowhere. Goodnight, Kurt," she said definitively. He chuckled.

"Goodnight, Shelby," and they hung up.


	8. Chapter 8 Ballads

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee or songs used.

Chapter 8: Ballads

At the next glee club rehearsal, Mr. Schuester introduced a new rule for the sectionals competition. They would have to perform a ballad. In order to decide which song to perform, the New Directions were put randomly into pairs in which they would choose a ballad to sing together. Unfortunately for Shelby, she had been absent that day due to the fact that she had sprained her ankle the night before. Feeling extremely fatigued, she had thought she had been at the bottom of the stairs leading into the Kolton family basement, but in fact, there were no less than three steps left. Shelby had stepped right over all of them and landed hard on her left ankle, twisting it inward. She was unable to walk very well the next day, so she thought it best that she keep it on ice and elevated at home since using crutches would be painful with her port. In her absence, Rachel had been partnered with Mr. Schuester temporarily to rehearse a possible ballad for sectionals. Apparently Matt had been absent as well due to something about a spider being lodged inside of his ear.

In any case, Shelby had started working on a song of her own. She needed something to do all day while she had her foot up. Plus, Rachel would need a partner when she came back, and Shelby wanted to convince the young diva to help her with a favor. There was a particular song Shelby had in mind, and she thought that Rachel might agree to it if she could get an arrangement for a duet.

However, everyone's plans for the week had been thrown around by more baby drama. Quinn's parents had found out that she was pregnant and kicked her out. This caused serious stress for her and Finn, obviously, but all of the glee club's members were stressed out too, from worrying about them. No one was able to focus on practicing their ballads. Shelby could barely talk to Rachel without everything she said relating back to Mr. Schuester. It seemed singing with him had caused her to develop a schoolgirl crush on him, and she was currently only concerned with trying to get his attention. Shelby was about to give up on trying to sing a duet with her.

"I want to be her friend, I really do," she confided in Finn one day before rehearsal. "I would love to sing with her, she's incredibly talented, but right now I can't get her to give me the time of day."

"I know she can be a lot to handle," he admitted, "but she's also one of the nicest people I've ever met. When she's not in a competition, that is. Just give her a chance. She'll come around."

"I hope so. I don't peg her as the type of girl to turn down an opportunity to perform," Shelby had to agree with him.

"And you'd be right about that," he said, smiling.

For now, she would keep practicing the song on her own, as she still wanted to share it with the rest of the club. Hopefully she could convince Rachel to do it with her, but if not, Shelby would just have to prepare for her first solo. As for the completing ballad assignment however, it was Mercedes who had come up with a solution to all of their stress over the pregnancy. They would all prepare a surprise ballad dedicated to Finn and Quinn together. What would be a better choice than "Lean On Me"?

Everyone loved the idea as they were all having trouble coming up with ballads on their own, and because they all wanted to support Finn and Quinn. They wanted the couple to know that they were there for them to lean on when they were feeling down. Shelby fully supported the idea. She may have cancer, but Quinn was pregnant at, how old was she? Fifteen? Sixteen maybe? That was far too young for someone to have to handle having a baby. Without the support of her parents, what was she supposed to do? For now, she had moved in with Finn and his mother, but that couldn't last forever. Shelby had to feel for the girl; she had a lot with which to cope at such a young age. Shelby could definitely relate to that.

That weekend, Shelby received an unexpected visit at her house. The one and only Rachel Berry was standing at her front door.

"Hi, Rachel," she greeted in surprise.

"Hi, Shelby. Can I come in?" she asked politely.

"Of course," Shelby said, leading her into the living room.

"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior this week. I know I wasn't a very good duet partner. I got caught up in a childish fantasy that I could get Mr. Schuester to be interested in me. But I've realized my mistakes and I want to make it up to you." She sounded genuinely sorry. It was nice to see a more vulnerable side of her that was usually lost when she was always striving to be the best.

"Thanks, Rachel. I've been working on a ballad as more of a solo now, but I would love for you to do back-up harmony with me. I don't know if I'm quite ready for a solo yet anyway."

"Of course you are. Your voice is beautiful. I haven't heard you sing very often, but I know you could handle it. You just need to sing something that really means something to you, something you wouldn't be able put into words otherwise. That's what music is for. Somehow it conveys a special meaning that you can't express any other way," she encouraged. What she said meant a great deal to Shelby as Rachel had grown up with music her whole life. She knew how to choose the right song for every occasion, and she could see potential talent in anyone.

"Thanks for the encouragement, but I still want you to sing with me. It would mean a lot to me," said Shelby.

"I'd love to," Rachel replied, smiling. "What's the song?"

At Monday's rehearsal, Shelby was fully prepared to sing in front of the glee club for the first time, with Rachel's help of course.

"Mr. Schuester?" she asked, raising her hand.

"Yes, Shelby?" he answered.

"I know that the ballad assignment from last week was kind of put off, but I still have something that I'd like to share, if that's alright?" she was slightly hesitant, but overall confident that she could pull this off. Mr. Schuester seemed pleasantly surprised by her request and agreed.

"Sure, Shelby, show us what you've got," he said eagerly.

"Okay," she said, grabbing a couple of stools so that she could sit during the performance. Her ankle felt better, but she still had it wrapped firmly in an Ace bandage. "Rachel?" she signaled to the other girl, who joined her. "Although the song was my idea, Rachel has agreed to lend me her wonderful voice in harmony as well as an iota of her confidence and stage presence." She smiled at Rachel knowing that it was both a compliment and a light joke to diffuse her nervousness. Shelby would start the song alone and Rachel would come in at the first verse. It was time to start.

_If I die young, bury me in satin._

_Lay me down on a bed of roses._

_Sink me in the river at dawn._

_Send me away with the words of a love song._

_Uh-oh, uh-oh._

Rachel's harmony was soft and subtle. Only a third above the melody, it gave the song an even sadder tone. It was as if someone was listening to the melody and adding their sadness to the narrator's.

_Lord make me a rainbow, _

_I'll shine down on my mother._

_She'll know I'm safe with you _

_when she stands under my colors, oh and_

_Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no._

_Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby._

_The sharp knife of a short life,_

_Oh well,_

_I've had just enough time._

At the chorus, Rachel changed to the alto harmony. The lower part pulled at the heartstrings of the room even more.

_If I die young, bury me in satin._

_Lay me down on a bed of roses._

_Sink me in the river at dawn._

_Send me away with the words of a love song._

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had, just enough time._

For the second verse, the girls had decided to stagger the harmony every other phrase or so. Rachel wanted Shelby to have more solo time since it was her song, after all. Shelby had been extremely humbled by her willingness to share the spotlight.

_And I'll be wearing white, _

_when I come into your kingdom._

_I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've_

_Never known the lovin' of a man_

_But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand. There's a_

_Boy here in town who says he'll love me forever._

_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_

_The sharp knife of a short life? Well,_

_I've had, just enough time._

Shelby let her voice gracefully over the high notes. It was tricky to hit them softly while remaining on pitch, but her practice had paid off. Rachel had incredible control over her voice and had taught Shelby do the same. She still needed some practice, but Shelby was just glad that she was able to pull through today.

_So put on your best boys,_

_And I'll wear my pearls._

_What I never did is done._

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no._

_I'll sell them for a dollar._

_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner. _

_And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'._

_Funny when you're dead how people start list-nin'._

The last verse was in unison save the last line. The following chorus was back to the harmony that was a third interval higher than the melody.

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_Uh oh (uh, oh)_

_The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)_

_Go with peace and love_

_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket_

_Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh_

Shelby had to smile a bit at that line as there were many of the listening students had gone teary-eyed. Actually, she didn't think there was anyone left not crying. Some were just trying to hide it more than others.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had, just enough time._

At the last line, the two performers gestured to the guys in room, and then looked at each other with a smile.

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_.

Everyone stopped wiping their eyes and clapped for them. Mr. Schuester was the first to speak. "Well done, girls. That was beautiful. I'm proud of what you put together. Maybe we can win sectionals if we move the judges to tears," he half-joked. There were a few laughs from the group. "Congratulations on your first big performance Shelby, and thank you Rachel for helping her. The two of you worked well together. I could tell this was extremely personal for you," he said to Shelby.

"It was," she admitted. "But I do want to make one thing clear. I am _not_ dying. My situation just makes think, you know, what if?" she shrugged. There was only silence and tears from the group. Then Quinn spoke up.

"Shelby, that was really beautiful," she said earnestly. Her make-up was running down her face. She obviously had not worn waterproof mascara that day. "But next time you sing for us, could you do us a favor?"

"Sure," Shelby replied, unsure of what her request could be.

"Bring tissues," said the other girl seriously. The rest of the room laughed in agreement.


	9. Chapter 9 True Colors

**A/N: Whoa, so I just realized how long it's been since I updated and oops! It's been way longer than I intended, sorry! Finals, graduation, and moving back home from college kind of took over. Plus I made some additions to this chapter that weren't in my original draft, and I wanted to make sure they worked. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, I'd have a way to pay my way through grad school. **

Chapter 9: True Colors

This weekend had been another treatment weekend for Shelby. Every two weeks, she went in for another. The doctor kept her on a strict schedule so that the chemotherapy would work most effectively. In a way, it was convenient to know when she would have to miss school and Glee rehearsals so she could plan accordingly. On the other hand, her body's response to the treatment varied a little each time. She never quite knew how well she would be able to function, so in that sense it was difficult to plan ahead. This time around, she really wished she could have known in advance how severe her fatigue was going to be. She was in no shape to attend class or rehearsal on Friday since she had received her treatment a day early due to scheduling conflicts at the hospital, but she did need to pick up her homework after school. Since she was already there, she figured she would drop by and see the New Directions even if she was unable to stay and rehearse.

As she approached the choir room, she stepped on something squishy outside the door. Confused, she picked it up. It was a wig that looked as if it was part of a hippie costume. Puzzled, she went approached the door and looked through the glass to see what the glee club was doing. They were all shaking their hair around like a bunch of head-bangers at a heavy metal concert. The guys were all wearing various wigs, so that they could shake it too. There was a box with a few extra wigs in it sitting on the ground by the piano. Shelby looked at the one in her hand, and felt her eyes fill with tears. Rachel had said something about "hairography" after seeing the girls from Jane Addams perform yesterday. This must have been what she meant: using hair to "enhance" their choreography. Just when Shelby thought she had adjusted to wearing a scarf or hat every day, this came up and resurfaced all of the old pain of losing her hair. She had not wanted to cut her long hair, but she knew she couldn't bear to see it all fall out. Losing the rest had not been particularly difficult, she was not attached to what was left, but she still longed to have her long hair back. She squeezed the wig she was holding in frustration and then let it fall to the floor again. She left the building without a word to anyone.

"Shelby, sweetie, what's wrong?" her mother asked when she came home, clearly in distress.

"I don't want to talk about it, Mom!" Shelby cried and headed straight for her bedroom. She was more frustrated now than anything. It was just hair; it would grow back. She could not figure out why she was so upset over it. The more she thought however, she began to realize this was about more than just hair. The New Directions were too talented to rely on cheap gimmicks to win. Adding "hairography" was not improving their performance, and it was hiding the uniqueness of the group. Their strength was inside their heads, not on it.

_I dare you to move; I dare you to move._

_I dare you to lift yourself off of the floor._

Suddenly, her phone rang. She answered it.

"Shelby?" It was Rachel's voice on the other end. "I saw what happened today."

"You … You did?" she said, trying to keep her voice from cracking.

"I am so sorry. I've been trying to tell Mr. Schue all week that we don't need this. We don't need to use these showy tactics to win sectionals. We're better than that," said Rachel. That girl sure knew her competition strategy. She would stop at nothing to make her team the best. To do that, she had to play to their strengths and she knew quite well that "hairography" was not one of them. "If you're up for it, I think I have a plan."

"Okay, what is it?" Shelby asked, curious to see what the devious girl was scheming.

"On Monday we're having another scrimmage against Haverbrook School for the Deaf and we're doing our 'Hair' number. You should come after the performance with as an entrance as dramatic as possible, that means crying hysterically if you have to, and explain passionately to everyone that we are way better than doing hairography. It's unfair to our talents as individuals and as a group. But on top of that, you can show them how it's unfair to you. Even if you won't be there to rehearse it or perform it, it's still completely insensitive," she explained fervently.

"You're right, and I like your plan," agreed Shelby. "See you on Monday."

"Ditto," said Rachel.

Shelby stood outside the door and watched the New Directions' performance of their "Hair" mash-up. It was quite terrifying to watch. She couldn't blame the students from the rival group for looking quite taken aback at the routine. Their group was to perform next. Shelby wondered how a deaf choir would work, and she was about to find out. At first, she was unable to recognize the song, but as soon as she saw/heard the words "_Imagine all the people_" she knew it instantly. It was a great song choice for a choir of kids who were deaf. The song told a story and conveyed a powerful message. Their performance was filled with raw emotion. Slowly, the New Directions began to feel their message too. They started to join the rival group in song, the latter teaching the former to sign the lyrics. Shelby didn't want to wait until the end of the performance to come in. One, she wanted to join in, and two, she could see that they were already learning their lesson. Eyes followed her as she entered and joined the others on the risers. She could see a few looks of guilt upon seeing her, but they would wait until the song was finished to say anything. The magic of music was in the room once again. It could make them feel emotions as they had never been felt before. Mr. Schuester was brought close to tears by how much he had been moved. This was why he had started the glee club, and it was time to get back to their roots.

After they said farewell to the rival choir, all eyes turned to Shelby. They were all thinking the same thing now: had she seen their "Hair" routine and if so, what would she say?

"Shelby, I…" started Mr. Schuester, trying to find the right words, "How long have you been watching?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Santana asked bluntly. "She's known what we've been doing the whole time. It doesn't take a genius to figure out she saw the wigs and flipped her lid when we didn't even bother to ask her about it. Right?" she asked Shelby simply.

Shelby supposed there was no use it hiding it, and she felt her eyes watering. _Crap_, she thought, _I wasn't going to cry_. But it was inevitable now. "Yeah, I…I found a wig on the floor last week."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Mr. Schuester asked.

"What was there to say?" Shelby retorted. "I would have said the exact same thing Rachel did, and you didn't listen to her either. But if you're talking about why is upsets me personally so much, I don't know what to say about it. I don't want to put on a wig and pretend to be someone I'm not. I miss _my_ hair. I miss _my hair_! Okay? There. I said it." From there she sat in the nearest chair, buried her face in her hands, and collapsed into sobs. She felt two people sit down next her and each put an arm over her shoulders. One was Mercedes, she knew, but the other was Rachel. The self-proclaimed star had seemed quite distracted the last few days, but it felt good to know that she and Shelby could become friends. For that, she let the tears stop. Crying was too tiring anyway. She didn't need to waste energy on it.

"You realize this is your fault," Santana told their director. Shelby looked at her expectantly. The feisty Cheerio was rather suddenly coming to her defense, but she couldn't pinpoint exactly why. "Just because she's gone a few days doesn't mean we should forget about her and do a hair-heavy number behind her back. I can't believe you of all people would be so insensitive."

"Santana, just last week you announced you were having a party on Friday night to the whole room, which Shelby obviously wouldn't be able to make it to," he pointed out.

"That was just me bragging about having the house to myself. There was no actual party and even if there was, I wouldn't invite half the people in this room. Actually, probably most of the people in this room. No offense," she stated.

"What about the time you said you knew someone who actually died of cancer?" Artie added.

"And the time you were complaining loudly about how long it takes to do your hair every morning?" said Quinn.

"What about when you got a 24-hour flu bug, missed one day of school, and then whined about how much you hate being sick?" added Finn.

"Fine, I get your point," said Santana before they could identify any more. "My moral compass doesn't point due north. But I was well aware that she was in the room when I said all of those things. I don't treat her any different just because she's got cancer. I say things like that to everyone. Sure, I may not be the nicest person around, but I have never once been insensitive towards her or said anything behind her back that I wouldn't say to her face. Maybe you all could learn from that." Her methods were certainly effective. The whole room was silenced.

"I'm so sorry, Shelby," Mr. Schuester apologized. "I didn't even think about how this would affect you. Santana's right, this whole mess is my fault. We don't need all of this extra stuff to be good, and first thing tomorrow we're going to change all of that."

"I know you didn't mean it to be hurtful. You only ever want what is best for us. At least we know what that is now," Shelby replied, trying to find meaning in the difficult last few days that had passed.

The next day, no choreography was involved at all. They just sat on stools and sang their hearts out. "True Colors" was one of their best numbers yet, in Shelby's opinion. A lot had happened that she wasn't quite aware of yet, but she would figure it out when her brain stopped feeling so heavy. Several people had exchanged odd glances during the song, and several others were staring at someone who had not been staring back. It was too complicated to follow at the moment. Whatever was going on underneath was fueling the performance in a way. After spending so much time together, each person's true colors had begun to show, including Shelby's own. She was slowly becoming more than the quiet girl in the back of the classroom, and even more slowly but equally as surely, she was becoming unafraid to show it.


	10. Chapter 10 Coming Together

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Glee. But if I did, I would totally troll the internet with anonymous fanfics. **

Chapter 10: Coming Together

Quickly approaching was the time of the school year where every club was getting ready to be documented in its ink-and-paper-glory, the school yearbook. At first, the members of New Directions were excited to show their success as a club. That was until Kurt had done some research in the library. It turned out that the glee club always had its photo defaced by the popular kids. The young singers then decided that it would be best for them not to have a photo at all. Principle Figgins had discontinued the glee club photo because of the repeated vandalism, so as long as they didn't fight his ruling, they would not have to face the humiliation.

Mr. Schuester had other plans. He had been working hard to get the glee club its own photo in the yearbook; he even paid for an advertisement space himself. The kids didn't have the heart to reject his enthusiasm after what he had done in good conscious, so they all nodded and smiled in false agreement. Conveniently for them however, there would only be enough space for a photo of two people, so they would have to elect captains. Rachel eagerly volunteered, so the rest of the club was completely willing to let her take the fall. Shelby felt bad about throwing Rachel under the bus like that, but the young star knew what she was getting into, so Shelby couldn't very well stop her.

As for the second captain, Rachel instantly started attempting to convince other members of the group to step up and join her. All of them had slithered their way out of it until she talked to Finn. He initially resisted, but she was able to convince him to take charge and be a leader. He had to admit that he was a leader, and if anyone should be the one to take the other captain position, he should. It was his joining the club that had gotten it off of its feet and recruited other members from the football team and cheerleading squad.

His confidence was crippled however, when he was confronted by some of his teammates about defacing the photo. He bailed on Rachel at the photo shoot, leaving her the sole representative of the glee club. Shelby was on the fence of deciding if she should step up and take a place by Rachel's side as co-captain.

"Maybe I should do it," Shelby told the other members before rehearsal. "I mean, what are they going to do to me? Draw some hair on my head?" She smiled to let the others know it was joke, at which they all laughed. This would be her new way of coping with her hair loss: humor. "So what's it going to be? We should take bets. Any takers?"

"Dibs on Mohawk," called Puck.

"Naw, dude. It'll be an afro," supplied Finn.

"You're both wrong," said Artie, "It'll totally be dreadlocks."

"You amateurs obviously don't know your yearbook defacement," said Kurt. He gave Shelby a surveying sort of look, then smirked and said, "Mullet." The room lost it. None of them could erase the mental picture of Shelby's photo in the yearbook with a Sharpie mullet drawn on it. She gave Kurt a high-five for his victory and said "Awesome guess, Kurt, but I doubt the jocks have that much artistic talent."

Just then, Rachel walked in looking surprisingly upbeat for someone who had just been stood up. Her excitement became clear when she announced that the glee club had been recruited to appear in a local commercial. The prospect of becoming local celebrities caused the rest of the group to share Rachel's excitement. This was the perfect chance to make a good impression on the school and keep their yearbook photo from being defaced.

Once they were at the commercial shoot, the glee club members completely forgot about the yearbook. They were having a blast jumping around on the mattresses and singing the Val Halen classic appropriately titled "Jump." Shelby found it difficult to use her arms to balance since drastic movements pulled at her port. But with a little practice, she learned to use her legs muscles for support and control so that her arms and chest wouldn't strain against the device in her chest. The mattresses were quite springy and she even dared a flip or two using only the momentum in her legs. She took caution in how much she waved her arms around and how she landed some of her jumps, but she was otherwise able to let loose and have fun. The whole experience served as a great bonding experience for the group, because it had been the most fun they had had together as a group.

Unfortunately, their fun would be short lived. Unbeknownst to them, there was a rule in the competition for sectionals that the club could not be paid for any service as it would negate their amateur status. This would be the end of New Directions. Principle Figgins had long ago given them the ultimatum that if they did not win sectionals, he would disband the club. Now that they couldn't compete, this would be the end. Shelby felt devastated. She no longer knew where she belonged without the glee club. She had just begun to consider its members her friends. They were some of the first real friends that Shelby had ever had. There had to be a way to keep the club going. There just had to be. Luckily, Quinn was way ahead of her.

"You did what?" asked Shelby in disbelief.

"I stood up to Miss Sylvester. I told her that I deserve a place on the quad even though I'm pregnant. It would send the message that appearances don't matter, and it would it make us stronger as a team. That's what I learned in Glee," she said simply.

"And what did she say?" Shelby asked, dumbfounded. She was impressed at the way Quinn had stood up for herself and confronted their former coach.

"She blew me off. You know her, when she wants things her way, she makes sure they happen that way," she said matter-of-factly. "Anyway, it just motivated me to go even bigger this time. You know how the glee club got paid with those mattresses? Well, how many times can you count that we got free stuff like that on the Cheerios? Remember the tickets to Cedar Point? We not only got them for free, we—"

"Sold them for profit!" Shelby exclaimed, suddenly realizing where Quinn was going with this. "Are you going to expose her?"

Quinn shook her head. "Better," she said, "I'm blackmailing her." Shelby's mouth dropped open. "_And_," she added, "I acted like I wanted back on the squad and then turned her down. I don't want to _look_ like I belong, I want to _actually_ belong. In glee club," she finished proudly.

"That's awesome. I totally get what you mean about not wanting to rejoin the Cheerios. The truth is, I don't want to be a part of the Cheerios anymore. I only joined in the first place because I genuinely liked cheerleading. I just put up with the annoying girls on the squad and Miss Sylvester as part of the gig. Now, I hate the message they're sending to this school, and I don't want any part of it. Trying to be part of that photo would have been a lie. My loyalty isn't with them, it never was. My loyalty is with the glee club, my friends. Your friends. I'm so glad that you came to the same conclusion," Shelby told her.

The glee club wasn't disbanded after all as Mr. Schuester had found a loophole in the system. However, he had to sacrifice himself to do it. Since he accepted the mattresses, and not the glee club itself, only he was disqualified from competition. This news was both good and bad. On one hand, the glee club stayed alive at McKinley, but on the other hand, they now had to manage without Mr. Schuester. None of them were sure they could handle it on their own, but they would not go down without a fight. The first thing they had to do was take their yearbook photo as an entire club. Quinn had secured them a full page with her blackmailing scheme, and they were going to take it with pride. Even if it was defaced, which it most likely would be, they would hold their heads high. They were strong as a group, and they were determined to prove it.


	11. Chapter 11 Sectionals

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Glee. Or any songs used. This chapter contains borrowed dialogue from the episode "Sectionals" for context only. No infringement intended. **

Chapter 11: Sectionals

That weekend, Shelby found herself on the way to Finn's house where she had been invited to play Rock Band with the guys. She had forgotten to turn on the button lock on her iPod one day that week, so it had gotten bumped and started playing accidently.

"Is that Foreigner I hear?" asked Finn, who had been nearby when it had gone off. He seemed somewhat surprised.

"Yeah," answered Shelby, a little embarrassed, "it's kind of a little known fact that I'm actually way into classic rock." Truth be told, there a lot of things about her that were unknown to most people.

"Really?" he responded, sounding impressed. "That's cool! I didn't think girls liked that sort of thing."

"You can thank my older brother for that. He made sure I knew all the classics when I was little," Shelby remembered fondly.

"That's awesome! Hey, the guys and I are getting together to play Rock Band this weekend, do you want to come?" he invited.

"I am so in!" Shelby said excitedly.

"What about your brother? Does he want to come too?" he suggested.

"He can't," she said after a moment's hesitation, her face slightly fallen.

"Oh, well, see you Saturday then," he said.

_I'm hot blooded, check it and see._

_Got a fever of a hundred and three._

_Come on, baby, do you do more than dance?_

_I'm hot blooded! I'm hot blooded!_

He sang as he walked away.

So here she was, at the front door of the Hudson residence. His mother answered the door.

"You must be Shelby," she greeted. "The boys are in the basement."

"Thanks, Mrs. Hudson," Shelby said.

"Please, Carole," she insisted.

Shelby found her way to the basement where the boys were setting up the equipment and moving furniture aside to create more open space.

"Hey, Shelby," Finn greeted as she walked in. "Perfect timing, we're about to get started." He turned on the gaming console and took a seat behind the electronic drum set. Artie and Puck picked up the guitars.

"You take the mike," he said, handing it to her.

"Are you sure?" she asked. They were all members of the glee club, after all.

"We'll switch off every now and then, so Matt and Mike can have a turn, but this is good for now." The other nodded in agreement.

"What songs are we doing?" asked Puck.

"Let's each pick one," said Artie. "When all those are done, we can trade instruments."

"Sounds good," said Finn. "I pick 'The Middle.'"

"Good, I know that one," said Shelby, seeing many songs that she didn't know as he scrolled through the list.

"Don't worry about that. There are plenty of downloaded songs on here that I added. Plus a few custom ones that may or may not have been obtained less than legitimately," said Puck. Shelby gave him a suspicious look.

"Why?" she asked slowly.

"Let's just say I know some people who know how to bend the rules a bit," he responded. Shelby's expression remained unchanged. "Fine, I have this dweeb hack the Network for me once in a while and in exchange, I don't beat him up."

"Except for that time—" Artie began.

"Shhhhh," said Puck, cutting him off. "He had it coming."

"Guys, it's starting," warned Finn, effectively ending the conversation. They all snapped to attention and faced the screen. Puck started off on the guitar intro, then Shelby came in.

_Hey, don't write yourself off yet._

_It's only in your head to feel left out_

_Or looked down on._

_Just try your best;_

_Try everything you can._

_And don't you worry what they tell themselves_

_When you're away._

They all hit the chorus going strong. So far, so good.

_It just takes some time,_

_Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride._

_Everything, everything will be just fine._

_Everything, everything will be alright, alright._

Slowly, Shelby began to realize that Finn might have picked the song especially for her. Or more specifically, _about_ her.

_Hey, you know they're all the same._

_You know you're doin' better on your own. (On your own)_

_So don't buy it._

_Live right now; just be yourself._

_It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else. _

The second chorus was even stronger than the first. It was fun playing with the glee club members as they would occasionally start singing as well and even add some harmony. Artie and Puck tore up the guitar solo and Finn kept drums steady. It helped that all them had experience with real instruments.

_Hey, don't write yourself off yet._

_It's only in your head to feel left out. (feel left out)_

_Just do your best. (Just do your best)_

_Do everything you can. (do everything you can)_

_Don't you worry what the bitter hearts (bitter hearts)_

_Are gonna say._

Yep, Finn definitely picked the song for her. He kept trying to catch her eye to give her an encouraging smile. _Way to be obvious_, she thought, but she couldn't help feeling pleased with his protective antics.

_It just takes some time,_

_Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride._

_Everything, everything will be just fine._

_Everything, everything will be alright, alright._

The final chorus had everyone singing along with Shelby. It was pretty impressive that they could sing and play simultaneously. Finn gave her a knowing smile, and she was sure that his choice in song had not been a coincidence.

_It just takes some time,_

_Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride._

_Everything, everything will be just fine._

_Everything, everything will be alright!_

"You Rock!" the game told them on the screen as they saw their final score, which of course was a new record given their spectacular performance.

"You rocked that one pretty good," Puck said to Shelby, "but do you think you can handle 'Bad Medicine?'"

"Is that some kind of sick joke?" Shelby asked in mocked offense.

"You decide," he responded, raising an eyebrow.

Shelby wasn't as familiar with this song, but she held her own all the same. She loved Bon Jovi as much as anyone who had grown up with the group. Artie chose another classic, but by Fleetwood Mac. "Don't Stop" was one of Shelby's favorites, so she helped the guys earn another high score. Then, it was her turn to choose a song. She did not have to scroll very far down the list before one jumped out at her.

"That one," she said firmly.

"Aw, good choice!" agreed Finn. He selected it, and Shelby prepared to come in right away. There was no intro to this song.

_Carry on my wayward son._

_There'll be peace when you are done._

_Lay your weary head to rest._

_Don't you cry no more. _

The guys took over and rocked out the next few bars as the song got into full swing.

_Once I rose above the noise and confusion_

_Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion._

_I was soaring ever higher,_

_But I flew too high._

_Though my eyes could see, I still was a blind man,_

_Though my mind could think, I still was a mad man._

_I hear the voices when I'm breathing._

_I can hear them say:_

The boys once again lent her their voices, enjoying her choice of song immensely.

_Carry on my wayward son._

_There'll be peace when you are done._

_Lay your weary head to rest._

_Don't you cry no more._

_Masquerading as a man with a reason,_

_My charade is the event of the season._

_And if I claim to be a wise man,_

_It surely means that I don't know._

_On the stormy sea of moving emotion,_

_Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean._

_I set a course for winds of fortune,_

_But I hear the voices say:_

Shelby had always enjoyed the stunning lyrics of the song, but now she almost felt as if she could hear the voices of which the song spoke. The song was definitely relevant to her life at the moment.

_Carry on my wayward son._

_There'll be peace when you are done. _

_Lay your weary head to rest._

_Don't you cry no more._

The boys fed off her energy and powered through the next part of the song that contained no vocals. Shelby came back in for the final verse.

_Carry on, you will always remember._

_Carry on, nothing equals the splendor._

_Now your life's no longer empty,_

_Surely heaven waits for you._

_Carry on my wayward son._

_There'll be peace when you are done._

_Lay your weary head to rest. _

_Don't you cry (don't you cry) no more!_

As the song was finished, they all exchanged high-fives. It was their best song yet.

"Alright, time to switch it up," said Finn. "Shelby, you want to try your hand at guitar?"

"Sure, I guess," she answered, only slightly hesitant.

"Then let's have Matt take the other one, Mike, you take the drums, and I'll sing. That cool?" he asked the group. No one objected. "Matt, pick a song."

"Paralyzer," he chose. _Interesting_, thought Shelby. She did not know much about the boy, as he was probably the only one who spoke fewer words than herself in the glee club, but she hadn't thought of him as a Finger Eleven fan. Playing the guitar was tricky, but Shelby managed well enough. The song was not too challenging, and she was only on the medium difficulty level.

"You're pretty good, Shelby," noted Artie. "Do you play any real guitar?"

"Just the very basics," she answered truthfully. She had learned a few chords and techniques from various music lessons, but she was nowhere near skilled enough to play a whole song. "My experience in video games is helping me more than anything, honestly."

"You play?" Puck asked, dumbfounded.

"Mostly puzzle type games, but I've been known to pick up the occasional adventure or platform," she admitted. The guys looked stunned at what she had said. They probably did not know many girls who played video games, and even fewer who would actually admit to it. Finn was the first to regain logical thought.

"Mike, your pick," he said.

"'Under Pressure,'" he selected. With a good rhythm like that, he could probably try to pull off some freestyle dancing from behind the drums. If his playing slacked slightly the others could make up for it.

Finn let Shelby choose the next song. She smiled as found the one Finn had caught her iPod playing earlier that week. "Hot Blooded" it was. There was no hidden meaning was in the song for her this time; this was just for fun. Finn smiled playfully at her, realizing that she had picked the song on purpose. She merely shrugged in response, but gave him a playful smile back.

Finn chose the last song. Going with the theme that they were going to have as much fun as possible, he selected "Renegade" as his choice. There was an uproar of excitement from the room. The song was perfect for rocking out having a great time.

"Awesome choice," said Shelby, "but I want the base guitar part on this song."

"Fair enough," he agreed, knowing that this song had a particularly difficult guitar part. "And I want drums again. Mike, switch?"

"Sure, but why doesn't Puck sing instead? I'll do back-up dance," said Mike.

Everyone switched instruments as Finn switched the game's settings and pressed "play song" to begin. Puck began the quiet solo:

_Oh, mama, I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law._

_Lawman has put an end to my runnin' and I'm so far from my home._

Shelby and the others added the back-up harmony to accompany him. Their time together in New Directions was showing now.

_Oh, mama, I can hear you a-cryin' you're so scared and all alone._

_Hangman is comin' down from the gallows and I don't have very long. _

The instruments came in at the next part, so Puck took the melody alone.

_The jig is up; the news is out,_

_They finally found me._

_The renegade who had it made_

_Retrieved for a bounty._

_Nevermore to go astray, _

_This will be the end today_

_Of the wanted man._

The group was enjoying Finn's choice of song immensely. Even Artie and Mike were getting into it, despite it being their turn to sit out. Mike was starting to add choreography, as promised, with his quick, rhythmic steps keeping time with the music.

_Whoa, mama, I've years on the lam_

_And a high price on my head._

_Lawman said get him dead or alive,_

_Now it's sure he'll see me dead._

_Dear mama, I can hear you a-cryin'_

_You're so scared and all alone._

_Hangman is coming down from the gallows _

_And I don't have very long. _

Everyone joined in the next chorus. They were having too much fun not to sing along. Tugging steadily along on the base line, Shelby found it quite easy to play and sing at the same time.

_The jig is up; the news is out,_

_They finally found me._

_The renegade who had it made_

_Retrieved for a bounty._

_Nevermore to go astray,_

_The judge will have revenge today_

_On the wanted man._

Matt took on the guitar solo and handled it quite well. Finn held his own on the drums as well, tapping his feet as he played. The others pretended to be at a rock concert and cheered them on. When it was time to sing again, everyone joined in to add numerous harmonies with Shelby's high treble floating above the rest. Finn kept a steady beat on the drums while the others clapped along.

_Oh, mama, I'm in fear for my life _

_From the long arm of the law._

_Hangman is coming down from the gallows _

_And I don't have very long._

_The jig is up; the news is out,_

_They finally found me. _

_The renegade who had it made_

_Retrieved for a bounty. _

_Nevermore to go astray,_

_This will be the end today _

_Of the wanted man. _

_The wanted man…_

_And I don't wanna go… oh no…_

_Don't let 'em take me…_

They finished off the faded ending and celebrated what was probably the best time they had ever had playing Rock Band.

"That was beyond epic!" Shelby exclaimed as the group exchanged high fives and fist pumps.

"There's no way we could top that!" agreed Finn. "Should we call it a day?" No one answered at first. They were all ready to quit playing, but not quite ready to say goodbye for the day. Sensing their thoughts, he proposed "How about we go out for pizza?" There was an outburst of enthusiastic agreement. Teenage boys always seemed to be hungry, even if it happened to be the middle of the afternoon.

"You're coming too, right Shelby?" Artie asked eagerly. She was pleased that the guys enjoyed her company, so she decided that she would join them.

"Yeah, I'll come," she told him.

"Good," said a voice, but it had not been Artie's. It was Finn who had answered. He liked that she was becoming more sociable. She really was a great person to be around when she opened up enough to be herself. He could not figure out why she was so sheltered in the first place. She seemed to be comfortable with herself. Why then, did she feel the need to keep herself so sheltered?

The following week was a crazy one. Shelby had a treatment scheduled for Wednesday and sectionals were on Saturday. From the beginning, she had been afraid this would happen. Two or three days after treatment was when the fatigue began to hit her hard, so it was extremely unlikely that she would be well enough to perform at sectionals. She warned the group of this, quite tearfully, ahead of time and they assured her that they could handle competition without her. However, they would miss her terribly and not only as a fellow performer. She was their friend, and they hated seeing her so worn down.

The big day came around, and sure enough, Shelby was too fatigued to even think about performing to extravagant musical numbers. Between "Proud Mary" in wheelchairs, detailed choreography in "Don't Stop Believin,'" and the challenging vocals of "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going," she would be in way over her head, using more energy than she could possibly compensate for with caffeine. It was only reasonable that she was very confused when she received a frantic call from the glee club asking her to join them at sectionals.

It turned out that Finn had discovered that he was not, in fact, the father of Quinn's baby. Even more upsetting to him was that Quinn has cheated on him with his best friend, Puck, who was the real father. Mercedes had known this information for some time and shared it with the rest of the group, save Finn, obviously, and Rachel, who might tell him, making him unfortunately the last to know. After engaging in a fistfight with Puck, he promptly quit the club, leaving them one member short of qualifying for sectionals.

"But I'll be basically useless," Shelby protested.

"That's okay!"said Mercedes. "You can literally sit or sway in the back and we'll do everything else."

"Really?" she wondered. "Talk about a convenient loophole. That sounds great, actually."

"Awesome! We just need you to be here. If nothing else, we need your moral support," she said, relieved.

"You always have that," replied Shelby simply, and she hung up. Mercedes knew that, of course, but it felt good to hear it and let Shelby know how much they cared about her. Shelby had been nothing less than completely supportive, including bowing with her arms during Mercedes' performance of "And I'm Telling You." Even going through as much as she was, she was a mountain of support for the group, just as they were to her. She would do anything to be there for her.

"Brendon?" Shelby asked over the phone. "You said I could ask you if I needed a favor, right?"

"Yeah, anything," he answered.

"Can I take you up on that offer?" she asked. She needed a ride to McKinley, and she needed to get there quickly. He did not live very far from her, so sure enough; it was only a matter of minutes until he came to pick her up.

"Thanks," she said gratefully once she was in the passenger's seat. "I would drive myself, but I'm really in no condition for that today."

"No problem," he replied, "but if you're not well enough to drive, why are you still going to Sectionals?"

"Because the team needs me. There's been a lot of drama this week, so if I don't show up, they'll be disqualified for not having enough members. We've worked too hard to come this far and not be able to compete. I don't have to do much; I won't strain myself. I just have to be there so we can compete," she explained, her voice very determined. Brendon gave her an admiring look before turning his head to keep his eyes on the road. She must care about those kids an awful lot to be there for them despite her obvious fatigue. Her eyes looked heavy and distant, and her normally erect posture was much more slumped.

"Do you always feel like this? After your treatment?" he wondered.

"It varies," she replied, "but it's pretty bad this time, I'll admit."

She fell silent for a few minutes, and then he asked, "What's on your mind?" He tended to do that whenever she remained quiet for a significant amount of time. It got her to talk about what was on her mind, but mainly, it just got her talking. She often did not intend to avoid talking; it was just that she had a tendency to become lost in thought. Brendon noticed this pattern and became the one who knew how to break her out of it.

"Oh, just, you know… everything," she said, chuckling slightly. Brendon smiled back at her. "I'm thinking about Sectionals, all the drama that's happened this week, heck, this year, and how muddled all of my thoughts are at the moment."

"How so?" he asked, unsure of what she had meant.

"The best way I can describe it is like a fog. I can still think, it just feels slow and heavy," she explained to the best of her ability.

"Is is always like that?" he asked, slightly concerned.

"Only for about four or five days after treatment, and some days are worse than others, but yeah, it does happen after each treatment," she answered truthfully.

"Wow," was his only response. She wasn't sure if he sounded stunned, impressed, worried, or all three. "Good, we're here." he said as he pulled up beside the bus.

Shelby quickly got up out of the car, perhaps too quickly as she experienced a head rush and stumbled slightly. Brendon rushed over and took her by one of her elbows. "I'm okay, really," she assured him, "I just stood up too fast, that's all." He didn't look entirely convinced as he led her to the bus, so he insisted on still supporting her at the elbow, even though it was probably an unnecessary precaution. Mercedes came off the bus to meet them.

"Hey, Mercedes," said Brendon.

"Hey, Brendon. Thanks for bringing her. Are you alright, girl?" she asked Shelby, looking concerned.

"I will be," Shelby replied.

"Take care of her, okay? I'm not so sure she knows her bodily limits," Brendon told Mercedes, finally releasing Shelby's arm.

"Trust me, I know," Mercedes said to him, recalling the time that Shelby had almost fainted after trying to hit a high F. "I'll keep an eye on her, I promise."

"Hey, I'm right here," Shelby pointed out.

"We know," the other two said in unison. Shelby slowly became suspicious that her friends had made some kind of care-giving pact behind her back.

Shelby slept during the whole bus ride to sectionals and still felt just as tired as when she had left McKinley. There still had been no word from Finn, leaving the group morale quite low. With some encouragement from Rachel and Miss Pillsbury, their stand-in faculty advisor, they managed to keep a positive attitude.

It was short-lived however, when they saw the rival groups perform their exact set list. It must have been leaked, and it was no secret as to whom it might have done it. However, getting upset would not get them anywhere now, especially since they had approximately an hour to come up with three new musical numbers. The task was monumental in size, and it had the whole group feeling completely discouraged. Shelby would have attempted to motivate the group herself, but her brain felt so foggy and heavy she could barely speak coherently. She did not possess the charisma that would inspire the group. They needed a real leader. They needed Finn. Miss Pillsbury made a call to Mr. Schuester to explain the situation, but the group was quickly losing any remaining faith in themselves.

Tension was escalating in the greenroom as they also began losing unity.

"You leaked the set list," Kurt accused Brittany and Santana. "You don't want to be here. You're just Sue Sylvester's little moles."

"I know for a fact that's true," added Quinn with her changing allegiance. "Sue asked us to spy for her."

Santana scoffed. "We may still be Cheerios, but neither of us gave Sue the set list."

"Well, I did, but I didn't know what she was going to do with it," said Brittany. The others were frustrated with her, but knew that she was probably innocent enough that she truly did not know. They said nothing.

"Okay, look," continued Santana. "Believe what you want, but no one's forcing me to be here. If you ever tell anyone this, I'll deny it, but I like being in glee club," she admitted. "It's the best part of my day, okay? I wasn't going to go and mess it up." The New Directions members appreciated her words. It was good to know she did have a heart despite acting cool and tough most of the time.

"I believe you," Rachel told her. She turned to group. "Okay, look, there's no point in us arguing anymore. We have to go on in an hour."

"And we have no songs," said Tina bluntly.

"I could improvise some of my deaf poetry jams," suggested Artie.

"No, look, we're going to do this the right way," insisted Rachel. "Let's start with a ballad. Mercedes, do you have anything else in your repertoire?"

"Yeah, but it's not as good as anything you're gonna sing," she admitted.

"No, look, we agreed—" Rachel started.

"We agreed I would sing 'And I'm Telling You,'" Mercedes interrupted, "and that ain't happening. Look ,Rachel, the truth is you're the best singer we've got."

"As much as it hurts me to admit it," added Kurt, "and it does, she's right. Rachel's our star. If anyone's going to belt it on the fly, it should be her." Mercedes nodded in agreement. It may be true that Rachel was the one who spent the most time in the spotlight, but the rest of the group had to admit that she was talented enough to be there. She had more experience than most of them combined. None of them were prepared to sing anything worthy of winning them sectionals at the last minute like this. Rachel on the other hand, probably had an entire music library devoted to such an occasion.

"I want to try something I've been working on since I was four," said Rachel, coming to terms with their agreement.

"Then I guess we have our ballad," said Quinn, "and we can close with 'Somebody to Love.' It's a real crowd pleaser."

"Yeah, that and a can of soup will guarantee us third place," said Puck bluntly. "We still need another song we can all sing together."

At that moment, Finn walked in the room. At first, Shelby almost didn't notice as she was busy attempting to shuffle through song ideas in her head. The brain fog made this extremely difficult, and it wasn't helping that for some unknown reason she couldn't seem to get ABBA's "Super Trouper" out of her head. She knew that would never work.

"I have one," he said, holding up some sheet music. "Found the sheet music online, used the Cheerios copier to make copies, then I trashed the thing." _Illegal copying and vandalism, not bad_, Shelby silently approved. "Mike? Brittany? Santana?" Finn continued. "You're the best dancers. Figure something out and we'll all follow your lead."

"It's gonna be choppy," Mike warned.

"Good," Finn replied, "we're best when we're loose. Look, all we have going for us is we believe in ourselves and what we're singing about. If we can show the judges that, we might have a shot at this thing. Alright?" The group was inspired by his pep talk and smiled at him. Shelby was glad that he was able to put aside what had happened temporarily for the benefit of the group. And not only for the sake of sparing her from performing under her current physical state.

Rachel spoke for all of them when she said, "It's good to have you back, Finn."

He shared a smile with her before turning to Shelby. "Shelby, you're off the hook. Go take a seat in the audience with Miss Pillsbury. I promise I won't be offended if you fall asleep."

"Thank you," she said gratefully. He had probably seen the dazed look on her face. "But I don't think I will fall asleep. You guys are more important. If I can't be up there with you, I'll be the one cheering the loudest." She got up to leave and gave Finn a hug on the way out. "Break some legs, everyone."

"Be careful what you wish for," Kurt in a semi-serious tone. "It just might happen." Several people laughed at the possible irony, including Shelby as she left. _They'll be fine_, she thought. _No, better than fine. They can win this_. She had complete faith in them.

Sure enough, Rachel owned her solo, "Don't Rain On My Parade." She looked over at Shelby several times, catching her eye, and each time Shelby gave her a huge, proud smile. Once again, Shelby began expanding her list of things she would do to be able to belt like that. Giving up chocolate for a year seemed like a reasonable trade. When the opening number was finished, Shelby was one of the first standing up and cheered as loudly as she could. She received a subtle warning look with a crooked eyebrow from Mercedes telling her to be careful not to get lightheaded again. She sat back down and listened to the second impromptu number that they had come up with, "You Can't Always Get What You Want." _How appropriate_, she thought bitterly. From her seat in the middle of it, she could see that the audience really enjoyed it. Perhaps they still had a shot at winning after all.

The director of the Jane Addams' girls must have thought so too, as she was about to tell the judges that her group didn't deserve to win. Before she could say anything however, the judges said their decision had been reached. The New Directions exchanged nervous glances. At least one of the judges had admitted to liking them. Hopefully, that was a good sign.

It was a good sign indeed, and the New Directions took first place despite all of the drama that had occurred pre-show. The group was thrilled and proud of themselves for pulling it off at the last minute. "I'm thinking of a victory party at my place," said Mercedes. "What say you?"

"I say, can it wait 'til tomorrow?" asked Shelby sleepily, her eyes drooping.

"Sure things, Shells," she said, giving the quiet girl a gentle smile. "I think we all could use some rest after today, but you especially."

"Yeah, I'm getting tired just looking at you," teased Puck. Shelby responded by giving him a light punch to the arm.

"Well, at least you're not tired _of_ looking at me," she retorted. She received some "oooo's" from a few people. Maybe she hadn't completely lost her wit under all of that mental fog.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, trying to provoke a response out of her.

"Whatever you want it to mean," she said simply, leaving him to think about it.

The bus ride back was a fun one, but Shelby slept through most of it. Mercedes had refused to allow her to lean her head against the hard, rattling window and lent her a shoulder instead. Shelby accepted her gesture gratefully and woke up just in time to hear the plan to surprise Mr. Schuester on Monday. They would reveal their enormous trophy and sing "My Life Would Suck Without You." They could rehearse tomorrow at Mercedes' house. For now, Shelby was content to sleep and think about how lucky she was to have these kids as her friends.

Come Monday, Shelby was much more of herself as she felt her heavy fatigue lifted. Mr. Schuester, who was once recently reinstated as faculty advisor of New Directions, was incredibly proud of their work. They had come together as a group and prevailed as a team. They earned their victory fair-and-square. They had done it together. However, Mr. Schuester did point out that they would now have to start worrying about regionals. Before they would start rehearsals for regionals however, the students announced that they had prepared a special number just for their beloved teacher.

The group had a lot of fun with this number since it was not meant to be for competition. The choreography was silly in places, but it fit the song and the mood it created in the room. Shelby had fun tossing around the ends of her scarf like the other girls did their hair. It wasn't the same, she knew, but it was close enough for now. This particular scarf was long enough to tie into a bun, while still covering her entire head and leaving the tails long enough to be tossed around. It also happened to be her favorite color, a deep, royal blue. It was amazing how a little fashion could impact her attitude about her condition. She supposed she had Kurt to thank for that advice. Even her vocals were better than usual when she was confident and enjoying herself. Mr. Schuester noticed this effect on the entire group, and that was his motivation to keep this club alive, no matter what the cost.


	12. Chapter 12 Hello Reminds Us of Goodbye

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing. **

Chapter 12: Hello Reminds Us of Goodbye

"What do you guys say when you answer the phone?" Mr. Schuester asked at the next rehearsal.

Shelby couldn't stop herself from blurting out, "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" There was a resounding giggle form the group before a few others shared their answers.

"What up?" said Mercedes.

"Who dis be?" Artie responded.

"No, she's dead. This is her son," said Kurt, annoyed. This received several odd glances from the group and personally, Shelby didn't know whether to laugh or cry and give him a hug. Mr. Schuester simply continued by explaining that their newest assignment would be to find a sing with "Hello" in the title. Shelby was able to name several that fit the theme right away, and could not wait to get started on preparing a few.

She found she was not the only one who was eager to start the assignment. Finn had chosen a Doors' song that suited his voice and personality well. However, it somehow seemed to have given him the idea that he needed to reinvent himself. While there may have been some truth to that, he was under the impression that the way to go about reinventing himself was to break things off with Rachel and see other girls. Granted, they had not been officially together, Rachel had just assumed that they were, but that didn't mean that he hadn't been a jerk. Shelby couldn't blame Rachel for being angry at him. Her song choice, "Gives You Hell," accurately reflected her current resentment, but Shelby had to wonder if Mr. Schuester would say something about the song not quite fitting the assignment. However, he was not one to interrupt a performance, so if he had anything to say, he would wait until the end.

When Rachel hit the second chorus, some of the glee club members joined her. The song and her attitude were quite catchy. Shelby harmonized with Mercedes and Tina while Mike showed off a few of his signature dance moves. Nearly the whole club joined in when they hit the chant, and although Mr. Schuester looked deeply annoyed by the situation, he couldn't bring himself to interrupt the fun that the group was having.

The group was gathering in the front of the room, so Shelby went over to the corner where Kurt was sitting to pull him into the mix. He had moved himself over there an out of the way, but Shelby was not about to let him stay there. Most of her life, she had been the one in the corner avoiding social situations, and she was only beginning to realize how much fun she had been missing. She would make sure that would not happen to Kurt. He was an amazing person and did not deserve to hide, forgotten, in the corner. He, much like herself, was beginning to embrace who he was and not be afraid to let it show. Even if the group got a little crazy sometimes, it was good to let loose and have fun. However, there was also a time to serious, as Mr. Schuester pointed out when the song was finished. Vocal Adrenaline as fierce competition, and the New Directions would need all of their focus if they wanted any chance at beating them.

Rachel's focus was certainly on the rival team, or at least their leading man, Jesse St. James. Concern was raised, of course, that he might have ulterior motives for dating her. Several members confronted her about it, but Shelby was unable to bring herself to join them. Although she agreed that there should be concern over Jesse's motives, she could not figure out how to express her concern in a way in which Rachel would not feel offended. It would come off as conceited of them to assume that the only reason a guy could like Rachel was to spy on the competition, even if that was not their intention. Shelby decided that it would be best to talk to Rachel individually.

"Rachel, I know this might come off the wrong way, but I want to talk to you about Jesse," Shelby started.

"I appreciate your concern, Shelby, but the rest of the club has already made the point very clear," said Rachel.

"I know, just hear me out. I don't want to confront you. I just want to talk you," Shelby explained. The fact that Rachel gave no reply was a sure indication that Shelby had permission to keep talking. "Look, Jesse seems like a really nice guy. He's just as ambitious as you are, if not more, and I think you two would be good for each other."

"Thanks, Shelby. We will be really good together, I know it. I mean we could—" Rachel began enthusiastically.

"But! Let me finish," Shelby interrupted. "While Jesse appears genuinely interested in you, Vocal Adrenaline is not above spying on or manipulating their completion. If you don't doubt Jesse, doubt them."

"Jesse's their leader," Rachel protested. "If he truly likes me, and he does, they'll have to accept me."

"But that's the problem," Shelby pointed out. "They could still use you without you or Jesse knowing."

"I thought you weren't here to give me a lecture," said Rachel, annoyed.

"I'm not!" said Shelby, frustrated. "I just want to make sure that while it's good that you have someone who makes you happy, you don't overlook the motives of the competition."

"There's nothing to overlook," Rachel assured her. "Jesse and I are happy, and that's all that matters." Somehow, Shelby had to think that the message had not gotten through to her.

* * *

><p>Shelby was finally at a point in her relationship with the glee club where she felt comfortable inviting them over to her house. She had never brought friends home before, but the group made her feel extremely safe, and she was closer to all of them than she had been to anyone in years. Her parents were pleasantly surprised at her request and gave her use of their sound system in the basement so that the New Directions could practice some numbers for this week's assignment. Not everyone was able to come, but a good few were eager to rehearse a few song options for the assignments as well as meet her family. Her father was at work, but they got to meet her mother and younger brothers.<p>

"Guys, this is my mother, Ruth," Shelby introduced. "Mom, this Artie, Tina, Puck, Quinn, Kurt, and Mercedes."

"Hi, Mrs. Kolton," said greeted the group.

"Hello, everyone," she said with a friendly smile. "I'll be coming and going a lot this afternoon, taking the boys to their various activities, but feel free to help yourself to anything in the refrigerator. It's so nice to finally meet all of you."

"This is only half of them, Mom," said Shelby.

"Well, yes, but even so," her mother responded. "You've never brought any friends home before." Shelby did nothing but stand there awkwardly.

"We'll be in the basement," she said, trying to end the awkward conversation.

"Making out?" her mother asked. _Oh, Mother, not now_, thought Shelby just as she had dared to think it could not get any more uncomfortable. Her mother really needed to stop trying to use the same language that teenagers did.

"_Hanging_ out, Mom," Shelby corrected, her face cringing with even more awkwardness. She could see that her friends were desperately trying not to laugh. She led the way to the basement.

"Kickin' sound system!" said Puck, impressed.

"My dad's pretty into electronics. He always has to have the latest gadgets," Shelby explained as she put her iPod onto the speaker dock. To her horror, the theme song to _Phineas and Ferb_ started playing. "Chase!" she yelled. "Have you been messing with my playlist again?"

"Sorry!" came a small voice from upstairs.

"Never trust a nine-year-old to manage your iTunes playlist," Shelby advised her friends, who were chuckling behind her, as she searched for the song she had meant to play. "Anyone else know Hawk Nelson?"

"I do," said Quinn. "They're pretty cool." Shelby figured as much since the band was a Christian group, and she knew that her parents and Quinn's parents attended the same church.

"Guilty by association," said Puck, referring to his relationship with Quinn, who probably had shared some of her taste in music with him. "You're thinking of 'Hello,' right?" She nodded. "I dig it. Let's do it." Smiling, Shelby hit play and guitar intro started. Puck started singing the first verse.

_You never, ever leave my mind,_

_Oh sweet, sweet Madeline._

_Every time I look into eyes,_

_I feel like I'm alive._

_And I can barely make a sound_

_Whenever you're around. _

_You can find me hiding in the crowd_

_Next time you come to town. _

Shelby and Quinn joined him at the chorus. They sang to the others, teaching them the words so that they could join in later.

_Every time I want to say hello_

_Every time I want to stay, I go._

_Can never find the words to let you know_

_Sometimes you plague my mind a million times._

The chorus repeated itself and the others tried to join in and learn the song too. Shelby sang to Mercedes and Kurt as Quinn and Puck taught Artie and Tina.

_Every time I want to say hello_

_Every time I want to stay, I go._

_Can never find the words to let you know_

_Sometimes you plague my mind a million times._

Puck took over the second verse again, but Shelby and Quinn added occasional harmonies.

_Wish I could somehow let you know_

_That all the way from here to Mexico_

_You're the one and only girl for me._

_He-he tu es un, bonjour, oui oui._

_And my tongue gets tied so quick,_

_I get so nervous I'm feelin' sick._

_I turn into the world's worst Romeo_

_Every time I try to say hello._

The next part was a chant, which the girls also left to Puck. It was more suited to his voice than theirs.

_You're so fine, been on my mind;_

_Get nervous every time I see you hop online!_

This time on the chorus, everyone joined in. It was a fun and catchy song, and they were all enjoying it.

_Every time I want to say hello_

_Every time I want to stay, I go._

_Can never find the words to let you know_

_Sometimes you plague my mind a million times. _

_Every time I want to say hello_

_Every time I want to stay, I go._

_Can never find the words to let you know_

_Sometimes you plague my mind a million times._

The chorus repeated itself again, but quieter this time.

_Every time I want to say hello_

_Every time I want to stay, I go._

_Can never find the words to let you know_

_Sometimes you plague my mind a million times._

Part of the chorus was played on a kazoo at this point of the song. It was too bad she hadn't thought of that ahead of time or she could have borrowed one from her brother, Austin, who was seven. She could have even let him play it. He loved playing the kazoo, especially to this song, where he could play with his older sister, whom he idolized. After the kazoo solo, the chorus came back in full force.

_Every time I want to say hello_

_Every time I want to stay, I go._

_Can never find the words to let you know_

_Sometimes you plague my mind a million times._

The chorus repeated one more time before the song ended. It was rather repetitive, but it was likeable and the group of them was having fun.

_Every time I want to say hello_

_Every time I want to stay, I go._

_Can never find the words to let you know_

_Sometimes you plague my mind a million times._

The song slowed and came to an end. Shelby asked the others what they had thought of it.

"I really liked it," said Artie, "but I don't know if it's Regionals material."

"I think you're right," agreed Shelby. "I love this song, but I don't think it's quite right for us. It doesn't quite suit all of our voices, and it would be nice to have something with more harmony." She went back over to her iPod. "Here's one by a band you may not have heard of, called Sugarbomb."

The intro started and Puck asked, "Was this song in a movie once?"

"I don't know, maybe," Shelby answered. She had never heard it in one, but could have been in a movie that she hadn't seen. Since she didn't have a karaoke track of the song, she would just have to sing along with it. Hopefully the others would like this song. She had a good feeling about this one.

_I feel so peculiar; I don't know what to say._

_But don't let me fool you, I'm not one bit afraid. _

_No way._

_One thing's for sure_

_What I would give to simply open my door_

_and see your smiling face._

Shelby handled the song smoothly, as it was well within her vocal range. She let her mind wander a little and for some reason, the song reminded her of how she felt when her older brother first left for college. Even though that had been years ago, she remembered how she had always expected him to suddenly walk in the front door with a box of chocolates for her and a bag of laundry slung over his back. Sometimes she still felt like that.

_Hello, hello won't you come right in?_

_I'd give anything just to see you again._

_Hello, hello won't you come right in?_

_Step into my world where you know you're everything._

_Everything I need._

Shelby continued the song the next day at rehearsal with the others who had been at her house the previous afternoon. They had enjoyed the song immensely and agreed that they should share it with the rest of the club. Each of them took a different line of the verse, taking turns and sharing the spotlight.

_I'm suddenly hopeful whenever you're in sight, that's right._

_I talk about you all day whisper your name at night, that's right._

_Whatever you need,_

_What I would give if you should ask it of me_

_To make you feel complete._

They all sang together at the chorus, with multiple harmonies happening simultaneously.

_Hello, hello won't you come right in?_

_I'd give anything just to see you again._

_Hello, hello won't you come right in?_

_Step into my world where you know you're everything._

They all paired off, with one group of three, creating echoes out of the next verse.

_I could go on and on and on…_

_Do it again, again, again…_

_Whisper your name, your name, your name…_

_Would you do the same for me?_

Shelby had a very brief solo on the line leading into the final chorus before the others added three harmonies in addition to her melody.

_I feel so peculiar; I don't know what to say._

_Hello, hello won't you come right in?_

_I'd give anything just to see you again._

_Hello, hello won't you come right in?_

_Step into my world where you know you're everything._

In the final lines of the song, Shelby kept the melody with Puck, Quinn, and Tina while the others were on the complementing echoes and harmonies.

_Everything. (Hello, hello)_

_Where you know you're everything._

_Everything. (Hello, hello)_

_I feel so peculiar._

_You know I feel so peculiar._

_You know I feel so strange._

The remainder of the song faded out, and the group received a warm round of applause.

"That was great guys," said Mr. Schuester. "Excellent song choice. For Regionals, though, I think the judges will respond better to a more well-known song. But I love that you're expanding your musical knowledge to songs that aren't as mainstream." Shelby had to agree with him there and took no offense to the fact that her song choice probably wouldn't work for competition. She had fun performing it with her friends, and she was glad that she had introduced them to a new song that they truly enjoyed.

Ultimately, the group's hello-themed number was "Hello, Goodbye" by the Beatles. It was a classic, and they could do no wrong there. In all honesty, Shelby had to admit that it was the first one that had come to her mind when Mr. Schuester initially mentioned the topic, but she decided to try out a few others first. She'd had fun with her other choices, but "Hello, Goodbye" turned out to be brilliant. It had been everything that the New Directions were good at, and could potentially be a strong number for Regionals. Shelby just hoped that she would be able to perform this time at competition and have her family see what she and her fellow glee clubbers worked so hard to put together.


	13. Chapter 13 The Power Within

**AN: Sorry for the delay, but I think I finally recovered from my post-Korra depression. To make it worth it, this chapter marks the return of the notorious Sue Sylvester. Will she finally get some redemption? **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Contains a few borrowed lines from "The Power of Madonna." No infringement intended. **

Chapter 13: The Power Within 

For once, there were only the girls of the glee club sitting in the choir room. Rachel took the opportunity to have a "girl's talk" regarding relationship troubles. She "hypothetically" was being pressured to sleep with the guy she was dating and was wondering how to deal with the situation. Brittany and Santana, to the surprise of no one, advised her to give up the so-called "v-card." Mercedes however, seemed perfectly willing to say no if the situation ever arose. Shelby agreed the latter. If a guy was only sticking around for his own physical pleasure, he was not worthy of her time. Tina also spoke up about her relationship with Artie, who had recently criticized her wardrobe by saying it was lacking in sexual appeal.

It was then that Mr. Schuester interrupted their pity-party, appalled that young girls could be having so much trouble pertaining to boys. He suggested talking to Miss Pillsbury, but she was unfortunately as uncomfortable to talk with as any of their parents would be. Plus, it was not as if any of them had suitable role models from whom to ask advice. The media often portrayed women as sexual icons and although that was not necessarily what all of them strived to be, they felt as though it was their only option. If they did not dress and behave like others expected them to, they would be even more unpopular than they already were given their glee club status, and they had little hope of finding a date. There simply was too much pressure on young girls these days to live up to a certain image, and Mr. Schuester decided to devote the next week to teaching them that they could stand up for themselves and dictated by what their peers wanted them to be.

Shelby was feeling a bit fatigued the following Monday after receiving another treatment on Friday, but she instantly perked up when Mr. Schuester wrote "Madonna" on the whiteboard. _Now she is a role model worth following_, thought Shelby. Madonna was a woman who was strong, independent, and simply unafraid to be herself. She was successful in her career and raising her children. Her music was incredibly influential and remained popular more than 20 years later. The club's assignment this week would be to put together a number of one of her amazing hits. The boys of the group were less than thrilled about this, but Mr. Schuester held his ground in saying that they had not been treating the girls with proper respect. Some agreement came from the room, but Puck still objected, arguing that Madonna's music would not translate to show choir. The girls were not taking any of his foolishness today, and Rachel promptly led them into an impromptu performance of "Express Yourself."

The girls delivered their polished version on Wednesday however, when they added choreography and stylish suits for costuming. Shelby also may have convinced them to wait a couple days until she would feel well enough to participate to the best of her ability. For once, her response to her treatment had been relatively good, so she had most of her usual energy back on Wednesday. Thrilled that she would not have to miss out on the iconic Madonna number, she didn't even care that her metallic violet halter top made a rather public display of the scar and bump of the port on her chest. Today was about embracing herself and being confident, and she was determined not to let cancer ruin it for her. She even found a military-style hat that resembled one Madonna had once worn. It went quite nicely with the classy black suit.

Performing "Express Yourself" used a lot more energy than Shelby had anticipated. She felt herself considerably more fatigued after the performance than she had been before it began. She tried to comfort herself by reminding herself that she only had to be standing up here for a few more minutes, then she could go sit down for a while. The longer she stood, the worse she felt. A yellowish, fuzzy haze began to cloud her vision until it reached the point where she could barely distinguish the auditorium chairs from actual people. She blinked her eyes slowly in attempt to restore her vision, but the odd sensation persisted. Next, she heard a popping noise in her ears and suddenly everything she heard sounded muffled as if her ears had been stuffed with cotton, or perhaps submerged underwater. Someone was talking (Mr. Schuester maybe?), but she couldn't make it out. With her vision and hearing compromised, she felt extremely unsteady and could feel herself swaying slightly. If she could just close her eyes for moment, she would feel better. As she closed them, what happened next was completely lost to her.

"Somebody, catch her!" Kurt cried from the audience, pointing desperately at Shelby. He'd seen her face turn a ghostly pale color, her normally firm stance become suddenly unsteady, and most disturbingly, her eyes roll back just before they closed completely. She was going to faint, there was no question about it. Mercedes glanced sideways in the direction of Kurt's outstretched arm, confused and concerned as to what had caused her friend such distress. For a moment, time seemed to move in slow motion. In an instant, Mercedes connected two and two in her mind. Kurt was pointing frantically to her left, where Shelby was standing. "Somebody, catch her!" echoed through her mind as she saw Shelby's face, drained of its natural color. The older girl's eyes were closed, and her knees had just given out from under her. Mercedes only had a second to react, and the moment she did, time moved in real time once more.

There were several cries of shock as Mercedes grabbed her friend at the shoulders to slow the momentum of the fall, and gently laid her down on the floor of the stage. "Shells? Shelby! Shelby, can you hear me?" Mercedes asked as she tried to stay calm. Shelby remained unresponsive as the other girls gathered closer in shock, while the boys rushed the stage in concern for her well-being.

"Everybody stand back. Give her some air," Mr. Schuester advised firmly. The glee club obeyed. "Shelby, are you alright? Can you hear me?" he asked clearly, as he shook her shoulders gently. Something stirred within Shelby as she regained awareness. She blinked her eyes rapidly against the bright lights of the stage. Was she on the ground? How did she end up there?

"Shelby! Are you okay?" someone asked. She wasn't quite coherent enough to know whom.

Oh, well. It didn't matter to her how she ended up on the ground. _That nap felt good_, she thought.

"Nap?" Mercedes asked. _Wait, did I say that out loud?_ "Shelby you _fainted_!"

"What?" Shelby asked, confused. As her eyes finally adjusted, she could see her friend looking down at her, wearing an extremely concerned expression. Mr. Schuester was on her other side with the same expression.

"You passed out after 'Express Yourself,'" the director explained. "Are you okay? I'm pretty sure it's not normal for that to happen, even in your condition."

"No, it's not normal," Shelby confirmed. She fainted, huh? That explained a lot. Specifically, why she was on the ground and her peculiar sensations just before she closed her eyes. "But it's also not surprising. I overworked myself today."

"That much is clear," Mr. Schuester agreed. "We need to get you to the nurse as soon as possible. Then you're going home."

"Yeah, that's probably best," Shelby agreed. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked around at the glee club. Relief had placed worry on their faces now that she was awake again. "Sorry I worried you, everyone. I'll try to be more careful in the future."

"You'd better. You had us worried sick!" said Santana. "Don't expect as much sympathy next time."

"Santana, you can't just say things like that!" Rachel scolded. Shelby however, hadn't been the least bit offended by her. Shelby liked that Santana didn't go out of her way to be sympathetic towards Shelby or filter her word choice in any way. The haughty Latina treated her just like everyone else, like Shelby didn't have a serious illness. They had unspoken understanding that Shelby would not be offended, or at least no more offended than she normally would, while Santana would not have to censor her outspoken mouth around Shelby.

"It's okay, there won't _be_ a next time," assured Shelby.

"But you still need to go to the nurse's office now," insisted Mercedes.

"Right," Shelby agreed.

"I'll take her," offered Finn. Thinking he meant to walk her over there, Shelby pulled her feet toward her and put a hand out behind her to steady herself as she got up. She received quite a surprise however, when Finn stepped forward, put one arm under her knees and the other under her shoulder, and scooped her right up off the ground into his arms. Momentarily surprised, she tensed up slightly but relaxed when she realized what was happening so he wouldn't drop her.

"Whoa, okay," she said in surprise. "That's one way to get there, I guess." Several people laughed.

"I don't think I trust you to walk," he explained, still looking somewhat worried.

"Fair enough," she said realistically, raising her free arm in a shrug. She supposed she had brought that one on herself. She said good-bye to the others as Finn carried her to the nurse's office, where she would wait for her mother to come pick her up.

"Shelby, what happened?" demanded her mother.

"Ummmm…" was all Shelby could think of to say. She rarely saw her mother angry, especially with her.

"You fainted!" Mrs. Kolton exclaimed. "Why?"

"I just overexerted myself a little, that's all," said Shelby defensively.

"A little!" her mother was actually at a loss for words. "We are going home right now, young lady!"

"Good, I need a nap," admitted Shelby honestly. It had been a wonder she already hadn't fallen asleep in the nurse's office, but then again, her mother had arrived there in what must have been record time. Seeing her daughter's fatigue, the middle-aged woman's expression softened. She was not so much angry as she was concerned.

"You could have called me sooner," Shelby's mother said gently. Shelby looked up expectantly. Her mother had not said "_should_ have called sooner."

"I know, but I know you're always busy with the boys' stuff and volunteering at their school, and—" Shelby began.

"Shelby, listen to me," her mother said very seriously, looking her directly in the eyes. "If you _ever_ need anything, do _not_ hesitate to call me. I will drop whatever I'm doing and come and get you. I promise. I know you're almost all grown up now, but that doesn't mean that you have to take care of yourself all the time. I'm still your mother, and I'll always be there for you."

Shelby nearly cried from her mother's loving words, but settled for hugging her instead. "I love you, Mom." It felt wonderful to know how much her mother really cared for her. When her three young brothers received most of their mother's attention, Shelby sometimes felt out of the loop. She knew she was loved, but it was moments like this when she felt truly at home.

* * *

><p>On top of "Express Yourself," everyone still wanted to put together their own numbers for the assignment. Shelby was teaming up with Mercedes and Kurt to make a music video, which had been another revolutionary influence of Madonna. What they had not expected however, was involving Miss Sylvester in their production. Something Mr. Schuester had said to her had really set her off, and they wanted to make up for it. All it had taken was a seemingly simple rebuttal against one of her numerous taunts at the glee club director's hair to make all the pieces suddenly fall into place. Her enraged storm down the hallway was a telltale signed that she constantly mocked the curly mess of hair that belonged to Mr. Schuester because she was insecure about her own. Although Shelby had reservations about being in close proximity with her former coach, she wanted to do what was morally right and offer to put her in their music video. However, she would leave the actual invitation process to Mercedes and Kurt. She did not feel ready for confrontation just yet, despite being quite confident that the coach would accept their offer. Sue Sylvester had insisted upon blaring the music of Madonna through the halls of McKinley high all week long, so they already knew she idolized the cultural and musical icon. All they had to do was convince her to join them.<p>

"You know, kids? I grew up with a handicapable sister," she told the students as they sat in her office. They exchanged curious glances. This was new information to them. "My parents were famous Nazi hunters, so they were never around a lot. I had to bring her up on my own. I didn't have a lot of time or money to keep up with all the latest looks." The sudden vulnerability of the normally stone-cold coach had taken them by surprise and they exchanged expressions again. "But on my sixth birthday, _True Blue_ was released. An album that would later sell over three million copies. And my sister and I took it upon ourselves to bleach my hair with whatever chemicals we could find around the house: ammonia, napalm. My hair was so damaged I've been forced to wear it short ever since. It's been a daily ongoing pain."

"Wait, that would make you, like, 30," Mercedes pointed out, not quite following the coach's logic.

"29," Coach Sylvester corrected, "and here's the truth. I mercilessly pick on Will Schuester's lustrous wavy hair 'cause I'm jealous. There. I said it."

"I think we can help," said Kurt. "Mercedes is black. I'm gay. We make culture."

"Go on," she urged, intrigued by where the conversation was going.

"We're working on an exciting new project and would like to use the Cheerios," he explained.

"We could help you find a new look," said Mercedes brightly, offering an exchange of services.

"Interesting," the coach responded, with only a slight twitch in her well-maintained poker face.

"One more thing," said Mercedes cautiously.

"Shoot," the coach relied.

"Shelby will be joining us for the video," Mercedes warned, trying to keep her voice neutral.

"Interesting," was still the coach's only reply.

The "Vogue" shoot went extremely smoothly, and the editing of the video turned out even better. Shelby had tried using a wig for the first time during the filming. She had to admit the sleek, dark bob looked good on her. It was fun for the day, but when it came down to it, she still missed her own. She had to empathize with her former coach now, and perhaps this was something she could use to make amends.

That was what she thought until the brutal coach was back to insulting them the next Monday. She had decided that she reinventing herself was unnecessary since she was already perfect. This particularly angered Shelby in that she thought that the trio of students had made progress in making Sue Sylvester see the error of her ways. Apparently not.

"I need to reinvent everybody else," she said simply. "Starting with you three."

Shelby had had enough. "Maybe _we_ want to reinvent _you_," Shelby retorted. Mercedes and Kurt looked nervous. They knew how livid Shelby could get when she got angry. It was best not to intervene, especially when it would by coupled with the coach's equally ferocious response. "I thought we had seen a new side of you, Miss Sylvester. A side that actually cared about others and was capable of compassion. Deep down, I think you truly are a good person, but for some unknown, ridiculous reason, you choose to hide behind a stone mask of undying resentment. Apparently, feeling empathy is too _hard_ for you," she finished, emphasizing one of the coach's favorite words.

"You don't know a single thing about me, Kolton! There are other sides of me you don't even know exist!" Coach Sylvester practically yelled.

"I know more than you think! You think being vulnerable is hard, Sue?" Shelby yelled, daring to use her former coach's first name. "_Try having cancer_! THAT'S HARD!"

"That's it! In my office! NOW!" the coach yelled back.

"No!" Shelby rebelled, turning to walk away. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Sue Sylvester's. It wasn't violent, but it was definitely firm. Shelby turned around.

"My office. _Now_," she repeated, looking Shelby directly in the eye. She was calm now, but still extremely stern in her expression. Shelby reluctantly walked toward the office as she supposed she had no choice now. An ominous silence followed them until Shelby was sitting before the desk of her former coach.

"Do you know why I brought you here, Shelby?" asked the coach.

"No," answered Shelby flatly. "I don't. What do you want from me? I don't want anything from you—nothing that you would be able to give, anyway. You know you were one of the first people I told about my cancer? And what did you do about it? You kicked me off the Cheerios! For illegitimate reasons! You completely degraded and humiliated me. What could you _possibly_ say to me to redeem yourself for that?"

"You were right," Coach Sylvester replied.

"Yeah, go ahead! Just give an insulting answer like you al—What?" Shelby started to retort her prepared answer before she had realized what the coach had actually said.

"You were right," her former coach repeated calmly. "That day you stormed out of my office, you hit me right on the head. I thought kicking you off for your potential hair loss was the perfect cover for having to kick you off for having cancer. I should have known that you'd figure out the real reason. It's always the quiet kids. They get me every stinking time," she reminisced bitterly. After a slight pause she continued, "For that, I'm impressed that you helped me get my 'Vogue' on. Takes someone with a lot of guts to help out a sworn enemy. You got stuff, kid."

"Yeah, having cancer will do that to you," Shelby said realistically. Then she asked, "Was that a 'thank you?'" She had to wonder, hardly daring to believe it.

"Don't put words in my mouth," the coach warned, but Shelby detected the slightest hint of a smile on her face.

"Isn't that what I've been doing? Reading between your lines?" Shelby responded wittily.

"Point taken," Coach Sylvester replied, admitting that she could not argue with that logic. "Look, Shelby, the truth is I can't stand to look at you because it brings back too many memories of my sister when she was in school. She was different than everyone else, and all the other kids were mercilessly mean to her. I knew it was only a matter of time before those superficial girls on the squad would eat you alive. I was trying to save you from what happened to my sister: mocked for being different because of something that's not your fault. God, no kid deserves to get cancer. Especially not you. And at your age, too. What are you, 14?"

"17," Shelby corrected. _Way to kill the moment, Sue_, she thought to herself, half wondering if the emotionally detached coach had done it on purpose.

"Close enough," Coach Sylvester said, brushing it off. "The bottom line is you having cancer is more depressing than my squad not winning a sixth consecutive national championship. It's downright undeserved. And if _anyone_ ever gives you any kind of grief for it, you come straight to me. Got it?"

"Yes, Coach," Shelby replied with great relief. She never expected to achieve any type of closure with her former coach, so the fact that she was being so forthcoming was an incredible gift in Shelby's eyes.

"I mean it," said the coach seriously, making direct eye contact. Then, she broke the connection and leaned back in her chair before saying, "Now get out of my office and go back to that pathetic collection of misfits you call a glee club."

_And, she's back_, thought Shelby. She was still the same Sue Sylvester, but she had finally shown, however briefly, that she truly did have a heart. "Miss Sylvester?" Shelby asked from the doorway before exiting the coach's office. "Thank you."

The coach looked up. "For what?" she asked, pretending to have no idea what Shelby was talking about. Shelby merely smiled at her and continued on her way to Glee rehearsal.

They closed out the week with Shelby's all-time favorite Madonna song, "Like a Prayer." The New Directions had really put their best effort into the whole number. Nearly everyone had gotten a solo line, the choreography was impeccable, and they had even brought in a full choir to back them up. Although there had been some reservations about bringing in Jesse St. James, who had recently transferred to McKinley, they could in no way deny that he was extremely talented. He definitely added to their strengths, and he was unafraid to let that show during this number. Shelby was not concentrating on the loyalty status of Jesse St. James, however. Her mind was occupied by all of the events that had occurred over the last week. She had found an inner strength inside of herself that she had not known existed. While the raging disease inside of her was still holding her back, and it was difficult to know how much exertion was too much, she still came out of the week feeling strong. She was capable of much more than she ever thought possible and although Madonna had served as a metaphor for the last week, she knew that all of this was her own doing. And that was the most empowering fact of all.

**AN: A friend once told me that this fic made her hate Sue even more than Glee itself. What do you think? Did she redeem herself?**


	14. Chapter 14 Worth More Broken

**AN: I really loved writing this chapter and debated a million times over where to break it from chapter 15 and whether or not to break it up into shorter chapters. I forgot how long it is! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or songs used. I barely own my OCs. I swear they're writing the story for me sometimes. **

Chapter 14: Worth More Broken

"Hey, guys," Artie greeted as he arrived early to glee club rehearsal, "is Shelby coming today?"

"Nope, she texted me saying the fatigue is getting to her again," answered Mercedes.

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "But there's something I wanted to talk to you guys about that I thought was kind of weird. I was at the Children's Hospital for a doctor's appointment on Friday, and I saw Shelby there."

"The Children's Hospital?" asked Puck, confused.

"Yeah. I've been going there since I was little, but they'll treat anyone under 21," Artie explained. "Anyway, I saw her there, but I didn't see anyone with her."

"What's weird about that?" wondered Puck again.

"Well, she's allowed to take people with her, isn't she? I'm pretty sure she said once that her mom goes with her," Artie tried to recall.

"And I'm pretty sure Brendon has gone with her before too. You know, her friend?" offered Mercedes. She rolled her eyes as the others struggled to remember him. "He drove her to sectionals, sandy-haired, really good-looking?"

"The one on the baseball team?" asked Finn.

"Yeah, that's the one. I think I remember him saying he went with her once or twice. But that was a while ago now," said Mercedes, quite concerned.

"Come to think of it, I haven't even heard her saying that her mom has gone with her lately, have you?" asked Artie. The others shook their heads in response, starting to understand what Artie was saying. "My point is," he continued, "I think she's been going to the hospital alone." The glee club members all stared at him with shock on their faces, but they could not deny that they thought he was right.

"I'm going to call Brendon," said Mercedes. "He gave me his number in case we ever needed extra help in convincing her _not_ to do something. I think this qualifies." She found him in her contacts and dialed. "Hey Brendon, it's Mercedes. You know how you told me to call if Shelby ever tried to do something stupid? Well, we think we have a dilemma." She was about to explain the situation to him, but he cut her off and said that he would come to the choir room to talk to her.

"She did _what_?" he exclaimed when he arrived.

"That's what we said," agreed Mercedes. "But yes, we're pretty sure that she's been going to the hospital alone for quite a while now."

"So what do we do about it?" asked Finn.

"Well, I'd go with her again, but I have to work next Friday," said Brendon.

"Maybe we should go," suggested Rachel.

"We won't all fit in a little hospital room, Rachel," Quinn pointed out.

"But at least a few of us could stay with her," she protested.

"Yeah, and this is _not_ something that she should have to do alone," said Mercedes.

"Why don't you all do what you do best?" suggested Mr. Schuester, who had arrived just after Brendon and had also been filled in on the situation. "Sing for her. Then, a few of you can stay with her for the afternoon." The mood of the room was instantly lifted with the support of this plan.

"Okay, but what should we sing?" asked Finn.

"I think I might have a suggestion." Everyone turned to face Brendon, who had spoken. He pulled a laptop out of his backpack and brought up a YouTube video of soldiers coming being reunited with their loved ones. "The song is called 'Worth More Broken.'" They all watched and listened to the emotional video. The song was beautifully done, and it fit well with the video. Or perhaps, the video fit well with it. "You could change the lyrics to 'you're' instead of 'we're,' and I don't know where you can find the sheet music, but I just thought I would suggest it," he said as the video ended.

"I love it," said Rachel, to which the others expressed their agreement as well. "Thank you."

"For everything," added Mercedes.

"Do you have family in the military?" asked Finn.

"Yeah, my uncle. Why?" Brendon wondered.

"Just wondering," Finn said simply. Then after a pause he added, "My dad was, too." Brendon merely nodded, locking eyes with the taller boy. He noticed that Finn had used the past tense.

"Well, it's settled then," said Mr. Schuester. "We'll sing this song for Shelby next Friday at the hospital."

"Don't tell her though, let's make it a surprise," said Artie, smiling.

"You should join us," Mercedes invited Brendon.

"Oh no, I really can't sing," he admitted. Then he gave a small half-smile, "But I would love to come along and see you guys sing. And to see her reaction."

* * *

><p>Shelby's response to her last treatment had not been good. In fact, it had been downright terrible. She spent most of the weekend intently watching the clock to see when she would be able to take more medicine to counteract the nausea caused by chemotherapy. She had hardly eaten because of this, and when she did eat, she only ate toast (without butter) or soup (in which she ignored the vegetables and meat). Come Monday, she was glad to be over the nausea but felt the fatigue set in hard. She did not go to school at all that day or Tuesday, and ended up going home early on Wednesday. It did not help matters in that she had contracted a cold that left her so congested she was unable to breathe through her nose.<p>

"This sucks," she told Mercedes, who had come over to visit since she had not seen Shelby at school or rehearsals all week.

"I can tell," Mercedes said, surveying her. Shelby's posture and expression told her that she was extremely tired, not only as a side effect from chemotherapy but as being frustrated with her situation. "How many more treatments do you have left?"

"I have one more next Friday, but then I have a break for about a month. They want to run some scans to track the chemo's progress, and they want it to be completely out of my system when they do. After that though, I'll probably have two more rounds, which is four more treatments, granted the scans come back with good results," Shelby answered.

"That's great! You've come so far; it's exciting that you'll be almost done!" said Mercedes excitedly.

"I still have a ways to go yet," said Shelby realistically. "And it's just really hard when my response is this bad. This is probably the worst it's ever been."

"Which means it can only get better," Mercedes comforted. Shelby smiled.

"So what have I missed being gone all week?" Shelby asked, changing the subject.

"Well, you know Kurt and I joined the Cheerios," she began.

"Which I am so proud of, by the way," Shelby chimed in.

"Well, this week she has this big magazine publisher coming and she told me I had to lose ten pounds. So I've been eating healthy and walking everywhere, but I just can't seem to shake any weight," she explained.

"Mercedes, losing ten pounds in a week is _not_ healthy!" Shelby exclaimed. "And besides, you've always been so comfortable in your body, why change just for her?"

"I know, but what am I supposed to do? I really like being a Cheerio, and I want to perform on Friday for the publisher," she protested.

Still frustrated, Shelby responded, "Look, you don't want to lose weight this way, Mercedes. I should know. I haven't told anyone at school this, but I've kept myself on a strict diet while I've been undergoing treatment. Not to lose weight, but to stay healthy and prevent or counteract some side-effects of chemo. This weekend I lived off of plain toast and soup because I felt so sick. Normally I can at least butter my toast, cook up some plain noodles, or eat the meat and vegetables in the soup, but this weekend I didn't even do that. I almost never eat sweets or junk food at all, partly because I don't feel like it most of the time, but also because cancer feeds off of sugar. I'm not about to feed something that's trying to kill me." She paused for a second, gathering her thoughts and letting Mercedes take in what she had said.

Shelby continued, "When I went to the doctor on Friday, they weighed me, like they do every time I'm there, but this time I actually paid attention to what the number was: _119 pounds_. I've lost about ten pounds since I started treatment. Some of that is muscle volume since I haven't been as active, other than glee club. The other part of it has been my eating habits. Sure I've been eating healthier, but living off toast and soup every other weekend isn't helping. A few pairs of jeans are starting to feel a little loose, but not in a good way. I wouldn't mind losing the weight if it were on my terms, but currently, it isn't. And this definitely isn't the way I would want to do it either. I'd rather have a few extra pounds than hate myself everyday for what I eat."

Mercedes did not respond immediately. It was rare for Shelby to open up like this, so she must have been extremely passionate about what she said. "Shelby, I had no idea," she said sympathetically. Shelby was unsure of how to react, so she said nothing. Mercedes continued, "I appreciate what you shared with me, but this isn't something I'm going to make a habit of. It's just for this week. I promise." That had not quite been the point that Shelby was trying to make.

* * *

><p>Fortunately, someone had gotten through to Mercedes before the Cheerios' big performance for the publisher. Surprisingly, Quinn had been the one to come forward. Having been a Cheerio herself, she knew what Mercedes was going through in terms of what their brutal coach's expectations. What made Mercedes listen however, was that Quinn shared what she had learned about her relationship with food through pregnancy. Eating well for her baby had inspired her to eat well for herself as well. With the input from her friends, Mercedes decided to put her own spin on the Cheerios' performance. She was going to make a statement about body image and that being on the Cheerios should not be about having the perfect body. Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" was the perfect song choice, both for the occasion, its meaning, and Mercedes' vocal talents. She invited everyone to sing with her, to which everyone in the glee club gladly did, along with a few others. Shelby was among the first to stand up and join her, along with Quinn.<p>

Determined to make a nonverbal statement as well, and also unable to resist the opportunity to defy her former coach, Shelby slowly unwrapped the scarf she was wearing to reveal her completely shaved head. It certainly caused her desired effect of stunned shock on the gymnasium. Mercedes merely smiled bigger and kept singing without missing a beat. As the song reached its final lines, it became Mercedes' solo once again. While the rest listened to her, Shelby found her fellow glee club members wrapping their arms around her in support. She was not used to all the attention, and was visibly nervous about standing in front of the crowd without something to cover her bald head. Despite her nervousness, she did not regret her action in the slightest, especially with the support of her friends behind her. Plus, the look of horror on Sue Sylvester's face had been completely worth it.

Come Monday, a new controversy had fallen upon the glee club. Someone had distributed a list of "Who's Hot and Who's Not" in the glee club throughout the school that had Principle Figgins threatening the disbandment of the club if the culprit was not stopped. Mr. Schuester acknowledged the seriousness of the issue, but still addressed the matter of the kids wanting to have a bad reputation. Their assignment for the week was going to take a song with a bad reputation and revive it. With a demonstration of "Ice, Ice Baby" to get them motivated, he sure caught their attention.

The problem with high school however, was that no matter how stupid the kids thought the list was, they still wanted to be on it. Kurt had called a meeting with all of them who had not made the list, plus Brittany who was determined to make the top three, to devise a plan to gain some notoriety at the school. Shelby attended the meeting, but truthfully had no qualms over not making the list.

"Don't you want to know why you didn't make the list?" asked Artie.

"I know why," said Shelby bluntly. "It's because people think I'm a freak. They don't know how to act around me. Either they don't speak to me at all because they're afraid they'll say something offensive or insensitive, or they suddenly want to apologize for something they said or did a long time ago. Random people I've never talked to before in my life come up to me and tell me that they're thinking about me or praying for me. I get a lot of looks of pity and whispering, so it's really not a surprise to me that I didn't make it." Her brutally honest response had left the others shocked speechless. She continued, "I mean, can you blame them? Who do we know that gets cancer? Old people, chain smokers, and people exposed to too much radiation. Not young people. Not people in high school. Not me. This hits closer to home than anyone could ever imagine, and they just don't know how to deal with it. I know that doesn't make it right, but I can see where they're coming from. So honestly, I'm not upset about not being on the list. But if it's what you guys want, then fine. By all means, pull your little stunt in the library. Because frankly, it sounds awesome." While she did not plan to join them, she had to admit bursting into song in the library would be fun. They could break the rules quite blatantly, and yet they would be likely to receive only minor punishment.

However, none of them had foreseen that they would not only receive no punishment for disrupting the quiet library, they would be asked to do it again.

"She said _what_?" Shelby gasped as the other five told what had happened in the library.

"You heard right," said Artie. "She asked us to do it again for her Sunday service!"

"And what did you say?" she wondered.

"Nothing. We thought it would be best to just get out of there as fast as we could," explained Artie as the others nodded in agreement, still horrorstruck. Just then, Mr. Schuester walked in.

"Shelby, can I have a word with you in my office?" he asked.

"Sure," she agreed, wondering what on Earth he could want. She found out soon enough when they reached his office.

"Look, I don't think you had anything to do with the list, but since no one's talking, I've taken to interrogating everyone," he said. "Even though I think you have plenty to be angry about and you are certainly capable of producing it, you don't strike me as someone who would take it out on others, especially not the glee club."

"You're right, Mr. Schue." she confirmed. "Why would I hurt the only place I belong at this school and make myself even more isolated?"

"That's just it, I don't think you would," he said.

"Then why am I here?" Shelby wondered suspiciously, knowing he would not call her in to be interrogated solely on the premise that he was being fair to everyone. They were all suspects that this point.

"Because I think you know who did," he explained. "Or if you don't know, you could figure out who did." _Crap_, she thought. He hit her right on the head. She did not know who wrote the list, but she was perfectly capable of finding out.

"You want me to profile for you?" she inquired warily.

"Basically," he said, not bothering to hide it. Shelby did not want to betray her friends, but at the same time she found herself unable to resist the challenge. Besides, she would not be giving him any names, only a list of criteria that he would use to find the culprit.

"Okay then, challenge accepted," she agreed. "This person is making the list because he or she is insecure about themselves in some way. They want to be well-perceived in the eyes of their peers. What better way to do that than putting themselves at the top of the list? I'd start there. But be careful, because this person could have also not ranked themselves very highly or not at all due to low self-esteem." The New Directions' director looked confused. She was aware that she had just given him two contradicting pieces of advice, so she continued, trying to make herself a little more clear. "The biggest thing I would look for though, is someone whose anger goes unexpressed. Unlike Finn, who kicks over chairs, and Mercedes, who really isn't angry, she just has a loud attitude; the person who wrote the list does not know how to deal with their anger. It's the quiet ones you should be worried about." She smiled then, knowing that she could be talking about herself.

"Don't I know it," he admitted, returning her smile. "That's what I meant by saying that I knew you were capable of making the list. What you lack is the desire to do so." He paused briefly before saying, "You know, that was a really good analysis of behavior. If you don't mind me asking, where did you learn to do that?"

"Well, first of all, _Criminal Minds_ happens to be my favorite show. But mostly, being the quiet kid that no one notices, I just observe people. Body language and facial expression can say a lot about a person. I also won't deny that I'd like to make a career profiling people," she explained.

"You'd be good at it," he told her. "And you're not the only one who tries to reenact crime dramas. Kurt who was the one who pegged me for getting this interrogation thing from watching late night _Law and Order_ reruns." Shelby felt a surge of pride for her friend and made a mental note to hug him for it later. For right now, she needed to work on the song she had chosen for this week's assignment.

"The song I picked," she announced to the glee club, "has been substantially ruined by obnoxious viral videos, corny movie sequences, and bad _American Idol_ auditions. I'm here to claim it back as an anthem for whom it was really written: The Survivors." Very quietly, she began the melody.

_First I was afraid,_

_I was petrified,_

_Kept thinking I could never live_

_without you by my side._

_But I spent so many nights_

_thinking how you did me wrong._

_I grew strong._

_I learned how to carry on._

She increased her volume in the next section, gradually building the energy of the song.

_And so you're back_

_from outer space._

_I just walked in to find you here_

_with that sad look upon your face._

_I should have changed that stupid lock._

_I should have made you leave your key._

_If I had known for just one second_

_you'd be back to bother me._

Shelby started to add dramatic hand gestures to enhance the emotion written in the nest lines, including pointing toward the door and putting the back of her hand to her forehead on the word "die."

_Go on now go!_

_Walk out the door!_

_Just turn around now_

_'cause you're not welcome anymore._

_Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?_

_You think I'd crumble,_

_you think I'd lay down and die._

_Oh no, not I!_

She raised her voice to its full volume at the chorus and belted to the best of her ability, determined to make an impact on her audience.

_I will survive!_

_As long as I know how to love_

_I know I will stay alive._

_I've got all my life to live._

_I've got all my love to give_

_and I'll survive._

_I will survive!_

_Hey, hey!_

She could see the glee club getting into her performance as she waited to come back in for the second verse. The feeling was quite empowering, and it showed in her voice. Although the volume was not quite as loud as the chorus, it had just as much energy.

_It took all the strength I had_

_not to fall apart._

_Kept trying hard to mend_

_the pieces of my broken heart,_

_and I spent oh so many nights_

_just feeling sorry for myself._

_I used to cry._

_But now I hold my head up high!_

Shelby gestured to herself as she gave a shake to her hips, really getting into her performance. She felt herself thinking about the song less and just doing what came naturally to her.

_And you see me:_

_somebody new._

_I'm not that chained up little person_

_still in love with you._

_And so you felt like dropping in,_

_and just expect me to be free,_

_Now I'm saving all my loving_

_for someone who's loving me!_

Shelby once again got louder at the chorus, and this time made her way around the room to play up the reactions of her fellow glee-clubbers who had risen to their feet to cheer her on.

_Go on now go!_

_Walk out the door!_

_Just turn around now_

_'cause you're not welcome anymore._

She pointed at the door over Finn's shoulder, spun him around, and gave him a gentle shove towards the door. She turned around to face the rest of the glee club behind her. She stretched out her arms as if she was daring them to join her.

_Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?_

_You think I'd crumble?_

_You think I'd lay down and die?_

_Oh no, not I!_

_I will survive!_

_Oh, as long as I know how to love_

_I know I'll stay alive._

_I've got all my life to live,_

_I've got all my love to give,_

_and I'll survive._

_I will survive!_

_Oh…_

One by one the other members came down from their chairs to join her in singing and dancing around the room.

_Go on now go!_

_Walk out the door!_

_Just turn around now_

_'cause you're not welcome anymore._

_Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?_

_You think I'd crumble?_

_You think I'd lay down and die?_

_Oh no, not I!_

Shelby made her way towards Mercedes, whose powerhouse voice she sought to be next to her own. Together, they belted:

_I will survive!_

_Oh, as long as I know how to love_

_I know I will stay alive._

_I've got all my life to live,_

_I've got all my love to give,_

_and I'll survive._

_I will survive!_

_I will survive!_

Shelby held the final note longer than anyone else, and much longer than the intended note value, but it was good for the dramatic effect. It certainly earned her a group hug from the glee club and a spur of rave reviews from everyone.

"That was awesome!" said Tina.

"Way to go, Shells, I didn't know you could belt like that!" Mercedes praised proudly. Shelby tried to get in a "Neither did I" but it was lost to the group's enthusiasm.

"Preach!" said Artie, with a wave of his hand.

"Damn, remind me never to piss you off!" remarked Puck.

"You'll need _reminding_?" Finn asked his friend incredulously.

"Mr. Schue., can we _please_ do that for Sectionals?" asked Kurt, grinning.

"Yeah, then whip off your scarf like you did at the pep rally last Friday! That'll show the judges!" said Mercedes as everyone laughed, including Shelby.

"We'll see, okay, everyone?" the director replied, grinning.

* * *

><p>"This is the time we were supposed to be here, right?" Finn asked.<p>

"Yeah, her appointment is in like 20 minutes," confirmed Brendon.

"Then shouldn't she be here by now?" Finn wondered, sounding worried.

"Don't worry, we have time," Brendon insisted. Just then, the door to the waiting room opened. Shelby appeared from behind it. "Told you."

"What it this?" Shelby asked, surprised to see the whole glee club and Brendon crammed into the waiting room. The room was quite accommodating, but the large group made it look rather undersized.

"Surprise!" everyone exclaimed.

"We figured out that you've been going to your chemo appointments alone," began Finn.

"So we decided we're staging an intervention," interrupted Mercedes with plenty of attitude. "Girl, you are not going through this alone, and we are not going to let you."

"So we prepared a little number for you," added Kurt.

"_Here_?" Shelby asked, looking around nervously.

"Sure, we got permission. The staff are all for it," said Artie. Sure enough, the desk attendants were smiling excitedly at the group and some of the free nurses were gathering to watch what was going on.

"So have a seat, so we can start!" said Rachel, pulling her to a nearby chair. Brendon took the one next to her.

"Don't you have to work?" Shelby asked him.

"Yeah, but I said I'd be a little late," Brendon replied casually as Mr. Schuester started the song's introduction on the piano in the corner. Finn started the male lead.

_I'm fine..._

_That's what you said to me,_

_but baby I just can't believe_

_that line from a girl who gets __bored so easily_.

_Tell me why it has to be_

_mapped out so perfectly._

_We're stuck in between the world_

_and the life we're supposed to lead._

_People look at us like we're crazy…_

The rest of the group joined him at the chorus with layering harmonies backing up the main melody led by Rachel.

_Even if my head spins_

_on a downward fall._

_Even if my soul runs thin_

_and we're reduced to a crawl._

_Even if I fail to be the one_

_you thought you knew all along._

Rachel and Finn took solos at the last lines of the chorus, respectively. Making direct eye contact with Shelby and giving her a loving smile, which she returned.

_I'm daring you to leave both eyes open_

'_cause you're worth more broken..._

Rachel also took the transitional phrase, but Puck took over the lead of the second verse while the girls added descant harmonies.

_Yeah you're more broken._

_Leave it behind, let it go._

_Life moves fast, you can't control._

_Just hold onto me, we'll be complete,_

_everyone will know._

Mercedes owned the lead in the second half of the verse with everyone else backing her up.

_Maybe they'll be a breakdown or two._

_In your corner, I'll stand there with you._

_The best part of that is I had no doubt,_

_I already knew..._

Finn led to group into the chorus, where they joined him again.

_People look at us like we're crazy…_

_Even if my head spins_

_on a downward fall._

_Even if my soul runs thin_

_and we're reduced to a crawl._

_Even if I fail to be the one_

_you thought you knew all along._

Rachel ended the chorus for the second time, leading into the transition to the end of the song.

_I'm daring you to leave both eyes open_

'_cause you're worth more broken…_

Shelby looked around the room to see even more people had made their way into the waiting room to listen. Those who couldn't fit without crowding the room too much watched from the window behind the welcome desk or through the open doorway that led to the treatment rooms. The audience was full of hospital staff as well as visiting families. A few kids even came to watch, with their medicine dispensers in tow. Shelby turned her attention back to the New Directions, who were smiling at her as if it was extremely difficult for them to refrain from wrapping her in another group hug. The interlude ended and Rachel to them back into the final chorus, where the rest of the group joined her.

_People look at us like we're crazy…_

_Even if my head spins_

_on a downward fall._

_Even if my soul runs thin_

_and we're reduced to a crawl._

_Even if I fail to be the one_

_you thought you knew all along._

Rachel had a one line solo, followed by Mercedes.

_I'm daring you to leave both eyes open._

_Oh, I'm daring you to leave both eyes open._

It was Finn who closed the song, with Rachel on the last subtle line. They looked Shelby directly in the eye, meaning every word.

'_cause you're worth more broken._

_Worth more broken…_

Mr. Schuester finished the remaining measures of the song on the piano as Shelby jumped up from her seat into the arms of her friends. The observing crowd began to applaud them, a few wiping their eyes from the tissue on the desk. With own her eyes tearing up, Shelby said, "You guys, that was amazing!"

"We just wanted you to know you're not alone in going through this," said Mercedes gently. "But as for the song, Brendon here deserves all the credit."

"Really?" Shelby asked, turning to him.

"What can I say? It came from one of my favorite YouTube videos," he shrugged. Catching a glimpse of his watch, he said quickly, "Shoot, I have to go to work."

"Thanks for coming, though. And especially for choosing the song, Brendon," said Shelby.

"It was nothing," he brushed off.

"It certainly is something," she insisted. "That song was perfect,"

Brendon was flustered slightly before he responded with a cocky smile, "Well, maybe it was," and winked at her before exiting the waiting room.

Shelby turned back to the glee club. "Unfortunately there's not room for all of you, but if a few of you want to stay, I'd love company. I brought _Moulin Rouge_ to watch today, so who wants watch it with me?"

"Are you kidding me with this?" Kurt asked. "You coming to chemo appointments alone is bad enough, and then you were going to watch _that_ by yourself?"

"Well…" Shelby began lamely.

"In that case, I'm staying," he said firmly. "At least then you'll have someone to cry with."

"I'm with Kurt. I'm staying, too," said Mercedes. "I love Moulin Rouge as much as the next musical enthusiast, but seriously? You going to watch it _alone_? While getting _chemo_?"

Shelby laughed now. "Yeah, in hindsight that wasn't my best plan," she admitted.

"And Lady Marmalade is totally my jam, and I'm not about to let you two diva it off without me," Mercedes said, flashing her diva attitude.

Shelby grinned at Mercedes before turning back to the rest of the group. "Thank you again, everyone. You guys were amazing, and it really meant a lot to me that you would come here and do this for me. I'll see you… when I see you," she finished, unsure how she would be feeling on Monday. But after the support she had received today, she could only hope it would be good.

* * *

><p>"What's our assignment for this week?" Shelby asked Mercedes over the phone. She had been decided to stay home from school on Monday to rest so that she would have more energy to go on Tuesday.<p>

"Mr. Schue. found out that some people haven't giving their full effort into practice, so he decided that we should choose a song that suits our voice and describes who we are," Mercedes explained. "Then we're going to present it to the rest of the group. Alone."

"Interesting," said Shelby, pondering possible song selections. She had to admit she found the assignment empowering. However, she still had not completely overcome her fear of expressing her emotions and voice publicly. "But all alone, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm really excited! 'Bout time I got my moment to shine around here," proclaimed the diva.

"Go get 'em, girl! You'll be awesome," Shelby told her friend. Then she asked in a nervous voice, "Do you think I'm ready for my own solo?"

"Are you kidding? You'll knock 'em dead! You owned 'I Will Survive,'" answered Mercedes.

"I know, but high off adrenaline the whole time. Plus I got you guys pumped up so you would join me. Even 'If I Die Young' was a duet with Rachel. This is my first real solo," explained Shelby, "and I'll have to know it inside and out because there'll be no room to cover up any mistakes."

"Listen, Shells," encouraged Mercedes, "just because you don't have deep chocolate tones like me or show-stopping pipes like Rachel, doesn't mean that you can't have your own moment in the spotlight. The perfect song can make anyone sound like a star. You're gonna find it and turn everyone in that room into members of your own Shelby Fan Club, because they won't know what hit them."

"It's not just the song," Shelby finally admitted. "I'm going to have to put myself out there and sing something really personal. I've put up too many walls and kept to myself too long to know how to do anything else. I'm just not the girl who can get up and sing her heart out in front of everyone."

"Shells," said Mercedes firmly, "How many of Mr. Schue's assignments, how many confrontations with Sue Sylvester, how many 'I Will Survive's, hell, how many _rounds of chemo_ is it going to take for you to realize you _are_ that girl?"

"But—" Shelby began.

"But nothing!" Mercedes interrupted. "Shelby, I've never met anyone who's as strong as you are. You already have what it takes to deliver an amazing solo. I've seen it happen. Don't try to blame it on adrenaline, or our support, or anything else. It was all you. You can do this. I know you can."

Mercedes' words suddenly gave Shelby an idea. She had a feeling she knew what her song was going to be. "Thanks, Mercedes. I'm going to start searching through my music library right now," Shelby said as she turned on the family computer. "I'd do 'I Will Survive' a second time, but I don't want to toot my own horn too much."

Mercedes laughed on the other end of the line. "As awesome as that would be, I think you're right," she agreed. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you," said Shelby.

Although still feeling considerably tired, Shelby felt well enough to come to school and glee club rehearsal. By the end of the day, she could feel her energy fading again, but was determined to make it through rehearsal. If she could just close her eyes for about 20 minutes, that would give her a the quick recharge she needed. Luckily, arriving at the choir room early gave her the opportunity for just that. Suddenly, she heard someone sit down to her right. She opened her eyes sleepily to see Puck occupying the chair beside her. She gave him a nod of acknowledgment. Puck returned the nod, but kept his head facing forward. About to close her eyes again, Shelby noticed him reach over with his right arm and tap his own left shoulder twice. Not comprehending, Shelby stared at him blankly, blinking slowly. He met her eyes, nodded to his shoulder, then looked back at her. Realizing what he was wordlessly saying, Shelby leaned towards him slightly, but stopped to get a read on his face. Was this really Noah Puckerman, self-proclaimed ladies' man and badass, offering his shoulder for her to sleep on? His face remained completely static. Making a brief mental note to play poker with him sometime, she rested her head on his shoulder and dozed off into a short nap.

Shelby did not see or hear the others enter the room, but that was partly because Puck had shushed them upon entry. Not wanting to disturb her, they complied, but shot Puck many odd looks as they did so. Santana was positively fuming, but Puck gave her a warning look not to interfere. She clearly wanted to interfere, but settled for sulking in the back row instead.

"Is everyone ready?" Mr. Schuester greeted, relatively loudly. He was promptly shushed by the room, with several pointing at Shelby. "Oh," was all he could manage upon seeing Puck with a sleeping Shelby on his shoulder. "How…" he began, still confused at the sight of the unlikely pair. "How long has she been like that?"

"Sleeping or on Puck's shoulder?" joked Quinn. The New Directions laughed. Mr. Schuester had no response.

"What's so funny?" asked Shelby, waking up. No one could stop laughing long enough to explain it to her.

"Finn, you said you had a song ready?" Mr. Schuester prompted.

"Uh, yeah," he confirmed, his laughter finally subsiding. He launched into a cool rendition of "Jessie's Girl," making pretty clear that he was singing about Rachel. Puck followed him with a very classy take on "The Lady is a Tramp."

"Sorry. It's not about you, babe," said Puck, winking. "No offense."

"None taken," Shelby laughed, having finally been told why she had awoken to uncontrollable laughter.

The next day, it was Kurt's turn to present a song. Shelby had been excited for his performance, up until she had seen what he was wearing. She could do nothing but stare at him, mouth open and wide-eyed. He had traded his usual trendy, fashion-forward wardrobe for a get-up straight out of a Gander Mountain catalog. Shelby was even more mortified of his choice of song. Mellencamp was the polar opposite of Kurt's voice, style, and personality, so she could only wonder what had happened to cause such a drastic change. She could not even bring herself to applaud his performance. Although he had sung the song technically quite well, it was so inherently un-Kurt that she had trouble enjoying it. It sounded forced and there was no emotion behind it, which was unusual for someone who typically sang with great ease.

"What was _that_!" Shelby demanded of him later.

"What was what?" Kurt denied.

"You know perfectly well _what_! Your 'performance' today could not have been less you! Forget missing the point of the assignment, you completely let me down, Kurt," she told him.

"Well, this is who I am now, Shelby," he said defensively. "Straight-talking, roughing it in the woods, working on cars kind of guy."

"Why?" said Shelby, exasperated. "Who told you that being yourself isn't enough? You were honestly the last person I ever thought who would let someone else dictate who they should be. You could have done anything, Kurt. _Anything_. _Wicked_, Streisand, Whitney, literally countless others. And what do you choose? _Mellencamp_? Let's face it, you could have at least chosen Springsteen instead. But either way, you completely lost yourself this week. I just can't think of anyone who would want you to change yourself. I mean, even your dad is completely supportive. Whatever you choose is your choice, but just make sure it's for the right reasons, okay?" Shelby finished, hoping dearly that she had gotten through to him. By his expression, mixed with guilt and defiance, she honestly could not tell.

Shelby stood before the members of New Directions, ready to perform her solo piece. After her talk with Mercedes and practicing it relentlessly, she was confident that she could deliver it well. She started the song quietly, as if she were telling a story.

_Drivin' around town,_

_Kinda bored with the windows rolled down._

_See a girl on a bus stop bench_

_Dressed to draw attention._

_Hopin' everyone will stare._

_If she don't stand out, she think she'll disappear. _

_Wish I hold her, tell her, show her,_

_What you want is already there._

The chorus came stronger to Shelby, with more depth. It was less of a story here, but more of a metaphor to her own life.

_A star is a star,_

_It doesn't have to try to shine._

_Water will fall,_

_A bird just knows how to fly. _

_You don't have to tell a flower how to bloom_

_Or light how to fill up a room. _

_You already are what you are, and what you are:_

_Is beautiful. _

The story-like tone returned for the second verse as Shelby continued. It was sad, yet it revealed a quiet strength to which Shelby could definitely relate.

_Heard a story the other day, _

_Took place at the local VA._

_A father talking to his dying son, this was his conversation:_

_It's not supposed to be like this,_

_You can't go first; I can't handle this. _

_The boy said 'Dad now don't you cry,_

_Remember when I was child what you used to tell me_

_When I'd ask why you'd say'_

The chorus' words were different the second time, and related to Shelby's life even more. She gave Mercedes a knowing smile, since the next section of the song was basically what Mercedes had told her a few days ago. Mercedes was smiling back at her, and the tone of her voice turned from story-like to full and rich, filling the song's words with great power.

_Gravity is gravity;_

_It doesn't try to pull you down._

_Stone is stone; _

_It can't help but hold its ground._

_The wind just blows though you can't see, _

_It's everywhere like I'll always be._

_You already are what you are and what you are:_

_Is strong enough. _

Shelby strengthened the third verse to make it clear that it was for no one but herself. She lost herself in the song, and the room seemed to disappear, in a way. It was now just her and the music.

_Look in the mirror, now that's another story to tell._

_I give love to others, but I give myself hell. _

_I have to tell myself that in every seed there's a perfect plant._

_Everything I hope to be I already am. _

_A flower is flower;_

_It doesn't have to try bloom._

_Light is light;_

_It just knows how to fill a room. _

_And dark is dark,_

_So the stars have a place to shine._

_The tide goes out so it can come back another time. _

Shelby grounded herself in the room again and sang directly to the glee club. She was singing for herself, but for them as well. She wasn't the only struggling to find who she was, and maybe they didn't have to search at all. Maybe it had been inside of them the whole time.

_Goodbye makes a love so sweet and_

_Love is love so it can teach us_

_We already are what we are_

_And what we are:_

_Is beautiful…_

_And strong enough…_

_And good enough…_

_And bright enough._

Shelby received a warm round of applause from the room, and a huge smile from Mercedes. _Told you_, she mouthed.

"Shelby, that was excellent!" congratulated Mr. Schuester. "That song really spoke to who you are. Now this is what I'm talking about for this week's assignment! A few of you have been struggling with this, but this is a prime example of what I'm looking for. You all have wonderful qualities that make you unique, and the assignment for this week is to showcase all of that."


	15. Chapter 15 Shared Strength

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Contains borrowed dialogue from "Theatricality" - no infringement intended. **

Chapter 15: Shared Strength/The Cancer Card

"I need your help," Shelby told her fellow glee clubbers Monday afternoon. "Since we don't have an assignment this week, I was wondering if you would help me with a project of my own?"

"What is it?" asked Finn.

"I want to sing for the kids at the hospital," she explained. "The looks on their faces when you guys sang for me were priceless, and I would love to have a performance just for them."

"That's so sweet, we should totally do that," said Rachel.

"I already have some song ideas, and we could probably have them ready by Friday," Shelby continued hopefully.

"Well, as long as Mr. Schue is worried about Bryan Ryan crushing all our dreams, we do need something else to do," said Artie. The room seemed to be in agreement. Singing for the kids at the hospital was a good idea in terms of a charitable cause and something to do during a slow week.

"Yes! Thank you so much! This is going to be awesome!" Shelby exclaimed, grinning.

Mr. Schuester shared Shelby's enthusiasm when he was informed of the glee club's plan to perform at the Children's Hospital. After a week filled with emotional ups and downs, he finally seemed content in his choice of life's work. The New Directions had been somewhat worried that Mr. Schuester was going to leave the glee club in favor of his own dream of having a lead role in a production of _Les Miserables_. But in the end, he handed the role over to Ryan, saying that their dreams were now more important than his own. Part of the reason for his enthusiasm probably stemmed from the prospect of spreading their love of music to an audience that would truly appreciate it and the potential to inspire even more dreams.

The performance was almost set to start; they were only waiting for a few latecomers to take a seat. The New Directions waited on the makeshift stage that had been built in the cafeteria, looking at the excited expressions of the children, families, and hospital staff that had turned up to watch the performance. A woman walked up to the microphone to introduce them as the crowd quieted.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I would like you to welcome the New Directions from McKinley High who have graciously offered to perform for you all today," she introduced. The audience welcomed them with warm applause as the guitarist started to play the opening of the first song. The clapping died away, and Finn opened the song's first verse.

_Welcome to the planet,_

_Welcome to existence._

_Everyone's here, everyone's here._

_Everybody's watching you now._

_Everybody waits for you now._

_What happens next?_

_What happens next?_

The rest of the group joined him at the chorus, strengthening the powerful message of the song. They were here to inspire these kids today.

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to lift yourself up off of the floor._

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to move_

_Like today never happened,_

_Today never happened before._

Shelby had her turn at a solo for the second verse. She really wanted to connect with the audience, so she let her emotions carry the song.

_Welcome to the fallout._

_Welcome to resistance._

_The tension is here; the tension is here._

_Between who you are and who you could be,_

_Between how it is and how it should be. Ye-eah_.

Once again, the entire group sang the chorus together. They added more harmonies this time to add to the growing emotion in the song.

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to lift yourself up off of the floor._

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to move_

_Like today never happened,_

_Today never happened…_

Going straight into the third verse, the group kept the harmonies, with several members taking turns on the melody.

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell._

_Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell._

_Where can you run to escape from yourself?_

_Where you gonna go?_

_Where you gonna go?_

_Salvation is here_.

The final chorus came out strong, engaging the audience in the message the song, and they, were trying to convey.

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to lift yourself, to lift yourself up off of the floor._

_I dare you to move._

_I dare you to move_

_Like today never happened,_

_Today never happened,_

_Today never happened._

_Today never happened before_.

The audience clearly loved the performance with the enthusiasm in their clapping and cheering. Several kids had jumped out of their seats and were now bouncing up and down excitedly. Before the next number began, Shelby stepped up to the microphone to address the audience, more specifically the kids who were at the hospital for treatment.

"This next song," she told them, "is probably one you know well, but we're going to do it a bit differently than the version you're used to. Even so, I want you to listen carefully to what the song is saying. It means a lot to me, and I think it will mean a lot to you, too.

"I'm just like you. I come here to see doctors because I'm sick. And I know I'm going to get better, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's hard. It's _really_ hard. But you just have to keep going. Believe in yourself, keep fighting, and stay strong. I know you can."

Shelby locked eyes with her audience as they applauded her short speech. She hoped that she had inspired at least a few kids out there today. The clapping died away as the guitarist began the introduction to the song. Shelby stepped back so that Finn could take the opening lead of the song.

_Skies are crying, I am watching,_

_Catching tear drops in my hands._

_Only silence, as it's ending_

_Like we never had a chance._

_Do you have to make me feel like_

_there's nothing left of me?_

It was Shelby's turn for a solo at the chorus. Her voice conveyed a perfect mixture of strength and vulnerability that allowed her voice to float over the notes without forcing it.

_You can take everything I have;_

_You can break everything I am_

_Like I'm made of glass,_

_Like I'm made of paper._

_Go on and try to tear me down._

_I will be rising from the ground_

_Like a skyscraper,_

_Like a skyscraper._

Artie sang the melody on the second verse while Tina supplied occasional harmony.

_As the smoke clears, I awaken_

_And untangle you from me._

_Would it make you, feel better_

_To watch me while I bleed?_

The whole glee club joined them at the last line and continued into the second chorus. The song was slowing building, gathering strength as it moved along.

_All my windows still are broken_

_But I'm standing on my feet._

_You can take everything I have;_

_You can break everything I am_

_Like I'm made of glass,_

_Like I'm made of paper._

_Go on and try to tear me down._

_I will be rising from the ground_

_Like a skyscraper,_

_Like a skyscraper._

The transition into the final chorus kept building, the volume increasing and the harmonies becoming more pronounced.

_Go run, run, run._

_I'm gonna stay right here, _

_And watch you disappear._

_Oh, yeah…_

_Go run, run, run._

_Yeah, it's a long way down,_

_But I am closer to the clouds up here._

The New Directions held back their intense energy slightly to make room to grow again towards the end.

_You can take everything I have;_

_You can break everything I am_

_Like I'm made of glass,_

_Like I'm made of paper._

The energy returned full force as the song reached its peak. This is what made the New Directions unique as a group: when they worked together and shared a common message in music, it showed in their performance. There may have even been a few audience members tearing up.

_Go on and try to tear me down._

_I will be rising from the ground_

_Like a skyscraper…_

_Like a skyscraper…_

_Like a skyscraper…_

_Like a skyscraper._

The guitar quietly finished the remaining bars of the song as the New Directions held their final positions in a strong stance. The audience was silent for a moment when the music ended, and then erupted into applause. Adults and children alike were on their feet, huge grins of delight spreading over their faces. The woman who had introduced them came back out onto the stage. "Let's hear it for the New Directions!" she exclaimed, increasing the applause to even greater levels. "Thank you so much for your brilliant performance, and we hope that you'll come back again!" It took several minutes for the applause to fade but when it did, the New Directions left the stage with smiles on their faces, knowing that they had made a true difference in many lives that day, especially with the kids. This must have been what Mr. Schuester felt every time he saw that inspired look on their faces.

* * *

><p>The assignment for the following week could be summed up with two syllables: GaGa. This would be the perfect way to express the dreams of theatricality that they had worked on last week. If Vocal Adrenaline was going to "go GaGa," then so could the New Directions. After some subtle spying, the girls gathered some ideas for how to go about putting together a Lady GaGa number. Each of them would design and make their own costume based on a look that Lady GaGa had done and wear it all week long.<p>

Shelby embraced the project eagerly. She made a trip to the local craft and fabric stores to get as much silver appliqué as she could find to replicate the shiny silver top in the "Poker Face" video. It would be easy enough to make as long as she was willing to spend a couple hours of quality time with the hot glue gun. Somewhere at home she had a long white wig to which she could add blue streaks, along with some old gray gloves, whose fingers were ruined anyway, that she could cut off the tips. She raided her old box of childhood dress-up clothes for some large jeweled rings and silver nail polish. For once, she found a great degree of freedom in her lack of hair in that it made wearing a wig and applying body make-up much easier. By this point, she had almost no hair anywhere on her body. Her eyebrows had been thinning gradually for a few months now, but she recently decided that it would be better to pluck the sparse hairs that remained and invest in an eyebrow pencil to draw them back on. A few eyelashes were left as well, but she did not dare put mascara on them in case they fell off into her eye. Luckily for GaGa week though, it was the perfect opportunity to experiment with make-up, which she rarely wore, and false eyelashes, which she had never used.

Come the following day, Shelby held her head high as she paraded through the halls of McKinley High with her homemade shiny outfit, complete with a great pair of leather boots that she had borrowed from the her mother, who Shelby didn't even know had something so awesome hidden away in a storage closet. She met up with Tina, who was wearing an impressive bubble dress, and Kurt, who also had a shiny silver outfit with a wig to go with it. Their admiration of each other's costumes was short lived however, as trouble arrived in the form of Karofsky. He shoved Tina into Kurt, forcing them both to slam into the locker bank.

"Excuse me!" demanded Kurt. "Were you dropped on your heads?"

"What was that?" asked Karofsky, whose attention was sufficiently grabbed by the insult to him and his friend, Azimio.

"I think you heard me," Kurt replied, holding his ground. "I'm just saying, pick on me that's fine, but don't throw around a girl!"

"Well, you know, lately we haven't been able to tell the difference," Azimio retorted. "We're not gaga for GaGa."

"You dress all freaky, and rub it in everybody's faces. I don't wanna look at it all day," Karofsky said simply. "It's weird. It makes my eyes tired."

"If you wanna switch it up a bit, just go from gap to Banana Republic," Azimio insulted. Shelby was surprised he even knew what Banana Republic was.

"It's called being theatrical," defended Kurt. "We're showing off who we are. It's the same thing you do when you come to school with your football uniforms on. You're expressing yourself, and we have every right to do the same."

"You know what? Next time you wanna express yourself and look like a circus freak, don't be shocked when my fist—" _BAM!_ Azimio punched the locker for dramatic effect, "feels like expressing itself against your chin! Okay? Knock that crazy-fool, crepe-paper nonsense off you."

"Let's go," ordered Karofsky, turning to leave, but not before reaching for Shelby's shoulder to give her a shove as well. However, Shelby was more prepared for such an event and wanted nothing more than to give Karofsky a personal display of her experience in self-defense. In one swift movement, she grabbed Karofsky's arm, twisted it around backwards, pinned it against his back, and shoved him up against the locker instead. He gasped in pain and feebly tried to get his arm out of her grasp.

"Don't even think about trying to free yourself or you'll dislocate your shoulder! Or break your wrist. Or both!" Shelby warned. "_And so will you if you try to free him_!" she added, glaring at Azimio. He quickly stepped back, unsure of what she was saying was true, but not confident enough in his doubt to bet Karofsky's arm on it. Shelby snapped her focus back to Karofsky, twisted his wrist a little farther, causing him to writhe in even more pain. "Now listen!" she said fiercely, right into his ear. "I don't know who taught you that it was okay to brutalize girls, but I'm going to un-teach it! You don't agree with the way we dress, fine, but that doesn't give to the right to push us around! And you better get used to seeing it because we'll be dressed like this for the rest of the week, whether you like it or not. And if I hear about you laying so much as a finger on Tina, Kurt, or anyone else, you'll end up with something a lot worse than a sore wrist! Got it?"

"I don't take orders from a girl!" he objected.

"No? I'd bet you'd listen if I were a boy that had you up against the wall!" Shelby retorted, offended by his sexist attitude. Suddenly, Karofsky turned quickly to throw Shelby off of him, which was effective, but he ended up on the floor clutching his wrist. "Told you," she said simply. "Come on, guys," she said to Kurt and Tina, walking away.

"That was incredible!" exclaimed Kurt.

"More than that, it was badass!" said Tina.

"Where did you learn to do that?" wondered Kurt.

"I've been taking karate for years. It's basic self-defense," Shelby replied simply.

"Even so, he's like, twice your size! How'd you do that?" he said, still flabbergasted.

"It was brains over brawn, mostly," she admitted. "Karofsky's not the sharpest crayon in the box, if you haven't noticed, so it was fairly easy to keep him in place on pain alone. That hold would have been easy to get out of if he hadn't been trying to free the arm that I was holding. That's what was hurting him so much. If he had used his free arm against me, got my other arm off his shoulder, or turned the other way, he could have easily escaped. But instead, he turned to his left, which twisted his own wrist the wrong way, and now he's on the floor whimpering like a baby."

"That's awesome!" said Tina. "Will you teach me how to do that?"

"Sure," Shelby replied as they made their way toward the choir room. Once there, Mr. Schuester admired their costumes and how they expressed their individuality. Missing from the group of GaGa enthusiasts was Rachel, who had discovered that the identity of her birth mother was none other than the coach of Vocal Adrenaline, Shelby Corcoran. Just as Puck was about to question her loyalty, she walked through the door wearing a dress that appeared to have a whole collection of small, plush carnival prizes glued to it. Or stapled, as they found out when she explained that her dads lacked the ability to sew. Wanting to move past the tense situation, the GaGa clad group broke out into "Bad Romance." Moving into the auditorium gave them the space and presence to unleash their inner Lady GaGa. Shelby's shiny top shimmered under the stage lights, and her tight black pants complimented it dramatically. The choreography pulled at her port slightly, but she ignored it and kept moving. She refused to let some minor discomfort keep her from enjoying being theatrical.

The next day, the boys had their shot at being theatrical, but in a different way. Having been less than keen on doing Lady GaGa, Finn had taken the initiative to find a suitable alternative. The curtain came up to reveal the five of them dressed in black leather with white face paint.

"No freaking way!" Shelby exclaimed as she and the other girls cheered. "_Kiss_?" She fondly remembered the time they had all played RockBand, and she probably cheered louder than anyone else.

* * *

><p>"Shelby, I need your help," Finn told her later.<p>

"It's about Kurt, isn't it?" she guessed.

"Yeah, how'd you know that?" he wondered.

"You were singing to him today. During 'Beth,'" she explained.

"It was that obvious, huh?" he asked, and she merely smiled reply. "I screwed up. I mean, _really_ screwed up, and I don't know how to fix it."

"What did you do?" she wondered.

"I got angry and frustrated and said a bunch of things I didn't mean. But, I don't want to talk about it; I just want to know how to fix it," he said, frustrated.

"It's that bad?" she asked.

"Yeah. _Really_ bad. Like, get-kicked-out-of-the-house-bad. Or Kurt-will-never-talk-to-me-again-bad. I just don't know what to do," he sighed.

"Well, you need to show Kurt how much he means to you. There's no way that you can take back what you said, but actions speak louder than words. What can you do that will show him you still care about him?" she advised.

"He kind of wanted me to talk to Karofsky, maybe that will make up for it," he thought out loud.

"Did he threaten him again!" Shelby demanded.

"Again?" Finn wondered.

"Damn him!" Shelby swore fiercely. Finn looked quite frightened. He had never heard Shelby swear before.

"Whoa, scary Shelby," he said, barely audible. He tried to steer the conversation back to Kurt to calm her down. "So do you think talking to him would work?"

"It might, but I think you should take it one step further," she suggested, the fire in her eyes fading.

"One step further? What's that?" he asked.

"I don't know, but I'm sure you'll think of something," she said, leaving him to his thoughts, deciding that if that step was to beat Karofsky up, she would not be against it.

In the meantime while Finn made up his mind on what to do next, Shelby was about to confront Karofsky herself. Before she could do more than shout his name however, they were both called into Principal Figgins' office. Her father was there waiting for them. Dressed in a full suit, he must have had to take time out of work to be there. Whatever he was here for, it could not be good.

"Dad?" she wondered aloud. For him to be missing work, this must have been extremely important. "What's going on here?"

"I couldn't get away from work until today," her father began.

"Shelby," Principal Figgins continued over him, "Dave here told me that you assaulted him the other day, is this true?"

"Assaulted him? That was self defense! He assaulted _me_! And two of my friends!" she said, appalled.

"She doesn't have a scratch on her, and I'm sitting here with a broken wrist!" he pointed out.

"That's because I didn't let you! _Self defense_!" she repeated.

"You call that self defense? You broke my wrist!" he argued.

"You broke your own wrist! I warned you that trying to escape would lead to that!" she fought back. The argument reached a point where they were yelling over each other, and no one could understand what was being said. It continued until Principal Figgins intervened.

"Enough!" he commanded, and they both fell silent.

"Boys are such babies!" Shelby muttered under her breath, inaudible to anyone else.

"Principal Figgins, if I may," Shelby's father interjected. "If what my daughter says is true, then her actions were clearly out of self defense. Young Dave here has a history of violent behavior that has likely gone without punishment for some time. It's inexcusable that this school would tolerate violence against its female students, so unless this is stopped, you can expect to have a very expensive lawsuit on your hands."

"You think you can tell me how to run my school?" Principal Figgins asked rhetorically. "Do you even have a lawyer to sue the school, Mr. Kolton?"

"I am a lawyer," Mr. Kolton responded. "The ADA, in fact, so you'd best listen to my advice. If I hear of any harassment against my daughter or her friends, I won't bother to come for some unnecessary meeting. The first communication you will receive will be from a judge." He finished firmly, rising to leave. Shelby followed him without another word.

"Dad, that was awesome!" she said when they were safely out of earshot of the office.

"Yeah, well, it helps to have a well-connected father on your side when you need to claim self defense," he admitted, but then became more stern. "Even so, I don't want to hear about you getting into any more fights. There's only so far threatening a lawsuit can take you, and it won't work every time. You have to learn to fight your own battles. Without violence," he added.

"Don't worry, Dad, I will," she assured him. "But thanks anyway," she said smiling, and hugged him.

Sure enough, the next confrontation with Karofsky happened the very next day. He had cornered Kurt and would have probably done some serious damage if Finn had not come to his aid. Dressed in a red shower curtain, he had gone the extra mile to show Kurt how much he meant to him.

"Really dude? 'Cause I'm pretty sure we could take both of you," the rest of the New Directions heard Karofsky say as they approached the boys.

"Yeah? Can you take all of us?" Puck intimidated. Over his shoulder, Shelby gave the bully a menacing glare, which caused him to become rather apprehensive.

"Okay," Azimio said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Okay, I get it. I took biology. You know what, Karofsky? We done disturbed the freak hive. The worker freaks is trying to protect the queen freak."

"Next time, we'll bring some friends, too," added Karofsky, attempting to maintain in control of the situation. However, Shelby's gaze had only increased in severity, causing him to become even more unnerved. He retained his composure except for a glimpse of fear in his eyes as he and Azimio left.

"I'm tired of everyone calling us freaks," said Rachel after their exit.

"Look at us, we are freaks," Mercedes laughed. The group could not deny she was right.

"We're all freaks together," added Finn, then he turned to Kurt. "We shouldn't have to hide it." A slow clap suddenly came from behind them. Mr. Schuester emerged as the group parted.

"Nice job, Finn," he said, looking the boy in the eye. "Think you just figured out what the lesson was. Kinda makes me wish I had planned it." He laughed. "Mercedes is right," he continued, "you all do look incredibly insane." The members of New Directions merely laughed and thanked him in response.

* * *

><p>Shelby had been outside getting the mail when Kurt's car pulled up in front of her house. He rolled down the window to talk to her, but Santana, who was sitting in the back seat, beat him to it.<p>

"Get in, loser, we're going to Breadstix," she announced. Kurt did not look amused at this. He had intended to make a polite invitation, but leave it to Santana to make a snarky remark instead.

"What she _means_ is," Kurt said pointedly. "Would you like to come with us?"

"Yeah, love to! Let me just grab my purse," she replied. She joined them in the car a minute later. "Is the whole glee club going?" she asked, noting that there were five of them (including Mercedes in the passenger seat and Brittany on the other side of Santana) on their way there already.

"We invited everyone, but we'll see who shows up when we get there," answered Mercedes. Only Quinn and Rachel were waiting for them when they arrived, and since they were already there later than originally planned, it was probable that no one else would be coming.

"Time to get a table, then," said Santana.

"We're going to have to wait forever," observed Quinn, looking around at the crowded lobby. All the benches were full, and many people were standing. "There's a ton of people before us, and we have a big group."

"No, we won't," said Santana.

"Why not?" asked Shelby.

"Because we have you, duh," said Santana as if it were obvious.

"Me? Why me?" asked Shelby, completely bewildered.

"Just leave it to me," Santana tried to assure her, but Shelby was having a hard time believing the notorious girl. She marched right up to the hostess and declared, "Table for seven please."

"Okay, right now that'll be about a fifty-five minute wait time," the hostess explained apologetically.

"We can all squeeze into a booth, no problem," said Santana, hoping to shave off a few minutes' wait if they did not have to wait for two tables to be pushed together.

"It'll still be at least forty-five minutes, sorry," the hostess apologized.

"Look," said Santana in a low voice. It was loaded with false, but convincing, sympathy and pity. "I didn't want to play this card, but…you see my friend over there? The one with the blue scarf around her head?" She pointed at Shelby through a break in the crowd. Shelby noticed this and realized that she must be a part of the conversation between her friend and the hostess, although she was unable to hear what they were actually saying. _What is she…?_ wondered Shelby, and then she gasped aloud with realization.

"What is it?" asked Mercedes, mildly concerned.

"She's playing my cancer card!" exclaimed Shelby so that only her friends could hear her.

"She's what?" Mercedes asked.

"Playing my cancer card! To get us a table early!" explained Shelby.

"Can she _do_ that?" asked Rachel.

"Can she _get away_ with that?" asked Kurt.

"Wait, what does that mean?" asked Brittany, confused.

"It means she's trying to take advantage of Shelby's condition to get what she wants. Well, what we all want, I guess," Quinn answered. Everyone looked at her blankly. "What? I've done it," she admitted. "Not the cancer card, but the pregnancy card. 'Oh, I'm pregnant. Can you do this for me?' 'I have this really intense craving; can you get me some chocolate?' Oh, don't look at me like that. Like you've never played up your situation to get what you wanted," she told Shelby, who had given her an indignant look.

"I have not!" Shelby defended. But then she considered Quinn's accusation more heavily, "Well, maybe to get out of a homework assignment, or reschedule a test, or get an extension on a project," she admitted. "But those were all perfectly legitimate!" Quinn raised an eyebrow at her. "Most of them," Shelby muttered.

"She has cancer," Santana continued to the hostess, "and she hasn't had anything to eat since lunch so she needs sustenance ASAP."

"I don't think I can…" the hostess began awkwardly. She was not sure if Santana was telling the truth or not, but Santana was so forward with her request, she was feeling intimidated.

"Look," said Santana, growing impatient. "The last time we tried to take her out to dinner and had to stand for a long time, she passed out. Now we can wait around until that happens again, make a big scene, and probably end up calling an ambulance; we can take the business of our large order-placing, generously tipping party-of-seven elsewhere; or you can have some sympathy for the poor girl and get us a table so we can have her sit down and get to some food into her."

"I… well… I suppose… I could…" mumbled the hostess as she looked around nervously. "The corner booth will be ready in about ten minutes," she whispered.

"Perfect," Santana replied brightly, but the hostess missed the victorious look in her eyes.

"What did you _do_?" Shelby demanded as Santana rejoined the group.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Santana denied.

"You played my cancer card!" Shelby accused.

"Yeah, so?" said Santana, no longer denying anything.

"So," Shelby began fiercely, but she was unsure if she should be indignant or amused. She was sure however, that she was curious. So she asked quietly, "Did it work?"

Santana's face remained hard for a moment. Then, she smirked. "We got a corner booth in ten minutes."

"What?" several members of the party gasped, astonished that she had been so successful in her endeavor.

"You heard me," she confirmed. "But it's not like it was that hard. That pathetic hostess girl was hopelessly sensitive. You know, the kind that probably cries at _Extreme Makeover: Home Edition_ every week."

"Hey, that show is really sad," said Brittany. "Last week, they had this little girl who couldn't go outside, so they put grass in her room. I tried to do that for Lord Tubbington but he tried to eat it and then he got sick." The others merely looked at her blankly. They never knew how to react to what came out of Brittany's mouth.

"Santana, party of seven!" called the hostess.

"Look at that, it wasn't even ten minutes," said Santana, amused. "I guess I really did a number on her."

As the seven of them walked past the hostess' podium, the hostess who had talked with Santana seized Shelby's hand. "Your friend told me about you," said the girl pityingly. "I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you."

"Um, thanks," said Shelby awkwardly. The look on the girl's face was so tragic she could have been the one with cancer instead. She held Shelby's hand tightly for several seconds before releasing it. Trying to hide a look of great relief, Shelby quickly departed the awkward situation to catch up with her friends, some of whom had probably overheard the girl.

As they reached the table, Shelby said almost desperately, "Promise me none of you will ever, _ever_ say something like that to me." Several of her friends chuckled at her request, but a few looked uncomfortable. She decided to elaborate, "Not like that, at least. Pray for me, fine. It certainly won't do any harm. But don't try to convince me that I'll miraculously be cured by divine power, and _definitely_ don't look at me like I'm a lost puppy at the pound." A few more smiles cracked, including her own, but then she sighed. "I know she means well, but… I don't even know her! I just had a complete stranger hold my hand and tell me that she'll pray for me! Seriously! Who does that?"

"Are you talking about Mary Beth?" their waiter asked. They all looked up at him expectantly. "Sorry, I'm Joe. I couldn't help but overhear the last bit of your conversation. I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable. She's one of the most polite and friendly of our hostesses, but she can overstep her boundaries occasionally."

"No, it's okay," assured Shelby. "I have cancer," she explained casually.

"Oh. Wait, what?" Joe asked, thrown off guard by her casual tone. Shelby hesitated awkwardly. She had not meant for her explanation to sound offhand; she was simply so used to saying it that it barely fazed her now.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized hastily. "I just… spoke without thinking. Pretend I never said anything."

"What… what kind? Are you dying?" he asked, still trying to absorb what she said.

_Great, now I owe him an explanation_, thought Shelby. "I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma. And no, I'm not dying." The young man looked relieved.

"That's… that's good. I guess," he said quickly. Shelby merely shrugged. The unmistakable sound of a glass hitting the hard floor somewhere near the kitchen seemed to shake him back to his senses. He shook his head vigorously and held up his notepad and pen. "Anyway, you all want something to drink?" _Note to self_, Shelby thought, _playing the cancer card can lead to awkward situations_. _Proceed with caution_.

**AN: The song "Skyscraper" is originally by Demi Lovato but I used the cover by the amazing Boyce Avenue. If you haven't heard it before, look it up on youtube. You won't regret it! **


	16. Chapter 16 Reaching the Breaking Point

**"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change." **

**AN: This chapter is dedicated to anyone else who has ever hit rock bottom. I've been exactly where Shelby is in this chapter, so I think that's why I would call this chapter my favorite. The movie _50/50_ (which I _highly_ recommend) also gave me inspirtation for this chapter. It sure wasn't easy to write, but it was well worth it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or songs used. **

Chapter 16: Reaching the Breaking Point

The next couple of weeks passed rather uneventfully. Shelby hung out with Mercedes and Kurt and the mall, participated in a snowball fight with the guys after a big snowstorm while wearing no less than three knitted hats to keep her head warm, and saw the newest chick flick with Mercedes and Quinn. Shelby received another slushie to the face on more than one occasion, but she had learned to bring extra scarves and hats to school with her in case of such an incident. Mr. Schuester still insisted on practicing several hits from the 80s, trying to find a number for Sectionals, which was rapidly approaching. Vocal Adrenaline seemed to feel the need to rub it in their faces, with some help from Sue Sylvester, and the McKinley glee club had to admit that they were fierce competition. Mr. Schuester had discovered a secret of the rival group, however; they had never done a funk number. Thus, their weekly assignment was born: to find a funk song they could use at Sectionals.

Normally, Shelby took on Mr. Schuester's assignments with enthusiasm, but this week she was highly distracted by the fact that she would have to resume chemotherapy on Friday. Nearly a month off of it had felt incredible, almost like she was back to her old self again. She was dreading falling back into the routine of feeling sick or fatigued after each treatment. She only had four more treatments left before she would be done for good, but it seemed like an eternity from now. Her distress must have been more evident than she originally thought, as Mr. Schuester advised her to talk to the school counselor. Remembering what Ms. Pillsbury had said to her at the beginning of the year, Shelby supposed she would give it a try.

"Hi, Shelby," Ms. Pillsbury greeted, "Can I help you with something?"

As soon as Shelby closed the door, tears began to form. She was crying before she even took a seat in the chair across from the counselor. "Can I just," she said between staggered breaths, "cry here for a while?"

Ms. Pillsbury looked slightly uncomfortable but said, "Sure, whatever you need." From there, Shelby completely broke down. It had been three years since the last time she had cried this hard. She stopped holding back the emotions that she had carefully kept inside for so long. No matter how much she tried to live with cancer and accept that she had it, she still resented it. She was so close to being done with it for good, but that was not good enough. She wanted to be done with it now. After what seemed like ages, she found herself able to speak.

"I have to have chemo again on Friday," she explained as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

"I see," said Ms. Pillsbury, unsure of how to respond without upsetting Shelby further.

"And I know I'm almost done, but I've felt so good the last few weeks, it's hard to go back to feeling sick all the time," Shelby continued.

"It's not all the time, though," comforted the counselor. "Most of the time, you're well enough to come to school."

"I know, it just feels like all the time to me sometimes," Shelby sighed. Her voice shook as she fought more sobs. "I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to feel sick. I don't want to miss school or glee club again. I don't want to have cancer anymore!"

"Shelby, it's okay to feel angry," Ms. Pillsbury told her. "No one deserves to get cancer, especially someone as young as you. It's normal to resent your situation. In fact, I'd be a little worried if you didn't."

"I didn't expect to feel this way, I guess. I don't want to hate the world, or God, or whatever. I mean, I've had a good life all things considered. But it's just so _hard_!" Shelby said, her voice cracking as fresh tears continued to fall.

"I know this isn't much comfort, but they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You wouldn't go through this by choice, but since it happened, maybe you can make the best of it," Ms. Pillsbury said cautiously.

Shelby considered the counselor's words for a moment before speaking. How could she possibly make the best of this hell hole of a situation? The counselor's words really weren't much comfort, but Ms. Pillsbury meant well. "I suppose. It just sucks! Like, _really_ sucks!" Ms. Pillsbury smiled at her choice of language, which made Shelby smile briefly, too. "I wish Grant were here."

"Your brother?" Ms. Pillsbury asked.

"Yeah. I used to go to him all the time for advice like this," Shelby said carefully, trying not to stir up even more emotions.

"You can still talk to him, you know," said Ms. Pillsbury.

"I know, but the problem is he can't always answer," said Shelby realistically.

"What about the glee club? Will is always going on about how you guys all support each other," the counselor suggested.

"Well, the assignment this week is about getting out of a funk," Shelby said, laughing slightly.

"Perfect!" said Ms. Pillsbury brightly.

"Well, I think this qualifies as more than a 'funk,' but I'll see what I can do," said Shelby. Ms. Pillsbury gave her a smile. "Thank you." Shelby told her as she turned to leave.

Heading towards her car to go home for the day, Shelby heard her name being called behind her. She turned around to see Brendon running toward her. "Hey, Brendon. What's up?"

"I saw you go into Ms. Pillsbury's office today, is everything okay?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Well, truthfully no. I have to have chemo again on Friday," she said solemnly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "Wait, are your parents home?"

"No, why?" she wondered.

"You shouldn't be alone when you're like this," he said.

"Brendon, I'll be okay on my own. It's what I always—"

"You're coming home with me," he interrupted.

"What?"asked Shelby incredulously.

"You're coming home with me," he repeated firmly. "Just until your parents get home. I'm not letting you deal with this on your own anymore. It's not healthy."

"Fine, but I have to take my car," she said somewhat reluctantly.

The two of them didn't talk much at his house, but it helped to have someone else there to distract her so that she would not be alone with her thoughts. Brendon was usually the one to ask what was on her mind, but he seemed to know that she didn't want to talk anymore now. She was grateful for that.

While they were working on homework for government class, Shelby could have sworn she could have heard someone singing outside. She soon realized she was not imagining it as the sound gradually got closer, and she could make out the words.

_Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet?_

_Oooooh, But they're so spaced out, B-B-B-Bennie and the Jetsssssss._

_Oh, but they're weird and they're wonderful._

_Oh, Bennie, she's really keen._

The front door hit the wall loudly as a man came bursting through it singing.

_She's got electric boots, a mohair suit._

_You know I read it in a magaziiiiiiine._

_Oh-ooooooooh._

_B-B-B-Bennie and the Jetssss._

"Dad," said Brendon, looking quite apprehensive. "I didn't think you'd be home this early."

"I always come home at this time, son," he said, looking confused.

"More like when you know what time it is," Brendon muttered. His father didn't hear him. He was too busy humming the next few bars of Elton John while playing air piano. "Well, after last night I thought—"

"Last night was nothing! Just having a good time, that's all!" he said joyfully.

"Oh yeah? What'd you do?" Brendon asked flatly.

"Nothing you need to know about, I'll tell you when you're older," his father replied.

"I'm 18, Dad," Brendon reminded him.

"Oh. That you are…That you are. They grow up so fast," he said absentmindedly. "Hey, where's that Crown Royal?"

"I flushed it," said Brendon sarcastically.

"You what?" asked his father, looking worried. Then he realized his son was kidding and relaxed. "Oh, you really didn't, did you?" he said smiling. Then he started to laugh.

"No, but I should have," Brendon muttered, again unheard by his father.

"That's my son! Always the jokester!" he said brightly, putting a hand on Brendon's shoulder. Brendon looked awkward at his touch. "By the way, who's your _friend_?"

"_Just_ a friend, Dad," he said flatly.

"If you say so," shrugged his father. Brendon nearly glared at him. "Okay, I can take a hint. I'll leave you kids alone." He gave them one last bright smile before heading through the basement door, probably to find the bottle of alcohol he previously mentioned.

"Is he..?" Shelby wondered, unable to finish the question.

"Drunk?" Brendon finished simply. "No, not yet. Likely buzzed, though."

"What do you mean not yet? As in, he will be?" she asked.

"Yep, just like every other night," he replied, still casual in his tone. Shelby still looked concerned so he explained, "My dad's a drunk. Has been for quite a while now."

"I'm sorry," Shelby said sympathetically, unsure of what else to say.

"It's okay. I'm used to it. I guess," he brushed off. "He wasn't always this bad. At first, he just drank at dinner time. You know, just a glass of wine or whatever. Pretty soon though, a glass became a whole bottle and eventually, dinner wasn't soon enough for him. He lost his job about three years ago, and he really took it hard. I don't know if the booze triggered the job loss or vice versa, but either way the end result is the same. Now he goes off during the day to try and hide it, like we don't know what he's out doing. But as you can see, when he comes home, it's pretty obvious."

"What about your mom? How does she deal with it?" she asked.

"Work," replied Brendon. "She's a nurse, so she works a lot of extra shifts to support the family. That much booze isn't cheap, you know. I think she's considered kicking him out, but where would he go? He doesn't have a job, and most of his family lives out of state. The whole thing has been really hard on her. They dated in high school, my dad was quite the charmer, you see, but my mom got pregnant their senior year. Her parents were really conservative, so my parents had to get married. My dad loves my mom, but I don't think he wanted to be tied down so young. He wanted to go to a state college to party, but he ended up going to a community college because he had to help take care of me. I know he loves me and my mom, but apparently not as much as he loves booze, if the last few years can serve as evidence.

"So my mom just gives him a little money every week so he can afford a cab fare home from wherever he goes, and pays any surprise credit card bills that come in the mail. I don't know who approves the credit cards he gets, because his credit score has got to be in the toilet by now!" He actually chuckled at that, imagining a bunch of monkeys with approval stamps running around an office stamping applications. Shelby laughed with him and thought about how this explained so much of Brendon's behavior in the two years she had known him. He rarely talked about his family despite his fairly outgoing personality. There was a lot of pain in his home, and she could definitely relate to that. _Maybe that's why we get along so well_, she thought.

The night before she was to go in for treatment, Shelby found herself becoming disheartened again. Despite the high New Directions had had that afternoon of showing off their funk number to Vocal Adrenaline on their own turf, she was feeling down again about resuming treatment. Silent tears streamed down her face as she sat on her bed, lost in her own thoughts.

"Shelby, look! I finally caught Ho-oh!" her youngest brother exclaimed as he barged into her room, waving his Nintendo DS in the air. "Why are you crying?" he asked, suddenly upset.

"Hi, Ryan," Shelby said shakily, wiping tears from her face. "You know that medicine that made me really sick?" He nodded. "Well, I have to have it again tomorrow and…" she paused, trying not to let her voice crack, "and it's just really hard. Okay? That's all."

Ryan continued to look worried, but said nothing else to her. Instead, he ran from the room calling his older brother. "Chase! Chase!" He ran into the living room, where he found the middle brother watching _Phineas and Ferb_. "Austin, where's Chase?" he asked the other boy.

"I dunno," Austin replied, his eyes still fixed on the television.

"'Cause Shelby's crying and I don't know what to do," the younger boy said, his blue eyes filled with worry. That got Austin's attention.

"Let's go find him," he said seriously. They eventually found him in the family room playing Wii Sports.

"Chase, Shelby's crying. What do we do?" Ryan asked him. He immediately paused his game.

"I know. Follow me," he told the younger two. He led them to the kitchen where the last of the leftover Christmas candy was hidden. "Grant said that whenever Shelby gets sad, give her chocolate," he explained.

"How do you know that?" Ryan asked suspiciously.

"Because he told me, duh," Chase replied.

"He did not!" argued Ryan.

"Did too!" Chase argued back.

"Shush, you guys!" said Austin, annoyed. "What's that song she always plays for us? 'Don't Give Up?'"

"What about it?" asked Chase, separating all of the dark chocolate (Shelby's favorite) from the milk chocolate and mini candy canes.

"Maybe we should play it for her instead," the middle boy suggested.

"Yeah!" agreed Ryan. "And we could sing it, too! Just like the singing group she's in!"

"It's called a glee club," Chase corrected him.

"I'll go get your iPod!" said Ryan, ignoring him.

"Oh, no you don't!" said Chase, grabbing his shirt before he could run away. "You put the candy away. _I'll_ get my iPod."

"We'll meet you in Shelby's room," said Austin, helping a pouting Ryan put away the candy.

Outside Shelby's door, Ryan moved to turn the doorknob when Chase stopped him. "Knock first," he said. He rapped the door three times and asked softly, "Shelby? Can we come in?"

"Sure, guys," Shelby answered.

"Now open," Chase told Ryan. He did, and Shelby saw three small heads peer around the door at her. Chase's wavy blond locks were on top, Austin's light brown mop appeared below him, while Ryan's big blue eyes stared at her from the bottom. The youngest boy came right up to her and climbed up next to her on the bed. "Sissy Shelby, don't be sad," he said, looking up at her with his eyes like a sad puppy. He even used her baby name, which she thought he had mostly outgrown. Shelby's name had been difficult for a toddler to master, so until their speech skills improved her brothers called her "Sissy." Now, Shelby found the nickname endearing and made her feel special to know that the young boys loved her so much.

"Look, we brought you chocolate!" said Austin, dumping the chocolate onto the bed from a makeshift pouch in his shirt. "That's how you cheer girls up, right?"

"Of course it is! Grant said so!" defended Chase as he put his iPod into Shelby's speakers.

"He would," said Shelby fondly, chuckling at her brothers' sweet gesture.

"There's something else, too," said Chase.

"We want to sing for you!" said Austin.

"What?" Shelby asked, completely taken by surprise. "You guys…"

"Shhhh! It's starting!" said Ryan. The boys began to sing along with the recording.

_Don't give up…_

_It's just the weight of the world._

_When your heart's heavy_

_I...I will lift it for you._

_Don't give up…_

_Because you want to be heard._

_If silence keeps you_

_I...I will break it for you._

The young boys' small voices were a great contrast to Josh Groban's rich tone.

_Everybody wants to be understood._

_Well, I can hear you._

_Everybody wants to be loved._

_Don't give up_

_Because you are loved!_

The boys danced around Shelby's room, looking for objects to use as microphones, but Shelby kept her room so immaculately clean, nothing was in plain sight. When the second verse started, they came up close to her and sang directly to her. They knew the song by heart since she had played it for them countless times.

_Don't give up…_

_It's just the hurt that you hide._

_When you're lost inside_

_I...I will be there to find you._

_Don't give up…_

_Because you want to burn bright._

_If darkness blinds you_

_I...I will shine to guide you._

At the chorus, the boys began to dance around the room again. They sang louder than before, the younger two not caring about staying on pitch. Chase however, was quite good and successfully hit the high note at "Don't give up."

_Everybody wants to be understood._

_Well, I can hear you._

_Everybody wants to be loved._

_Don't give up_

_Because you are loved! (You are loved)_

_You are loved. (You are loved)_

Shelby could no longer resist joining her younger brothers in singing together (and dancing around her bedroom). She had taught them this song since it meant a great deal to her, and she wanted them to live by the song's message. She was truly moved that they would return the favor.

_Don't give up… (Don't give up)_

_It's just the weight of the world. (You are loved)_

_Don't give up! (Don't give up)_

_Everyone needs to be heard. (Don't give up)_

_You are loved! (You are loved)_

_(Don't give up)_

"Thank you so much, guys," Shelby told them, gathering them into a group hug as the song faded away. "I needed that." Clapping was suddenly heard from the doorway, and Shelby looked up to see her parents standing there grinning at them. "How long have you guys been standing there?" she asked nervously.

"Long enough," said her mother affectionately. "Who taught you boys to be so sweet and considerate?" she asked them, kneeling down at their level.

"Uh, me," said Shelby in an obvious tone. They all laughed.

"I'm going to the hospital with her tomorrow," said Chase definitively. He was not asking permission.

"You have school tomorrow, young man!" exclaimed their mother.

"I'm not going. My sister is more important!" he defended, linking his elbow with Shelby's.

Seeing that he was not going to give up this fight, their mother resigned to taking him to the hospital with them. "But you're going to do all of your homework ahead of time!" she warned. Chase barely heard her as he sped off to the family room to find a movie for them to watch the next day.

_The Princess and the Frog_ was one of Chase's favorite Disney movies, so it was no wonder that he chose to watch it during Shelby's chemotherapy appointment. He loved the music, so whenever he and Shelby watched it together, it became a full-on sing-a-long. Shelby had asked him once if he would ever want to pursue music as a career, since he seemed to take such an interest in it.

"But I want to be a doctor!" was his response. "How can I do that and be a singer?"

"A doctor? Really?" asked Shelby, her original inquiry forgotten. "What brought on that idea?"

"Well," he hesitated, "You." Shelby was so touched, she remained silent. "People shouldn't get cancer. No matter who they are. I wanna change that." He said profoundly. Shelby had often thought along the same lines herself, but where did this nine-year-old kid get these ideas? "And if the only medicine for it is one that makes people sick, well, that medicine stinks. I think we need a new one. And I wanna help find it."

Shelby could do nothing but stare at her younger brother in wonder and admiration. "Chase…" she began adoringly.

He shushed her and said excitedly, "The song is starting!" Chase's mental age returned to nine again and sure enough, Shelby heard Tiana say_, Mama, I don't have time for dancin'_. Shelby sang the slow beginning with the movie's protagonist.

_That's just gonna have to wait a while._

_Ain't got time for messing around_

_And it's not my style._

_This old town can slow you down;_

_People taking the easy way._

_But I know exactly where I'm going_

Chase loved listening to Shelby sing, as she hardly ever sang in the presence of someone else, but he was unable to resist the urge to join in any longer as the song sped up and led into the main chorus.

_Getting closer and closer every day._

_And I'm almost there. I'm almost there._

_People down here think I'm crazy, but I don't care._

_Trials and tribulations, I've had my share._

_There ain't nothing gonna stop me now 'cause I'm almost there._

Shelby got off the hospital bed for the next verse and sang directly to Chase.

_I remember Daddy told me: "Fairytales can come true._

_You gotta make 'em happen, it all depends on you."_

_So I work real hard each and every day._

_Now things for sure are going my way._

_Just doing what I do,_

_Look out boys, I'm coming through!_

Shelby threw out her arms and gave a strut just as Tiana did in the movie as she hit the chorus once more. Chase giggled at the thought of his sister knocking boys out of the way to get where she was going.

_And I'm almost there! I'm almost there._

_People gonna come here from everywhere,_

_And I'm almost there._

_I'm almost there!_

Chase grabbed Shelby by the hands and danced with her through the instrumental section. They bounced to the jazz rhythm, until the tempo slowed once again at which point, she sat on the end of the bed.

_There's been trials and tribulations._

_You know I've had my share._

Shelby stood again, adding dramatic effect to the tempo's return to normal speed.

_But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river,_

_And I'm almost there! _

_I'm almost there!_

She took a deep breath, preparing for the long, sliding notes of the song's finale. Chase did the same, just as she had taught him, and as they held the final note together, she really thought that her brother had potential to be a great singer one day of he ever decided to pursue it.

_I'm almost there!_

Shelby and Chase exchanged a high-five as their mother applauded them affectionately. Shelby sat back down on the bed, not wanting to overexert herself. _Almost there_, she thought.


	17. Chapter 17 The End or The Beginning?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the songs that the glee club spontaneously breaks into. **

Chapter 17: The End or the Beginning?

Regionals were rapidly approaching. They would take place on the upcoming Saturday, so the members of New Directions were frantically trying to think of a set list that would earn them first place. It was crucial that they win first place to ensure the survival of the club. Principal Figgins had been quite clear that if the glee club did not win Regionals, it would be disbanded. For her own twisted reasons, Sue Sylvester seemed determined to prevent this from happening by any means necessary. Somehow, she had secured a position as a judge to the Regionals competition. Knowing they had no chance of winning now, and consequently would no longer be able to continue the club, the members of New Directions were absolutely devastated. Gathered at the home of Mr. Schuester, the group decided that they did not want to waste their energy coming up with a set list that would get them nowhere anyway. Instead, they shared their favorite moments in glee club and what being a part of it had meant to them. Shelby thought long and hard about what she wanted to say to the group about the year that had passed. When it finally came to her turn, she wasn't sure she could express her deep emotions into words. Somehow, she managed to speak.

"Being in New Directions," she began slowly, "has meant more to me than I could ever say. There's no way I could have made it through the year without all of you. You all taught me that it's okay to open up and ask for help when I need it. That being strong doesn't mean dealing with life on my own. It means allowing myself to be vulnerable and trusting other people enough to be there when I need it. I haven't been this open with anyone in a long time, so I almost forgot what it's like to have real friends.

"You know what my first thought was after I found out I had cancer? I thought, 'how I am going to tell people?' And then I realized, I didn't have anyone to tell. Other than family, which my parents took care of mostly, and teachers, I couldn't think of a single other person to tell. I didn't consider any of my 'friends' close enough to confide in. For some reason, I never thought I would need them. Being in Glee Club completely changed that. I just want to thank you for being there for me, even when you barely knew me.

"You guys are the only ones in the whole school who don't see my scarf and think 'that's the girl with cancer.' You see my face and think 'that's Shelby, she's our friend.' You hear me sing and think 'that's the quiet girl with a big voice.' You see _me_. You know more about me from the last few months than most people do from all four years of going to this school. And whether or not I return next year, that's still up in the air at the moment, I'll never forget any of you and what you did for me. Ever." Tears filled Shelby's eyes as she was unable to hold them back any longer. Several others were already crying, which had put her on the verge already, so after she finished her speech they started to pour. It was completely unfair that they had worked so hard all year only to have their hopes crushed days before their biggest competition yet.

All the members of New Directions could think to do was one last group hug around Shelby. She had been the last to speak, and she reminded them of another heartbreaking fact: that she might not be coming back next year. If she could earn enough credits over the summer, she would get her diploma and start college the following fall. As much as she wanted to start college, Shelby could not deny that a part of her wanted to stay with the New Directions. They had been her rock for this difficult part of her life. They were the people to whom she went when she had no one else. They helped her find a part of herself she did not even know existed. She knew she was strong, but she had no idea that she could be strong enough to stand on her own and open up to show vulnerability. She was stronger with her friends beside her rather than held off at a safe distance. Among them she had found a place where it did not hurt to let others get close to her. Keeping that feeling would almost be worth a fifth year in this black hole of a high school.

The mood in the choir room the next day was a dismal one. There was little for the glee club members to do except sit around and feel sorry for themselves. Rachel seemed to have rekindled her desire to win, but everyone else was still discouraged. Santana made a crack about Rachel's constant need to be in the spotlight and no one even bothered to laugh.

Rachel gave a haughty response, "You make fun, yet I'm the one who's attempting to do some good." The words had barely escaped her mouth before she realized what she had said. Nearly everyone in the glee club was giving her a knowing smile. She knew then that it was inevitable that they would burst into song after she had unconsciously quoted lyrics from _Rent_. Artie was the first to sing the next line.

_Or do you really want a neighborhood_

_Where people piss on your stoop every night?_

_Bohemia, Bohemia's_

_A fallacy in your head._

_This is Calcutta._

_Bohemia is dead._

Ever the leader, Finn took over Mark's part in the musical. He sang in a mocked mournful tone, ironically suited to the potential death of their glee club.

_Dearly beloved,_

_We gather here to say our goodbyes._

_Here she lies._

_No one knew her worth,_

At this moment, he was unable to resist singing to a now very pregnant Quinn. She seemed annoyed and amused at the same time.

_The late great daughter of Mother Earth._

_On these nights when we celebrate the birth_

_In that little town of Bethlehem_

_We raise our glass, you bet your ass to _

(Santana had to throw in a slap to her rear)

_La vie boheme._

The other members of the glee club slowly rose from their seats, moving the chairs out of the way. They began the chorus of _La vie Boheme_'s behind Finn's solo.

_To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something out of nothing,_

_The need to express, to communicate,_

_To going against the grain, going insane, going mad._

The group formed a circle around Finn, dancing and chanting La vie Boheme. He made eye contact with different members of the group whenever a line seemed to speak to one individual in particular.

_To loving tension, no pension, to more than one dimension_

_To starving for attention, hating convention, hating pretension_

_Not to mention of course hating dear old mom and dad._

_To riding your bike midday past the three piece suits,_

_To fruits, to no absolutes,_

_To Absolut, to choice, to the Village Voice,_

_To any passing fad,_

_To being an us for once_

_Instead of a them!_

The circle disbanded as everyone sang together, their dancing less unified and more freestyle.

_La vie boheme!_

_La vie boheme._

Santana made her way over to Brittany and put an arm around her best friend's waist. "Hey, Mister, she's my sister," she said with a seductive wink.

_So that's five miso soup,_

_Four seaweed salad,_

_Three soy burger dinner,_

_Two tofu dog platter,_

_And one pasta with meatless balls?_

"Ew," Finn said, realizing what he had just said.

"It tastes the same," said Brittany simply.

"If you close your eyes," Santana added with a sly smile.

"_And thirteen orders of fries. Is that it here?" _Finn continued.

"Wine and beer!"everyone else replied. Rachel now took over the solo line.

_To hand crafted beers made in local breweries,_

_To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese,_

_To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo,_

_To huevos rancheros, and Maya Angelou._

The other girls joined her, playfully singing the minor third intervals.

_Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion,_

_Creation, vacation_

"_Mucho masturbation"_ sang Puck, shrugging. The girls continued:

_Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new,_

_To Sontag, to Sondheim, to anything taboo. _

_Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage,_

_Lenny Bruce, Langston Hughes, to the stage,_

_To Uta, to Buddha, Pablo Neruda, too._

After listing off various controversial topics, the whole club sang together:

_Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow_

_To blow off auntie Em!_

_La vie boheme!_

"Sisters?" Puck asked Santana and Brittany, who had been dancing quite provocatively.

"We're close," replied Santana, with plenty of implication in her voice.

"Brothers!" cried Kurt and Mercedes, just going along with the song. Everyone sang together, and many were now dancing on various furniture items in the room.

_Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,_

_Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman,_

_German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein,_

_Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa, Carmina Burana._

_To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy,_

_Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC,_

_To no shame never playing the fame game!_

"To marijuana," said Artie, inhaling deeply and pretending to smoke a joint.

_To sodomy, it's between god and me,_

_To S&M!_

_Waiter, waiter, waiter!_

_La vie boheme!_

"In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner," said Finn, continuing the solo. "Maureen Johnson, just back from her spectacular one-night engagement at The Eleventh Street Lot will perform Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello, which she ain't never studied."

The other glee clubbers had made two separate rows of chairs facing each other to make a makeshift table/runway in the middle of them. They all took turns dancing, strutting, or otherwise making their way down the line while the others danced on the chairs next to them.

Finn continued, "And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high holy days. And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap will perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred. And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song," Artie grabbed a guitar in the corner and played a slow, mournful melody, "that doesn't remind us of Musetta's Waltz?" Finn asked. Artie shrugged. "Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub. And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words…"

"Actual reality, act up, fight AIDS!" shouted the group. Shelby took over Mimi's solo as the first half of the song neared its end.

_Excuse me, did I do something wrong?_

_I get invited, then ignored all night long!_

Puck was the one who took Roger's solo. He and Shelby moved closer to each other as they sang back and forth.

_I've been trying, I'm not lying._

_No one's perfect, I've got baggage._

Shelby barely let him finish his line before she came in with:

_Life's too short, babe, time is flying._

_I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine._

Puck made his voice sound flustered, as if he was having an internal argument with himself.

_I should tell you_

_I've got baggage, too._

_I should tell you,_

_Baggage…_

"Wine and beer!" shouted the group.

"AZT break," said Shelby, quoting the movie.

"_You?"_sang Puck quietly.

"_Me," _Shelby sang in reply, equally as quiet. _" You?"_

"_Mimi,"_ Puck sang slowly, looking directly at Shelby.

She held is gaze only for a moment before shouting, "Part B!"

"Yeah!" chorused the rest.

"No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection, muscle spasms, chiropractors, short-careers, eating disorders!" she cried.

"Film!" cried everyone else.

"Adventure, Tedium. No family, boring locations, dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!" listed off Puck.

"Music!" shouted the group.

"Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm, power, feeling, harmony, and heavy competition!" sang Kurt.

"Anarchy!" the glee club shouted.

"Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions, forcing changes, risk, and danger, making noise, and making pleas!" Quinn added.

_To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too._

"To me!" shouted Santana.

"To me!" cried Artie

"To me!" cried Mercedes and Shelby together.

"_To you, and you and you, you and you_," chanted the whole group. "_To people living with, living with, living with…_" They all sang the next line, but it was Shelby's voice that stood out the most. From somewhere deep within she found a powerful chest voice she didn't even know she had.

_Not dying from disease!_

_Let he among us without sin_

_Be the first to condemn_

_La vie Boheme! _

_La vie Boheme!_

_La vie Boheme! _

Finn took over the solo once more as the group continued to sing "_La vie Boheme!" _behind him.

_Anyone out of the mainstream._

_Is anyone in the mainstream?_

_Anyone alive with a sex drive._

_Tear down the wall!_

_Aren't we all?_

_The opposite of war isn't peace..._

_It's creation!_

"_Woooooh!_"cat-called the group.

_La vie Boheme…_

"Viva, la vie Boheme!"They all shouted.

"What's going on here?" asked Mr. Schuester, looking around at all of their grinning faces.

"Mr. Schue!" cried Rachel, not wasting any time. "Finn and I have something we want to say!"

"Me first," he said clearly. "Take a seat, everyone." When they had, he continued. "I've decided we're going to compete at Regionals. We've come too far and worked too hard to back down now." He wrote "Journey" on the chalkboard. "This will be our theme for the set list. We're going back to our roots, where we first started. There were only five of you, and we sucked. I mean we really sucked." He chuckled, as did quite a few others. "But we got here together, and we're going to finish this _journey_ at Regionals together."

"We're doing 'Don't Stop' at Regionals?" asked Rachel, beginning to follow where Mr. Schuester was going with his speech.

"And then some," he replied. "You're doing a Journey medley. Because who cares what happens when we get there when the getting there has been so much fun?" The members of New Directions exchanged glances of agreement and excitement as Mr. Schuester inquired Rachel about what she had to say.

"Just that we're all really glad to didn't become an accountant," she said smiling, her eyes gleaming.

"Regionals," Mr. Schuester warned the upcoming competition, "here we come!"

* * *

><p>The New Directions brought their best at the competition. After all, what did they have to lose? "Faithfully" had been stunningly beautiful, "Any Way You Want ItLovin' Touchin' Squeezin'" had gotten the crowd excited, and "Don't Stop Believin'" had been the obvious crowd favorite of the three numbers. Shelby felt a rush of adrenaline when she saw her parents, her younger brothers, and Brendon watching and cheering together in the audience. They'd never seen her perform like this before, and even though she didn't have a solo part, she could see the pride in her parents' eyes from over fifty feet away. Her younger brothers idolized her to no end, and Shelby could see that they were standing on their seats for a better view of her when the New Directions brought the crowd to its feet. Then there was Brendon. He was beaming at her as if to say _I knew you could do it_. He was right, of course. He had told her as such.

"You're happy," he had said when they had gone out for coffee a few days before. Shelby did not used to care for the taste, but recently she became vastly thankful for its supply of caffeine.

"Well, yeah," she said, unsure of what he meant or how to respond.

"No, I mean, you're happier than I've ever seen you," he explained. "You'd think it'd be the other way around, having cancer and all, but for some reason you seem happier now than any other time in the two years I've known you."

"I really do love being in glee club," Shelby admitted. It was true that it had made school infinitely more enjoyable.

"You must," he said smiling, "It shows in your eyes." That was what he was able to see in her eyes: glee. Joy. Happiness. Absolute delight.

"My what?" Shelby asked, trying not to blush.

"Your eyes," he repeated simply. "When I first met you, your eyes were cold, distant, and filled with pain. I could tell your silence wasn't one of shyness, but one of sadness. Kind of like me when I can actually manage to keep my mouth shut." He gave her a lopsided smile, which she returned. Brendon knew himself well. He often spoke without thinking first, so he learned the hard way that it was sometimes better for him to keep quiet and say nothing rather than get himself in trouble. Especially around Shelby. Making her angry often had unfavorable repercussions. "But then one day you laughed at something I said. Something stupid, I'm sure. I don't even remember what it was now, but I do know that all that pain I saw in your eyes before completely vanished. Instead, they were bright, shining, and full of life. And I'm not going to lie, you're far prettier when you're smiling." Shelby really did blush at that. She instinctively raised her coffee cup for a drink to try to hide it. "I wanted to get to know that girl, not the solemnly quiet one who sat next to me most days, but the one with the bright eyes who wasn't afraid to laugh. I've seen more of that girl this year than I ever did in tenth grade algebra, no matter how many bad jokes I cracked. You're happy, Shelby. And you guys are going to own Regionals."

That's what the New Directions had hoped, too. They performed their best musical numbers to date, poured their hearts and souls out on the stage, but in the end, it still was not enough to win first or even second place at Regionals. Devastated, the members of the glee club dispersed to greet their friends and family.

"We loved it, sweetie. It doesn't matter if you didn't win," comforted Shelby's mother, hugging her.

"I'm so proud of you," said her father, hugging Shelby and her mother.

"You should have won!" complained Austin.

"Yeah, you were the best!" echoed Ryan.

"Who can I hit?" asked Chase, scanning the crowd as he formed his hands into fists.

"Chase, don't even think about it!" warned Shelby. Her parents released her from their hug as they turned to keep an eye on their three young children who were growing increasingly restless.

"You sounded great," said Brendon, stepping forward now that her parents had had their moment with her.

"Thanks, but I was just in the chorus so you couldn't have heard me too well, if at all and—"

"And you look great, too," he said quietly in her ear so that her parents, mainly her mother who was notorious for such things, would not say something embarrassing. Shelby could feel the color rising in her cheeks again. She was suddenly very aware of the short, shiny, gold dress she was wearing. She also thought of the black and gold scarf she was wearing that actually mimicked hair quite well. She'd even developed a talent for getting to move and flip like hair while she was dancing. "I'll see you around," he called, as he walked away. He knew he had probably made her self-conscious.

"Yeah," said Shelby absentmindedly to no one in particular.

"Are you going home on the bus, sweetie?" her mother asked, effectively interrupting her trance.

"Yeah, we'll all go back to school together," Shelby replied.

"Okay, see you at home then," said her mother, giving her another hug before she and the rest of the family headed toward the parking lot.

* * *

><p>The members of New Directions decided to surprise their director and show him how much he meant to them with one last musical number, preceded by all of them sharing how far they had come over the course of the year. On her turn, Shelby decided to forgo the cancer card completely by saying "I didn't have any real friends." The glee club had given her the one thing she never thought she needed: people to support her and help keep her strong. A large part of her was dreading not being able to come back next year, but what she supposed to do? Take an extra year of high school? Explain to her college of acceptance that she would have to delay coming for a year? No, she would take summer classes to make up the credits she missed this year. Credits she did not know were necessary until she found out about an administrative mistake that while she had all of her required classes, she fell short of the total number of credits she was supposed to have. She hoped she could take enough over the summer to make up for her part time status this year. She could not endure a whole extra year of high school, especially if there was no glee club to make her days bearable. They were the closest friends she had ever had. They were a rock for her, a firm foundation on which she could grow. She loved each and every one of them dearly, and she had a particularly hard time with the idea of letting them go.<p>

Which is why when Mr. Schuester announced that the New Directions would be getting another year, Shelby felt many conflicting emotions indeed.

**AN: This is the last chapter in Season 1! Thank you to those who stuck with the story and read it all the way through. It wasn't easy to write in some places, and I'm sure it wasn't easy to read either. But it is what it is and I hope that it brought as much joy to you all as it did to me. This isn't one of the cliche cancer fics you see floating around occasionally (Thank God), so I hope I shed some light on the subject. I do have a Season 2 planned as well as some short summer interludes that don't necessarily have to be read before Season 2. They'll be mostly for fun and will tie up a few lose ends that take place after Season 1 ends. **


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